solarflair

United States

i write poetry

you can purchase my book on amazon by searching "winter, again"

second book coming soon

Message to Readers

any

the city that care forgot

March 16, 2021

FREE WRITING

18
the weight of New Orleans leaves my eyelids 
heavy, as my son will go to that house
where the sins will make him forget his sins
and the near bottomless debts he will douse

the weight of the disk held between index 
and thumb, it is the only forever
that i know in New Orleans, my dreams dense
in the place that they live and die. and her,
  
she tells him to lead a simple, blue life
but still he will take the sunless South train 
for me, i will leave again as she cries
from new money from huntsville i will gain

down in Louisiana where i numb
the pleasures of a promised soon income
 
thought i would post something--i'm around halfway done with my new book. i needed a little advice on this sonnet, any criticism is welcome. i rarely do them buttttttttttttttttttttttt i felt like it.

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  • March 16, 2021 - 3:59pm (Now Viewing)

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29 Comments
  • human.thing

    ahhh! you commented on my work, thank youu! your work is absolutely stunning! i love your way with words ahah <3


    5 months ago
  • Alias 3

    Honestly your writing is just straight up amazing. I really loved this piece.


    6 months ago
  • ANSON REYNOLDS

    dang, the cadence in that was aweeesomeee... the only thing I would maybe change would be in the second line replace "that" with something else- I've found "that" is not always the best choice when it comes to articles :)
    re: thank you so much for the comment! It's super helpful :) Also thx for the follow <3


    6 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Re: Oh yeah it’s mainly girls actually from what I’ve seen around and lol. Yes, it is true that more males than females surf professionally due to lack of funds for the world surf league on the women’s side. And yes at the end of the day ads are ads but it’s not just in surfing. Like in a sports store I go to in PV they only had male models with jerseys and stuff. Yes, I have watched soul surfer I absolutely love it! Ah, doing something about it. Have done that but I mean they either don’t respond or say I’m ‘confused’. It’s unfortunate and at this point I kind of ignore it after writing all these letters :/ But thanks for your comment! And the follow :)


    6 months ago
  • ~rain~

    woww this is so good! i've only been to new orleans like once in my life (which was when i was maybe four) and i don't remember a thing. i like how you describe what a (child's or adult's?) future will be like there.
    re: lol yeah maybe don't use the first one...


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: your work flooded???! yikes... hope the week got a little better than what it was when you commented... :] you should definitely sleep. although i hate sleeping i cannot deny it's healing properties ;) hoping your day is full of springtime sun!! <3


    6 months ago
  • kathryn siena

    re: aha! I found it! I'm in class right now, but I'll listen to it when I have a break. It looks awesome!


    6 months ago
  • kathryn siena

    re: what the freak, I don't see it :(. Are you sure it's public?


    6 months ago
  • kathryn siena

    re: thank you thank you thank you! I'm gonna try talking to my friends more often when I feel this way. And I am totally open to a playlist. Music always makes me feel a bit better, cause it's like another world I can escape to :)


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    hello to you as well! ooh i like this poem... it's been a long time since i've read your work and i missed it :)
    i'm doing pretty good, enjoying the springing of spring haha. how about you?


    6 months ago
  • Busssy.Beee

    oh yesss!! this piece is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!

    re: heeeeeyyyyyyy!! i've been chilling at home lol. you know the regular 'let me just sit here and rethink life' type of thing? yeah, that's mostly what ive been up to. kinda started quarter 4 of school on a bam so that sucks. other than that, we're just hanging onto life :P wbu?


    6 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Re: Heyyy wassup caleb :)
    hm i really like the lines "she tells him to lead a simple, blue life
    but still he will take the sunless South train
    for me, i will leave again as she cries" have a good day/night!


    6 months ago
  • only_a_mirage (bird)

    re: yeah its kind of similar for me


    6 months ago
  • only_a_mirage (bird)

    re: thank you.. yeah i do feel like that a lot i lose a lot of sleep and im always doing the little compulsions or having anxiety attacks especially at night


    6 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    This is actually great Caleb. don't change it


    6 months ago
  • ghostyboi

    re: just be honest and open about your experiences. tell your story as it happened without sugarcoating. be real, and be you. that's what i do at least.


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Good! I'm sleepy today lol but overall pretty nice. :) I'm currently watching American Idol with my mom and brother.


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Hmm this has a really cool vibe that I'm so here for. Also hey Caleb. How are you doing?


    6 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: Aw, thx!!


    6 months ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧

    re: woah~ thats really neat


    6 months ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧

    re: sorry I forgot to put the re
    and that sounded creepy lol


    6 months ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧

    WOW
    how old are you


    6 months ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧

    re: I see, I see
    how long have you been on wtw for?


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    Wow! This flowed really nicely! I love love love the "her" before saying "she" it just makes it so easy to picture how it would be read!! RE: Thank youuu and yeah! I joined about 2 weeks ago so pretty new! And thank you!


    6 months ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧

    re: aww thx! truth be told I am VERY stuck so I started writing a prequel, lol
    but I came up with a sci-fi idea: Lizzy Loud Vs The Universe! lol


    6 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: Ahh, yes! I love that song! :)


    6 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: Thanks! What song was it inspired by? I thought I saw some references to older music, but I don't know many people who listen to that sort of stuff.


    6 months ago
  • psithurism

    Did you plant any song references in this? If so, I think I caught a few. This piece was amazing by the way. :)


    6 months ago
  • McK13

    Re: thank you


    6 months ago