Yellow Sweater

United States

(Formerly Zinniav)

I'm 17, interested in linguistics, mathematics, philosophy, theology, and history.

She/ Her | Bi | Disabled | Agnostic | Useless Intellectual | WA

I don't necessarily agree with my own assertions.

Message from Writer

I am primarily a poet, though I occasionally wade into prose and nearly always drown myself.

Listening to: Belle and Sebastian, Kings of Convenience, Jose Gonzales, Simon and Garfunkel, The Gentle Good

Reading: Albert Camus, Italo Calino, Robert Kaplan, Annie Dillard, Garcia Lorca, Hafiz, Ocean Vuong , Patrick Rothfuss, Teju Cole

Watching: Derry Girls, Madam Secretary, The Durells in Corfu, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

If you would like a review, just ask!

I am always looking for good new books to read. Suggestions are welcome!

Please, please, feel free to start up a conversation or debate in the comment section of any of my pieces. There is nothing I like more than intellectual discussion.

I Don't Know How to Pray, Passionately (Version 2)

March 10, 2021

FREE WRITING

9
I don’t know how to pray.

Sometimes I wonder if I am just not beautiful enough, not broken enough for God.   

Your religion is transcendent, sublime. It lives under the mud and above it. I'm jealous of how you expand, full of faith, to fit your constellations. Have you ever seen those gorgeous Georgian frescoes? They're fading now, but that's to be expected, considering they've withstood the Soviet Union and It's collapse.

It’s amazing that Seminary can produce both Stalins and Saints. But I suppose Religion would be passionless without idolatry, mere philosophy. Your burning love and hatred simplifies you into a hazy halo, an embarrassing fifty-foot-tall golden statue taken down in the night. Or I suppose it can leave you dead, nailed to a cross. 

I’d love to wake up, to feel my fingers and my toes and my animal insides. That's what it would take to become big, to become a body for God. 

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