Peer Review by Nyla (Canada)

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breaking point

By: ~madeline~


FREE WRITING

i can't touch the broken hope that's hanging in the sky, thunderclouds so heavy I could almost reach them. 

i can't feel the shattered love that's falling from the clouds, frozen pieces of a frozen heart. 

i can't see the crushed love suspended in the air, pricks of light that remind me i'm not alone. 

i can't reach the splintered wonder flowing all around me, so close but yet so terribly far away.

i can't feel it anymore. i can't see it anymore. i can't find it anymore. 

and it leaves me wondering. wondering. wondering. 

at all the broken beauty.

all the shattered love.

when did my heart splinter into all these pieces?

and am i too far gone?

i don't know if my soul can be put back together again. 

it's cloudy. therefore i write depressing poetry. 

Peer Review

It was a very sad tone throughout and the contrasting opposites of supposed good things described ominously was very moving


I'm not really sure, I really like this piece as it is quite simple but if you were looking to elongate it, I don't think it would take away from the piece to describe your first four things a bit more and set more of an ominous storytelling tone (but you may just want plain poetry and that's completely fine as well)


Reviewer Comments

It was really really well written, great job! p.s. I would love it if you could check out something I've written :) Have a great day!