buddingauthor

India

15 years old and obsessed with Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes (both books and series), and Divergent.
She/her
Please suggest any, absolutely anyyy good book you've read, Ill try and get on board!

Message to Readers

I wrote something after a bajillion years, and I think it shows, but we've got to start somewhere.*shrugs*

Failing to Succeed

March 23, 2021

FREE WRITING

13
Try, try and you will succeed. Really? Well, I've been trying to succeed for the past year, and I have not succeeded in succeeding. The girl who made her school win for the first time in the annual Interschool Music Competition, couldn't even hit a simple note without messing up at least fifty times now. How awesome. And why is it that when you're going through a block, everyone has advice that you did not ask for?
"It's just a simple note dear, I'm sure you'll be able to do it soon, you always have. This is just a phase. Everyone goes through this, next time will be better."
I'm sorry, did I ask you for your valuable inputs!? I KNOW that I was able to do this previously, that is why it sucks even more! And this "just a phase" philosophy? Just stop. A year is not "a phase", it's the universe's way of telling me- "My dear child, you were accidentally hitting the right notes and melodies for seventeen years of your life, but that’s enough."
My lifelong dream had been to release a track on my eighteenth birthday. There was a time when I used to literally dream of this day. I had released my song and the world loved it. Not just my friends and family, or just even my country, no, no, THE WORLD. They loved it. I was the talk of the town, more like, the globe. Not once was my dream interrupted by my mother who decided to slap a slipper in my face the moment I was about to receive my Grammy (yep, a Grammy), nothing of that sort. It was always a peaceful sleep and I woke up in a great mood- sunshine, rainbows and what not. But now it was like that dream was taken by someone, put under an elephant's foot, and crushed into dust that flew a million miles away, not planning to return. 
God how I miss being able to sing. I don’t know what to do with myself now- I have no motivation or drive to do anything and I’m pretty sure that procrastination is running in my veins instead of blood. I have no idea what it will take to start singing properly again- I’ve been practicing with my teacher and she’s been telling me where I lack and then school happens and I get no time to self- practice and then I fail to sing again. The thought that I should quit singing has occurred to me a few times before and I tried quitting, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I kept looking over towards my casio, and I resisted myself for four days before I broke and hugged my casio. I don’t think I’ve hugged even a human so tightly as I did the casio. 
I came back to the love of my life just in time to get tested if I really love it or not- the annual Interschool Music Competition- great timing there, pal. You know, when you have a considerable contribution in making your team win, your team tends to count on you. And that was exactly the case here, except that I was not reliable anymore. I could hit the notes one day, and fail miserably the other. It was like my music depended upon my mood, which boy oh boy, was a problem. Nonetheless, everyone ignored my protests and helped me prepare for the big day. They all said “No Pressure” but we all know what that really means- more pressure. 
Then rolled around the d- day. There was a large crowd gathered, as is always when a nervous kid who knows nothing has to perform. The stage was beautifully decorated- it had musical notes stuck all around and a graceful font said ‘Annual Interschool Music Competition’. Too bad I was going to ruin this beauty with my awful voice. The much dreaded announcement was made- “Now we welcome Viola from Greenfield High!” 
As I was walking up on the stage, I could hear my fellow mates cheering behind me. But what surprised me was my teacher, Miss Nash, who was just sitting silently in the middle of the screaming group of teenagers. She looked like an angry parent giving her child a death stare- it was the first time I saw her so serious during a competition. Normally, she was as mad as the teenagers beside her. Nevertheless, I went ahead on the stage, flashed a smile towards the announcer and turned towards the audience. Oh, look at those expectant faces, they have no idea how I’m going to shatter their hopes right this instant. I began with the song that we had prepared, and all I was thinking about was the high note- will I be able to hit it today, or will it be an epic fail? 
“It’s coming, IT’S COMINGGGG!!” screamed my brain. The moment was finally here, I went for it, but then...I dodged it. I dodged my winning high note. Brilliant. I want to stop singing now and fall face first on the floor, but I can’t, so I continue until the end finally comes and I stop. The once excited audience is now evidently bored and I’m just another regular teenager who thought she could sing. Wow. Okay, time to face the wrath. I walk towards my friends with my face down, and as I reach them, I finally have the courage to look up. I look up at their faces and try to decipher their expression- are they going to kill me, or are they going to pity me? A hand lands on my shoulder. Well, pity it is then, I guess. They envelope me into a hug and I hear distant voices saying-
“You did great!”
“To hell with the high note, you did an amazing job!”
