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Message to Readers
still highly recommend the end poem by julian gough ive been chasing that poetic high ever since i read it. i recommend reading it on the wiki, not genius, as it is formatted better there. dont disregard it just cause its from a video game, y'all, art comes in all forms and this is one of them.
The rhythm of this piece is what really made an impact on me. I was surprised actually to see your footnotes when you say that you feel like your writing is more blunt than flowy because I think you mastered it here.
In the third stanza, you start introducing a bit of abstract imagery that really elevates the piece. I would suggest adding a few more lines of this type of imagery in the first or second stanzas as well- it's done so beautifully, and I would hate for it to be lost because it only comes later in the piece.
I really loved this piece and the vibe that it gave off! If you liked writing in a more flowy style I would totally encourage you do continue doing it because it suits you well.