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It was a very sad tone throughout and the contrasting opposites of supposed good things described ominously was very moving
I'm not really sure, I really like this piece as it is quite simple but if you were looking to elongate it, I don't think it would take away from the piece to describe your first four things a bit more and set more of an ominous storytelling tone (but you may just want plain poetry and that's completely fine as well)
It was really really well written, great job! p.s. I would love it if you could check out something I've written :) Have a great day!