Peer Review by Mr. Colin E. (United States)

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Stolen magic

By: Starlitskies


Write about the first thing you see when you close your eyes. (by Lata.B)



When I was six and afraid of the dark, my mother bought me a set of glow-in-the-dark stars. She fashioned them into a constellation on the ceiling above my bed. The star-scape was plastic, but as the distance between night and day grew, they transformed into something more; utterly magical. I still slept with the lights on, but the stars served a purpose too: they kept my nightly wonderings company. In the light, they were faint and off-white. I linked them into patterns with my eyes.

When I was nine, my family moved out of the house and into an apartment in the heart of the city. Someone brought the stars back to earth, and one by one, they went missing from our palms, but my sister, she held onto one. Eight years later, yesterday, she handed me that one star. It was less ethereal than I remembered; just a five-pointed plastic star, dim and brittle in my hand. Someone had stolen its magic. I knew I'd lose it to earth again, so I put it up in the sky, above my bed. 

I'm not afraid of the dark anymore, it's my ally. Last night, when I turned off the lights, the star shone against the dark, finally fulfilling its prophecy, glowing in the dark. When I closed my eyes, it lived in that darkness, ephemeral under my eyelids. The star hadn't lost its magic. I had.


 

True story. Now I have a single glow-in-the-dark star on the ceiling of my room. It's fascinating how life was way more magical as a kid. It seems I've lost a lot growing up, but I guess that's what happens with everyone else too...right???

Message to Readers

I know I didn't exactly stick to the prompt, but I really enjoyed writing this. :)
Hope you have a great day/night! <3


Peer Review

My favorite element of this piece is the symbolism of behind it; a loss of innocence and how it changes the way people see things. As children, we have a sense of wonder and magic about the world, but as we grow older, our perception changes with a harsh reality until that magic is gone. The ending line "The Star hadn't lost its magic. I had." really portrays this theme well. Very intriguing.


Perhaps you could add some dialogue to flesh out your loss of innocence and maybe describe the patterns you "linked" with your eyes just a bit more to help bring out the magic of this piece. However, these are merely suggestions and you don't have to take them. Also, what inspired you to write this piece other than the prompt?


Reviewer Comments

Hello Starlitskies, it's your friendly neighborhood Senior Peer Reviewer and I very much enjoyed reviewing this piece of yours. I found it to be very deeply symbolic on the loss of childhood innocence and just how it can affect a person, very intriguing indeed. While there are some things in need of improvement, it's still a really good piece. I fully encourage you to keep writing and have a wonderful day.

Btw, this is merely a minor comment, but I find it quite ironic you wrote a piece about stars because your user name is Starlitskies!