psithurism

United States

she/her | christian
violist | nemophilist
est. 10/21/2020
~~~
“All our souls are written in our eyes.”
-Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac

Message to Readers

I would like to ask that you remain respectful in the comments, even if you do not agree with my beliefs, as my faith in God is the most important part of me. This is a nonfiction story.
(If any other Christians out there have tips on how to start reading the Bible, I'd love to hear them, I have no idea where to start, lol.)

never before, have the stars shined this bright

February 28, 2021

PROMPT: Dream Big

17

i can still see it when i close my eyes,
the bright and starry sky blurred by
the tears accumulating on my lashes,
the night almost two years ago when
i knew for the first time exactly what
i wanted to accomplish in my lifetime


church camp smelled like lost teenagers,
bug spray, and campfires, i was distraught
and on the edge of bawling my eyes out,
we sat around the fire pit, singing a worship
song with the other campers, it was lovely,
the echo of our voices in the night reached
for the sky and embraced the clouds, it truly
was one of the most beautiful sounds I've
ever heard in my life, but yet i stood singing
under the clouded night sky with anxiety
pooling in my stomach, i could not shake off
the confusion and fear, so i decided to pray

Heavenly Father,
this night is ever so perfect, could you
please give me just one more blessing?
could you let the stars shine tonight? i
think i'm ready to come home now
amen


and i opened my eyes

and all i could see was stars, everywhere
filling the previously dark sky, i felt as if
i were seeing the entire galaxy, i could not
stop the tears as they ran down my face, i
choked on a sob as i could hear voices around
me whispering, "look! the stars are out!" so
i spoke to God again, and i smiled and
laughed and cried, as i told Him, thank You
 
Almost two years ago, I made the most terrifying decision of my life. I chose to surrender, to deny myself, and to hand my life over to Jesus Christ. Since then I have failed, and came short in every way possible. I have chosen worldly pleasures over the love of God countless times, but He has never stopped loving me, never stopped forgiving me. Not once has He said, "This is the last time I will pick your pieces up and put you back together again." He has shown me love like no other, peace like no other, and comfort like no other. I do not go to church, I have not read much of the Bible, and if I'm being honest, I don't really know how to pray the right way, but I am going to get there. I am going to be a woman of God someday. I do not know which profession I want to go into, or what major I'm going to choose, but I know that someday, I will enter the gates of heaven and I'll here the words, "Welcome home," from God himself.

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  • February 28, 2021 - 9:38am (Now Viewing)

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18 Comments
  • FastOceanLove

    Re: ikr?! And then I went back to my school and the guys there and I was like oop this is definitely not hogwarts XD


    about 2 months ago
  • dee’s abditory

    This is amazing i am in love


    about 2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: You're welcome!! I'm so glad to have been able to encourage you a lil. <3


    about 2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh my gosh... this piece moved me in ways idk how to describe...
    "church camp smelled like lost teenagers,
    bug spray, and campfires,"
    Oh yes that's exactly it...
    Your encounter with God and the stars is something that seems so simple unless you know what it's like for God to answer a prayer like that (which I do), and in that case, it's magnificent.
    And your footnotes... It's so so true. God is freaking incredible. So patient and loving...
    The Lord's prayer can be a helpful tool in praying. I'd recommend looking it up in a more conversational translation (NLT is my favorite; it helps me enjoy reading the Bible) and trying to format a prayer with it as a guide. But don't worry about prayers coming out "right". Romans 8:26 says "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."
    Oh and if you can I think it'd be awesome for you to go to Ell's youth group.


    about 2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you!


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kiwi.... i understand so completely. i'm adding this to my mental collection of Proof that God is real and amazing and ahh im tearing up!! wow. this touched me. you wrote this beautifully about a beautiful subject and it's absolutely beautiful.
    i don't know any of the answers to the questions you asked. i don't know how to read the bible, either. i don't know how to pray "right" except for that there is no "right" way :) and ik regs already offered, but my youth group is also meeting in person again, so if you're ever interested it's every wednesday night at like 7 or something idk.... we can pick you up or whatever is best. or if not that's completely fine too. i love talking to you about religion because you get it, you know? i feel like we're kinda in the same place, if that makes sense. same and yet so unique.
    i love you, my kiwi!! more than the stars :) my prayers for you, that you will continue to grow closer to God each and every day, with each and every breath!!! <3


    about 2 months ago
  • dreamcatching

    I really love this for you and I'm so happy that you decided to give your life to God. he really is amazing. I also really relate to what your going through right now and I am in love with your mindset, just know that prayer doesn't really have a right way... You just talk and God listens. But thank you so much for this piece because it really has touched and helped me


    about 2 months ago
  • ReaganGrace

    Kiwi..... first i just want to say there is no wrong way to talk and pray to God, second if you ever want to join me at my Wednesday night church let me know, we drive by your house to get there so we can easily give you a ride! and lastly this piece is so beautiful and warmed my heart and is just perfect. Honestly there are no words that can describe how wonderful this is <3


    about 2 months ago
  • In Which Yaya Writes

    This piece seriously made me tear up!
