Peer Review by Nyla (Canada)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


the farm

By: nolongeractive


FREE WRITING

I can hear your thoughts and laughter
Through the fields and greenest pasture
Sleeping with the thought of you safe on the other side of the wall
Every month I’d come and visit
Walk the pond, warm and moonlit
You grew the pumpkin that carried me to the ball

I think I’ve heard these cries before
I really thought we were never-ending
I thought you’d be the one that I died for
But I never got the chance to
You were the rocket that made me soar
And now I’m broken; shattered on the grown
You were my town, you were my life
And I blame myself for letting you down
I thought you’d be the one that I died for

I still smell your warm spaghetti
By the fire, waiting for it to be ready
‘Cause you could always see me through the smoke
School plays, birthdays, and dances
Found myself lost in your caring glances
Your arms shielded insult; uplifted hope

I think I’ve heard these cries before
I really thought we were never-ending
My sea was meant to reach your shore
And now your tears rain down from the clouds
You were my home
But now I walk the farm all alone
I think I've read this story before

So I'll sing you this once more

When in doubt
You paved my route
And now, all I do for you
Is cry
I see your face in the sky
You’re a part of who I’ll become (a part of who I’ll become)
I never got to say ‘goodbye’ (never got to say ‘goodbye’)
For all time
You’re a tattoo drawn in my mind (you were so kind) 
If I could turn things around (if I could turn things around)
You would be here, by my side (you would be here, by my side)
The farm’s gates open wide
You were one of a kind (I wish you didn’t leave me behind)
I think I've lived this story before
And I’ll never like the ending
Gone before I could say ‘I love you more’
So who will text me back now?
You were my home
Now I walk the farm all alone
I don’t wanna live this story anymore

So I’ll sing you this twice more

When in doubt
You paved my route
And now, all I’m left to do 
Is cry
I see your face in the sky
You’re a part of who I’ll become (I still see your spirit in the sun)
And I never got to say ‘goodbye’ (I would give anything to explain why)
One last time
You’re a tattoo drawn in my mind (I hope that it’s peace you’ll find)
If I could turn things around (I can’t turn things around)
I wish I could’ve said ‘goodbye’ (you left without saying ‘goodbye’)
But, in time
I’ll learn from the love you left behind
One day we’ll meet again, with our stars aligned
I wish I could have said ‘goodbye’
 

‘Cause you’ll never know I want a husband, not a bride…
 

And now I walk the farm alone
The place where I have grown
But I know you watch me from an angel’s throne
And I know you’ll always love me
And I’ll take care of Papa and Marsaili
And forevermore, I’ll walk the farm in your memory
I love you, Gigi.
Rest in peace.

Hi, everyone! Here is the most special song that I have ever written, and it took three months to complete. For those who don't know, my grandmother, my soulmate, and my best friend, Gigi, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack on December 3, 2020; ten days before my sixteenth birthday and right before Christmas (her favorite holiday and time of the year). Moreover, I decided to share this with you all because Gigi loved my writing and she would want me to share it with you all. Growing up, my siblings and I would visit Gigi, our Papa, and their dog, Marsaili on the farm that they lived on (true story). It was our favorite place and we went every weekend; it was the best part of my childhood. Gigi was the best, she loved watching me write and dance and I still visit my Papa at the farm. However, I really hope you all love this song and it was very hard to share so please be kind and leave as much kindness and support as possible. Please comment and share this as much as possible; especially if you know someone who would like it or has gone through a similar experience. Also, I would LOVE A LOT OF PEER REVIEWS on this piece, since I put so much time and effort into this. Thank you, everyone. And, most of all, please remember to be kind and tell your loved ones how much you love and care for them while you still can, and always have hope.
All my love,
Jacob
Xo.

Peer Review

When I read the footnote, I was so moved. It's so sweet that you were so attached to your grandmother and thank you so so much for sharing this with us! I love it so much and even though you don't repeat a ton of sections (which I find a looot of songs do) because they're all so simple, it doesn't overpower any other part of it. You truly put a story in a song and that is sooo amazing!


No, it was soooo beautiful.


Reviewer Comments

RE: Awww, I'm so happy you enjoyed my comment, I enjoyed yours too :)) And thank you so so much! You literally have so much talent, I love every one of your songs. Also sorry, I couldn't get too technical in my review (I really am NOT a musician lol)