Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
How was the flow?
And which bits do you think could do with more imagery.
And if you really really want to write a review, is it a bit cheeky to ask if you review my previous story, wouldn’t harm a fly (that’s directed at anyone who’s about to review this out of boredom, btw folks I don’t wanna be a pushy person ahah).
Thank you for reading :)
I love the tone of this piece! Your voice shines! It's light-hearted and conversational, yet also sophisticated and detailed. Brilliant job!
You were asking about flow, so there were a couple spots where I felt like your sentences were a bit overly complex, especially towards the end. But for the most part it flowed wonderfully! I was completely enthralled!
First off, I read your message after completely a review of this piece. But I will definitely do a review of your previous story next!