    Ah, gosh, this is so amazing! I don’t actually remember when I got saved, because I was so young. But I do remember the first time I realized God answers my prayers. I had been struggling with wondering whether or not I was a true Christian, and whether or not God hears my prayers, which terrified me. I prayed and asked God to get me through it. Then I realized last Sunday that I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. It hit me like a blow to a stomach and I verbally gasped and started crying. It was just the most amazing thing because God actually listened and helped me feel like His child again.
    I’m so glad that you chose to become a Christian. That’s the most amazing thing. That part about the stars... just wow. That is truly awe inspiring.
    There are plenty of Bible plans and such, but I like using a book. I know it’s not quite as meaty as reading the Bible without a Bible study, but for the first time it’s really helpful. I’m doing Experiencing God right now.
    For prayers, I usually just say what is on my heart. If you’re wanting to do more structured prayers, follow the Lord’s Prayer. (Like, for “Give us this day our daily bread,” ask God to provide what you’re needing.) I always end my prayers with, “May the mountains fall before you, and the stars sing your praise,” because I also want to praise God in my prayers.
    My dad is a Pastor, and my mom is a Sunday School teacher, and I pride myself in knowing Theology, so if you ever have questions I would happily and joyfully answer them :).
    Also, I want you to know that everyone fails. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to Christianity and failing has always torn me up inside. I’m still learning how to deal with failure, but I know that if I confess to God He will forgive me.
    “I am going to get there. I am going to be a woman of God someday.” This is my hope. That’s why I wrote “An Act of War.” Because I want- yearn- to be a woman of God.
    I know I will see you when the battle is won :). And I will be praying for you tonight!
    I’m sorry this comment is so long- you’ve just struck and moved me in a way that hasn’t happened in a very long time.


    about 2 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Hiatus)

    Re: awww, thank you so much!!! :)


    about 2 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    re: thank you so much!
    also, i love your username. also, if there's anything you wanna talk about, faith-related or not, i got you. <3


    about 2 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    i remember you telling me about this. i’m not going to say the name, but i know which camp you’re talking about. i admire you for your faith and respect you wholeheartedly and although i don’t believe myself, i’ll always be there with you on your journey. love you always <33


    about 2 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    Oh, wow. That felt so powerful. I am so, so, joyful that you made that decision. Most important, most terrifying, for sure. You're eloquent and deeply poignant in this piece. The part about the seeing all the stars come out is just a miracle.
    I'm not sure there is one "right" way to pray. There are certainly prayers out there you can prayer, like the Lord's prayer from Matthew 6:9-13. but I've heard at my church that prayer is just a conversation with God. Phillippians 4:6-7 is a great verse explaining prayer. And it's totally a journey. A lifelong journey of love.
    One great way to start reading the Bible, if you don't own a paper copy, is to download the Youversion Bible App. It offers the Bible in dozens of translations and languages, as well as plans that go through the Bible in a year, or certain books/sections of the Bible. It also has devotionals specifically for things like depression, hope, anger, women, men, work, prayer, relationships, family, sports, and every topic you can think of. You can find me on there, actually. I'll tell you my username if you do decide to sign up for it. If you have any chance to get a paper copy of the Bible, or attend a solid church, I recommend it. Community is so important. Bible versions I can recommend: well, the King James Version is in old English, but it does retain a certain beauty. New King James Version is the one we use in church, since it's very similar to KJV without the archaic language. NIV is great for an in-between. I also have found that the NASB is one of the most accurate translations, and NLT is a great starter.
    Emi, Stone of Jade, Anne Blackwood, and many others on here are dedicated Christians who would be very happy to help you also. Lmk if you have any questions! I'm not an expert, but hopefully I can point you in a good direction.


    about 2 months ago
  • SamRose

    Yes! I love it. I am LDS, so I am technically Christian I guess? But I try to think of Christ in everything I do, and it has a big impact on my life. :)


    about 2 months ago
  • serein

    re: haha thanks!
    no, this is definitely the best dream to have :) (or at least the most important one)


    about 2 months ago
  • serein

    This brought me to the campfire--I could hear the prayer. This is so beautiful, I swear I held my breath throughout the piece it was so moving.
    And I honestly think you brought this prompt to a deeper level than most. This should be my dream as well, and I forgot it until you reminded me.


    about 2 months ago
  • rosi willard

    re: ikr quinn makes my heart go "uwu" honestly
    and i'm the one writing about him sooo the irony? lol


    about 2 months ago
  • aaliyahh

    okay wow- this is gorgeous, when i was reading this it felt so real like i was there..love this!! god has his ways :))


    about 2 months ago