Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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He, She, and I

By: Aspen Gray


PROMPT: WILD

My heart was hidden, but she touched it.

My heart was dead, but she uplifted it.

My heart was incurable, but she resurrected it.

 

She was wild, but he broke her.

She was defiant, but he mastered her.

She was vibrant, but he numbed her.

 

He left her, but I found him.

He pleaded, but I silenced him.

He struggled, but I finished him.

 

But then she left me, too.


I shifted around the stanzas so 'wild' is no longer in the first line. Sorry, prompt.


Message to Readers

Does the story make sense? Thanks so much for taking a couple minutes to read!


Peer Review

The ending line. It follows the idea that evil leads to evil, but at the same time you feel slightly bad for the narrator. Sure, he killed the man who he thought "broke her" but only because she meant a great deal to him. You did a great job of rationalizing a "villain's" motivation and making him semi-sympathetic


With each verse, you switch the overall feeling you're evoking: happiness, sadness, vengeance with a side of horror, and finally crushing loneliness, emptiness, and depression. You do this with the repetition and contradictions. First stanza is a pattern of sad declarations immediately contradicted with happy ones. The second stanza switches the order, and the same pattern is followed with the rest. The last line is different. While all the other stanzas are three lines long, this one is just a single line. It's entirely alone. You keep your lines short and to the point, leaving no room to argue.


Reviewer Comments

The prompt accepts your apology, albeit begrudgingly.