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Message to Readers
I would like to receive true feedback. Whether it is good or bad. Thank you
The beginning question. It was worded in a way that makes the reader think there's only one right answer and it's more general than the rest of the topic- it's also something many people think about.
Emotion- you choose your words very carefully to make the reader feel something. For example, "deserve" was really powerful to use.
I think you should lengthen it, the shortness of it doesn't do the topic justice. If you're trying to convince people then use facts, quotes, etc. If you're just writing your opinion, then you don't need to use data, but try to use specific examples. Talk about police brutality, etc.
This had a really great idea and I love the way you presented it. I can tell you're passionate about the topic and that's really important! But I think with such a big topic, you should write more about it.
This was amazing and I hope this helped a bit, feel free to ask me for any clarification :)