Rohan’s Defender

United States

15
she/her
Christian
[ChildOfGod]
BTS ARMY with a double bias <3
*joined in July 2020*

Message from Writer

~WtW Library Buddies with SunV

~Ranting about K-Pop Buddies with in_love_with_writing

~Go visit my K-Pop twin, gabimarie!

-Go say hi to my incredible friends V-Rose and mindfruit. They’re two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

“A pen doesn't stop you from doodling when the words stop for a second
And you need to draw them first.”
-V-Rose

"If you bury mindfruit's feet and water him weekly, he'll grow just like a tree.” - mindfruit

“and as long as we fight we'll continue to see another day
and we'll drift off to sleep in the ruins of yesterday”
-mindfruit

~ I want to be your friend. No one has to be alone ~

The Rhythm of my Mind

March 7, 2021

FREE WRITING

16
What makes me feel like myself?

Is it wrong if I’m not sure yet? If sometimes I feel detached from others, like I’m too different? If sometimes I feel like no one and someone? But what is my true, raw, specific purpose? Why was I chosen for whatever it will be? I know I have one. Every person has a purpose, if we just choose to step up to them. Some ignore them, but I wonder, what is mine? 

I don’t know yet. 

Until then, who am I?
I am a writer. I shape words into a name to adorn myself with.
Words help me close out the clamor of the world and think. I pick up a pencil when I feel ready to cry, as I do now. But for what reason? I’m not sure. Maybe because I’m overwhelmed by all the thoughts in my mind that I can’t seem to find a way to express.
I use words to be my connection to the abstract pieces of life, like nostalgia coating my emotions with honey and watermelon juice. I write to process, to heal, to imagine. It’s a part of me.
I write to tell people that I love them, and I write to show myself even when I’m not physically seen. Yet the person that writes from my heart seems unfamiliar to certain others I know. People around who don’t understand that I write from my soul. They think that to put colorful words on paper is to create something that lives in fantasy and is useless here, and they can’t see that for me, it’s the opposite; words help me get a grip on reality, and helps me find the depths of myself.
And those people who don’t understand never quite see the true me. You don’t have to see me to know me. Even though I don’t know my purpose, I’m slowly learning who I am. Who I am can be expressed in my writing, and with my writing, I am finally looking deep enough inside myself to figure out what makes me myself.
Time has ushered out my youngest years, when I felt like I was on top of the world, and brought in the time of uncertainty. I wait to find my purpose, sometimes feeling too useless to remember that I have one. Someday, I will see the plan. I lift my head toward the heavens, letting the shimmer guide my stumbling feet.
 I feel like such a small part of this world, clinging desperately to what I know. I write when I am too scared to do anything else. But someday, I will have faith and step into a new light. Then I will see once and for all who I am.
 
Either I will let myself fall, 

Or I will fly.
Well, I poured a lot of emotion into this. I guess recently my mind has just been extra full, so I had to do something with that, and I apparently unearthed a level of depth about myself I didn’t fully realize I had... so yeah. Anyway, I know God will take me where I need to go, as long as I trust, and the same for you. I’m here if you need anything. Love y’all! 

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” -Psalm 23

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  • March 7, 2021 - 4:48pm (Now Viewing)

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33 Comments
  • Nyla

    I loved this!! "I shape words into a name to adorn myself with." was so beautiful. The whole piece flowed very well and it was easy to read! The message was so powerful and relatable in this, "I write from my soul" soo true!! And the ending was soo powerful as well!! And your footnotes: yeah- sometimes I feel the same. Just confused about what I'm really supposed to do, and then I pray and feel ok again! :) RE: Aww, thank you so much! And oooh haha lol- dw, in the beginning, I didn’t even have my camera on. Cause I legit just woke up and was running around brushing my teeth and stuff lol! And yeah! I actually have a class in school right now which is called Hospitality. We basically just get to bake and cook all day! It’s so easy lol. But really fun! I just made cinnamon rolls and focaccia bread last week for our yeast unit which were pretty yummy! To be honest, baking anything is awesome but I really like desserts the best! XD And oooh ok, I actually haven’t read Lord of the Rings yet! I knowww- I definitely should! Hunger Games was awesome! (seeing your message from writer: yesssss- Peeta was sooo amazing) I would say right now, it’s tied between Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) and Life of Pi (Yann Martel). And ooooh that’s a pretty hard one because if I’m completely honest, I don’t listen to specific artists that much. To be basic I do love Shawn Mendes. I see you like BTS- I really love k-pop when I hear it but I hate the industry so I don’t often listen to it! Are there any other musicians you like?


    about 2 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    Re: I haven't read the Count of Monte Christo, though I feel like I've heard of it, maybe from you hahaha XD but I'll have to put it on my list!!!!


    2 months ago
  • (sk)eyesofocher

    re: ME ME ME IM DANCING WITH JOYYY
    I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU, MELLON!


    2 months ago
  • (sk)eyesofocher

    EDEN YOU'RE GOING TOO???


    2 months ago
  • mindfruit

    Ooh, and last thing, I love your pfp! Euphoria is such a great song, and I can totally see why Jungkook is your bias :)


    2 months ago
  • mindfruit

    Oh wow, this piece that you wrote here is beautiful. I think the message and just the prose in general really resonates with me — I too feel like I'm trying to figure who I am, and sometimes it's really unsettling to be in a world where you don't know what your purpose is or what you're supposed to do. But I think that's just a normal part of being a teenager, and I think as long as we have a way to express ourselves, we can slowly put together the pieces of our lives. I really love how raw the emotion is as well, and the fluidity of your writing truly demonstrates that your writing comes from your soul. It's extremely difficult make up emotions, so the fact that your writing is this coherent really goes to show that all of this is something real you're experiencing (hope that made sense). And last of all, I just love the subtle shift in tone towards the end. It leaves the reader with something hopeful to latch onto.
    Re: Aww, thank you so much for your comments! And that's awesome that you'll be at the summit! I'll be there as well :D And wow, you're a quick reader! So now that you're as finished with KOTLC as any other Keeper fan is, how do you like it?


