Peer Review by BriRiley (United States)

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Smile Plastered On My Face (revision)

By: _Delphiruns2theocean_(hiatus)


FREE WRITING

Intro:
Tangled
wild
hair,
tied up T-shirts,
shorts rippling in the brisk winter wind.
Verse 1:
Glasses on a good day,
none when I'm looking for a change,
or just need a fresh face
in the mirror,
but
Chorus:
The smile plastered on my face is the only thing 
on me not true 
(not true)
the smile plastered on my face is something I display
for you
(for you)
Verse 2:
Pretending not to see the stares
but I see you staring until I lock eyes with you.
I try to ignore you
but it's hard
Chorus:
And the smile plastered on my face is the only thing
on me not true
(not true)
the smile plastered on my face is something I display
for you
(for you)
Verse 3: 
You ask me if I'm okay,
and sometimes I want to shout
no, 
but I can't, you still think I'm so called perfect,
truth is, 
I'm not.
Verse 4:
Good grades and a ball in hand,
it's a mask,
it's not real.
I'm not what I seem
there's always someone faster,
with better grades,
there's always someone
to beat.
Chorus:
But,
the smile plastered on my face is the only thing
on me not true
(not true)
the smile plastered on my face is something I display
for you
(for you)
Verse 5:
Sometimes I want to show everyone
the face behind the mask
but I can't
it's too hard
to let my guard down
Chorus (calmer, quieter):
The smile plastered on my face is the only thing
on me not true
(not true)
the smile plastered on my face is something I display 
for you
(for you)
for you

So this is actually based off of my life, but not totally. Close friends know me very well but everyone else I always smile and stuff. As some of you know my brother has a chronic illness and when we go to the pool and stuff he has a huge scar on his stomach that people see and we get these looks. My brother does more than me but it annoys me a bit :( Also, I may submit this for a competition so feedback and constructive criticism welcome! (It's not very good right now either sooo...)

Peer Review

Okay I first want to say that I’m no sing writer! But this is amazing! I don’t know a lot about writing songs so feel free to discard what I say. But the chorus is may favorite! I feel like it applies to so many people, and it just really hits home.


I highlighted a few suggestions, but again I don’t know the tune so I don’t know if they work XD


Reviewer Comments

You are really good song writer! And I’m sure this song is even better with a tune XD best of luck with showing your friend this!