I managed to whisper a “Thank you” and then sank into my seat. I usually ball my eyes out after something like this happens, where things don’t go as I planned. But today, not a tear was shed. I don’t know why, but I did not feel like crying. I suppose that would be a good thing for most people, but not for me, I know this much about myself. What happened? I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I just sat, pretending to be deeply hurt, when strangely, I was not. 
After we reached school and everyone was going back home, Miss Nash came up to me. 
“So, how’d your performance go?”
“Um, didn’t you hear? I was pathetic.”
“Then why don’t you look it?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why don’t you look pathetic? You always cry, or atleast feel bad after an average performance. You don’t feel like that today though. Am I right?”
“Miss, how-”
“V, I’ll be very honest with you. I knew you weren’t going to hit the high note today. I already knew it.”
“Miss, I swear, I’m not casual about music! I really really have an interest and I actually practiced hard with all of you.”
“I never said your attitude was casual, honey. Come, let’s get you home first. Your mom said I’m supposed to drop you. We’ll talk when we reach there.”
Wow, I did not expect to have a mini therapy session in the middle of the road today. Life truly is unexpected. We reached home very quickly actually, and contrary to popular opinions, I was perfectly fine in the car without having my issue discussed. I enjoyed the “awkward silence”. Now I’ll have to face my fear- confrontation. 
We walked in the house, got freshened up and then sat on the couch. My mom just greeted us and went to her room- wow, who is this new woman not interrupting a conversation happening right under her nose?
I focused my attention towards Miss Nash. She started straight away- “V, I want you to know a few things and I’m going to tell you now. You may know some of these, or even all of these, but I need you to hear them again. First of all, you are an incredible singer. You are an extremely talented young lady who has a beautiful voice that can and will take you very very far in your career, if you choose to pursue it. Secondly, if you have this block and you really want to overcome it, try. I know you say you’ve tried and you are still trying, but tell me honestly, do you practice as thoroughly as you did in your previous years? I know you have school and other work, but then if you want to improve, you need more practice, otherwise you’ll have to settle with your average singing. You know why you didn’t cry or feel as bad about your performance today? It’s because deep down, you yourself knew about your lack of practice and that you weren’t competition ready.  And one last thing, do not try to succeed. Try because you want to and not because you have to achieve something. Try because it genuinely makes you happy and not because you want to prove to others that you can sing. If your goal is to win, you can do that in any field, why waste your time with music? But if you genuinely want to continue singing my dear, keep trying and practicing religiously and I swear to God your efforts will not go in vain. All this may sound so so so cliche but I thought you should listen to it because all this while you’ve been ‘hearing’ but not ‘listening’. So listen today darling, because that may just be the key to the door you want to unlock. Alright, I’m done. Wow, once you go inspirational, there’s really no coming back.”
“Miss Nash, I-”
I hugged her. I couldn’t express my feelings in words, so I hugged her, just like that casio, except this time, my hug was reciprocated, and it felt so good. 
“All I can say is thank you so much Miss Nash. I really needed to listen.”
All this talk didn’t make me overcome my block, but it gave me the confidence to atleast start. I practiced every single day and I sang no matter how bad I thought my voice was. I realized that I was afraid that my singing was extremely bad and because of that fear, I didn’t want to hear myself. But how will I overcome something if I’m scared to do it? So I did it. And so far, it’s going good. I won’t say I’m win-the-Annual Interschool Music Competition-ready, but I will say I’m attempt-the-high note-ready, so I’m proud of myself. Now go, make yourself proud!

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6 Comments
  • Ava Marie

    Re: Thank you so much!!!


    about 2 months ago
  • Tachi

    I am inspired. just what I needed. I love everything about this piece.


    about 2 months ago
  • Busssy.Beee

    re: ah! thank you so much for your comment! i hope you're doing alright! if not, i hope things will get better! i'll always be open for a little chat! :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Busssy.Beee

    aww, so inspiring. i really needed this because gosh the message is just so incredibly important. "And one last thing, do not try to succeed. Try because you want to and not because you have to achieve something. Try because it genuinely makes you happy and not because you want to prove to others that you can sing." These lines just hit me so hard, ahhh!! thank you, thank you, thank you for this amazing piece!!


    about 2 months ago
  • barelybear

    This is so great! I love a load of the imagery you’ve used, like “Put under an elephant’s foot and crushed into dust.” Also, the opening was super sassy and engaging :D
    Hope you keep writing - this was so amazing! (and you think it wasn’t your best?! The world definitely needs to see what else you can do :)
    Have a great day :D


    about 2 months ago
  • Ava Marie

    This was so good!!!!!! Also, I love this line: "I’m pretty sure that procrastination is running in my veins instead of blood."


    about 2 months ago