Peer Review by Nyla (Canada)

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Equality for all

By: writergirl79


Why should people be ignored or bullied just because they are different? If we were all the same the world would be boring and it would feel like all the laughter, fun and creativity has been removed. It would be horrible but that is what is going to happen if we don't treat each other equally. Just think about Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, they fought for equal rights for black people and even now black people don't get the rights they deserve. It is not right that some people have to live their lives being judged because they aren't good enough, smart enough or  they are different. We should all be happy to be who we are and not feel like we are not accepted in this world. People should be judged on who they are on the inside and not what they look like on the outside.


Message to Readers

I would like to receive true feedback. Whether it is good or bad. Thank you


Peer Review

The beginning question. It was worded in a way that makes the reader think there's only one right answer and it's more general than the rest of the topic- it's also something many people think about.


Equality.


Emotion- you choose your words very carefully to make the reader feel something. For example, "deserve" was really powerful to use.


I think you should lengthen it, the shortness of it doesn't do the topic justice. If you're trying to convince people then use facts, quotes, etc. If you're just writing your opinion, then you don't need to use data, but try to use specific examples. Talk about police brutality, etc.


This had a really great idea and I love the way you presented it. I can tell you're passionate about the topic and that's really important! But I think with such a big topic, you should write more about it.


Reviewer Comments

This was amazing and I hope this helped a bit, feel free to ask me for any clarification :)