beth r.

United States

... just your average, teenage writer

Message to Readers

have a gn, ya'll <3

a three paragraph essay on why watery ketchup is demonic

March 18, 2021

FREE WRITING

21
    Sometimes, when posed with questions that come in sets of threes, wrapped up in a dusty jacket *laughs in quirks and idiosyncrasies*, you don't always get the important points across. Like, your inherent animosity towards watery ketchup. 
    No,no. Not ketchup that's diluted. But when you turn over a bottle of Heinz and squeeze so your chicken nuggets have a companion. And instead of ketchup coming out, friggen nIaGrA fAlLs comes rushing out of the bottle. Maid of the Mist? More like my-chicken-nuggets-are-now-soggy!-erm, of the Mist. The whole dang NILE exits from your bottle of ketchup, instead of, well, KETCHUP. The Mississippi River comes flowing out. The, the *insert the urgent searching of names of other famous bodies of water*. 
    When Vanessa from art class broodily tells me that I have never experienced true sadness, I'd like to yeet my ketchup at her. Like YES. I actually HAVE. In the form of watery ketchup that I should have shook before using. Said water mixes with my tears, as I mourn the perfect meal that could have been experienced.   
    No bottles of ketchup or Vanessas have been harmed in the making of this piece. Only my emotional health. 
 
y'know some people call ketchup catsup? 
like a cat... that's... up.
*friend's pet cat inches away fearfully*

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  • March 18, 2021 - 9:23pm (Now Viewing)

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17 Comments
  • nolongeractive

    Wow, I really love this piece! It is just wonderful and I cannot get over your talent!! Just beautiful and I am obsessed with the lowercase styling in the title and the creative juices that go along with this! I cannot wait to see what else you write!


    5 months ago
  • ~rain~

    oh, Beth... my mom is opening a restaurant in the next year or so and i promise that she wont have, um, ketchup bottles that has the Gulf of Mexico in it, ok?
    also omgggg i watched the first 2 episodes of WandaVision- mY sAnItY iS gOnE *sharp inhale*


    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: No problem! Sorry for spamming you with messages lol :P
    1: IKR??? I DONT THINK IVE EVER BEEN MORE JEALOUS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
    4: noooooooo no im not lol
    5: *vomits* math is gross
    6: what a foreign land is wattpad
    7: awww thanks! she is lol :P sure! https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/221369/version/464707
    (and re: tysm! I appreciate it :D)


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thanks <3


    6 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    comedy gold as usual beth :)


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    omggggggggggggggggg bethhhhhh ahhhhhhhh -


    6 months ago
  • SamRose

    Haha this is hilarious! I feel your pain ;( I hate when ketchup is watery. Or any other thing, like peanut butter, acrylic paint, or toothpaste *cringes*


    6 months ago
  • useless :)

    the ending tho ahah. this is so relatable...i love it. the piece, ofc. not the *shudders* watery ketchup. that's the worst


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    LOLL I love this! So relatable! And the ending is hilarious!


    6 months ago
  • Mpm#1

    OH MY GOSH I HATE THAT I COULD ACTUALLY FEEL MY MOUTH CRINGE AS I READ THIS!!!!
    Re: Thank you!! :)


    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    YES! I absolutely hate it! And it tastes so gross too D:


    6 months ago
  • nopenopenope

    *raises cat up in the air like simba in TLK*


    6 months ago
  • Halopoet

    THE WHOLE DANG NILE EXITS FROM YOUR BOTTLE OF KETCHUP! HAHAHAHAHAHA. Godd Beth I feel your pain.


    6 months ago
  • (sk)eyesofocher

    AHAHAHAHAHA YEAHHHH IT'S THE WORST!


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    ASJDF UR STORY AND PSITHURISM'S XD


    6 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: Yeah pretty much XD


    6 months ago
  • psithurism

    Funny story, my dad worked at a restaurant in Montana at one point in his life, but my family's from the northern midwest, and they pronounce ketchup like, "cat-soup," over in Montana. So there was an awful misunderstanding when a customer came over to the kitchen asking for more "cat-soup."


    6 months ago