Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
still highly recommend the end poem by julian gough ive been chasing that poetic high ever since i read it. i recommend reading it on the wiki, not genius, as it is formatted better there. dont disregard it just cause its from a video game, y'all, art comes in all forms and this is one of them.
Your writing style is honest and evocative without being overly frilly or elaborate, as you've mentioned in your footnotes. I carried on a bit much about how much physicality there is in your writing but I really found myself feeling the words instead of simply reading them off the screen! You have an incredible sense of movement and the senses and that really comes through in a delightful, life-affirming way, great work!
I've never seen a colourguard ensemble routine before, and I feel like there could be room for some exploration of textiles imagery through costumes and flags to make the setting more concrete for any readers unfamiliar with ensembles, since they look so elaborate and exciting (I watched a few on youtube). I also recommend looking at some poems by Muriel Rukeyser or any of Joan Didion's essays, since your style reminds me of theirs! Both use unadorned, naturalistic language in a very poignant way in reaction to the world around them. Don't worry though, I'm not setting homework!
Oh yeah, forgot to mention how effectively the title reflects the themes you explore here. Overall, a sensitive and vivid piece of prose-poetry, great work! I'm very excited to read more!