Peer Review by BriRiley (United States)

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Red Roses (maybe going to be a series?)

By: ~rain~


FREE WRITING

    “You okay, Lucille?”
    I look over my shoulder to see a boy with black hair and a half-smile. His hazel eyes twinkle, as if there’s something he’s been wanting to tell me for a long time. He sits down next to me, rubbing my back slowly as tears trickle down my cheeks slowly. He asks softly, “What’s wrong?”
    I sniffle, trying to get the words out but my voice is shaky. “Rosie… she’s sick.” I picture my little sister, lying in the hospital bed with her teddy bear, sleeping without a sound. “The doctors are still trying to figure out what’s wrong… but… but… they don’t know if she’ll live through it. I don’t know what I would do without her, Charlie.” I lie my head on my friend’s shoulder and sob letting tears come. Stopping myself seems impossible. My mascara is probably smeared under my eyes, mixed in with the sadness that rolls down my face.
    “Sh, don’t worry,” he says putting his arm around my shoulder.
    We sit there in silence on the edge of the sidewalk, my cries being the only thing we can hear. I lift my face up and Charlie wipes my tears. We were never this close before. We’d been on the same swim team for the last ten years, gone to school and had arguments about which is better: the Republican Party or the Democratic Party, and ran around playing manhunt with other kids in our neighborhood. Being physically close wasn’t something I expected for us to be.
    “We don’t have to go to the party tonight,” Charlie whispers. “We can stay at your house instead and watch a movie. Or go downtown to grab some dinner.”
    “You would do that for me?” I smile and wipe my eyes.
    “Of course, Lu. Anything for you.” He gives my hand a tight squeeze, a loving squeeze, making me feel like the most special girl ever, yet we’re nothing but friends. He’s been supportive for me ever since second grade, and now both of us are in our mid-teens. “What do you want to do?”
    I pull at a strand of hair, repeating the motion and answer, “How about my house? I need to practice piano and you could help me, right?”
    “Sure.” Charlie nods. “Are you still having trouble with that one Mozart piece?”
    “Yeah.”
    He nods again, but then his eyes turn serious. “Listen, Lucy, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for ages. Ever since… well… we met. This might not be the best time to tell you. But I haven’t had the guts to tell you because it’s the most important thing I’ll ever tell anyone.” He tucks the strand of hair I had been messing with behind my ear.
    “And what’s that?” I ask, my heart pounding as I wonder what he could possibly be talking about.
    He answers in barely a whisper, “I love you.”
    It takes me a few seconds to choke out the words. “I love you too.” He pulls me closer, making me realize how strong the word love is.

Ahh okay so I don't want to overwork myself again but I thought I might just publish this and if enough people like it then I'll publish more :)

Peer Review

Okay first my heart! This is so sweet! Aww! Anyway XD I love how you introduced the MC background at the beginning, because it is really hard to do that and you did a wonderful job!


Maybe you could add a little bit more about the sister? Because all we know is that she is sick and might die


Reviewer Comments

I love this! The romance and excitement and how well everything is written! I just love this to pieces and I’m going to go read the next chapter!