    2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: ahh cool cool! i have yet to listen to "skit" and "stay" but so far i love every single song in it XD i'd love to hear your thoughts though once you do listen to all them!


    2 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: Yeah, I didn't know their birthdays in the beginning too :3. Anyways Y E S euphoria is a BOP!! UwU


    2 months ago
  • (sk)eyesofocher

    yes yes yesyesyesyes yes eden
    AND YOUR PFP YAS
    re: nopeee still no guy. Sorry to disappoint ;/


    2 months ago
  • beth r.

    the ending line is *chefs kiss*
    re: thanks!


    2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: one of the members' newest solo album or BTS' latest album? because the group's newest album is BE
    (also happy suga day! XD <3)


    2 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: Actually yesterday was Sugas b-day from BTS, and their new album should be coming out soon!! I can't wait, btw I LOVE YOUR PFP!! EUPHORIA!!


    2 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    Re: It's a mystery-sort-of-ish haha. It goes back and forth between 2018 and 1928. It's about one family's reputation, history, secrets, etc. They are very rich, to say it simply. It probably sounds boring from that description lol. I keep starting Little Women but never finishing it. I also really want to start the Great Gatsby. I recently read Breathe by Sarah Crossan which is a dystopian novel that my friend (who's a huge HG fan) recommended and I would also recommend it! I honestly haven't been reading a lot lately though :)


    2 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    Re: I'm good!! I just started writing a new story that I'm excited for. What have you been reading lately? Any recommendations?


    2 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Ah I see you've finished KOTLC. Great series glad you liked it :)
    Here I absolutely love " I shape words into a name to adorn myself with." that just gives more meaning into writing in a way I never thought about..


    2 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Re: Your comment made me cry, it was so beautiful and kind. Thank yous so much, it meant everything! You are incredible and I cannot wait to see what else you publish,


    2 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Re: Thank you so so much!


    2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: oh my gosh SAME, the more i listen, the more i'm in awe at how they outdo themselves with each tune. how are all of their songs absolute BOPS?! and they all have such gorgeous songwriting too??!!
    ooh, have you listened to any solo albums/tracks that the members have released? because speaking of beautiful songwriting, i listened to two of RM's solo songs "moonchild" and "forever rain" and i'm convinced he is a lyric genius XD

    (and ahhhh yes euphoria is so good, jungkook's singing is top-notch in it <3)


    2 months ago
  • ~rain~

    Re: Lolll yas Peeta is amazing :)


    2 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: HI!! Im doing good how are you?


    2 months ago
  • ~rain~

    Re: Lol sure I that would be fun :) HUNGER GAMES FANS LETS GOOOOO haha


    2 months ago
  • katnissromanoff

    Oh my, this piece is wonderful. I love it so much. The words are written so beautifully and your writing is amazing, as always :)
    How have you been??!


    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thanks bb <3


    2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: ahhh i'm so happy you like spring day! it's famous (infamous?) for being a very emotional song that makes everyone cry when it plays XD
    hm, not many other tidbits come to mind right now. i don't know if you spend time on youtube at all, but there are plenty of compilations and edits to appease all your bts cravings, and that's basically where i learn everything about them from XD


    2 months ago
  • Halopoet

    Re: ikrr. It HAS beeb too long if you were on another site we would talk everyday. The book is called carry on by rainbow rowell and its the best.


    2 months ago
  • books4life

    re: hey! i've been good. incredibly busy with life! very reflective as i begin as the school year comes to an end. this piece is full of emotion and heart and so refreshing to read. thank you for sharing your heart!! :)


    2 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    this is so raw and real and vibrant. i keep reading it over and over again, because wow, this is absolutely spectacular.
    i know it's really rapid, but i posted again (and it's happier this time!).


    2 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    oh gosh those last two lines really hit hard. ima write them on a sticky note and post it to my door. i love them so much!

    anyways...chapter 32 for T&R is out ;)
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/222260/version/465883


    2 months ago
  • serein

    re: ah I'm so glad it was! have a good dsay too!


    2 months ago
  • serein

    This is a beautiful piece. Your prose is so fluid, it's so easy to read, and the little metaphors you throw in here and there don't "clog" my brain you could say.
    I think sometimes I feel the same way. Writing is an outlet for me, it lets me express emotions I didn't think I could have. I think we both feel the same way about that :)
    Anyway, thank you for writing such a beautiful piece. I genuinely enjoyed this very much!


    2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    also this is such a gorgeous piece! it mirrors a lot of the same emotions and thoughts i experience sometimes. i especially love this line: "Someday, I will see the plan. I lift my head toward the heavens, letting the shimmer guide my stumbling feet." yes yes yes! <3


    2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: yep, none of them are related (but they're closer than family <333); ahaha no problem! i only have two other army friends irl, so i take the opportunity to gush about bts whenever i can XD


    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Wooo!!!! This is awesome!
    "I use words to be my connection to the abstract pieces of life, like nostalgia coating my emotions with honey and watermelon juice."
    Girl I went "YES" out loud XD I love that line best.


    2 months ago