Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
If you have read this before, you might notice that it is shorter than it used to be. I felt like the chapter was a little long, so I broke it off in a different place, and the rest of this chapter is now the beginning of chapter two, which I am nearly finished with and should be posted soon. :)
I love the concept, this is definitely a book that I would read if I found on a shelf.
I would just say to try to use the show don't tell method more. Also, sorry I went a little hard on the editing. It's because one, I see lots of potential in this and two, I love it when people critique my work so I figured other people would like it too.
I loved this so much and I can't wait to read more!!!