barelybear

United Kingdom

she/her, INFJ-A
musicals
fantasy/dystopian fiction
piano
life goal = becoming fluent in le français
☕️
est August 2020
community ambassador alum :D
They tell me I’m 16 but I’m sceptical
the squirrel is back!!

Message to Readers

Trying to expand out of the comedy niche, and do something meaningful...
I would love feedback on word choice, rhythm, and overall impact of the piece.
As always, if you would like a review or any feedback, leave me a comment, and I’ll be right over (it’s half term in the UK, so I’m pretty much on here or asleep constantly now)

Wouldn’t Harm a Fly

February 19, 2021

FREE WRITING

7
I first saw him three nights ago
A fly.
Tiny, lying half inside an evaporating skin,
Of water on the floor of the shower,
Shrivelled, raw, but scraping by.

I contemplated pulling the plug
On a fly. 
Imagined how easy it would be to just sit by,
Let the water crumble from the sky around him and
Numb my mind as he is dragged down the drain.

But there was something in his eyes
This fly.
Some resonant plea, some hoarse battle cry,
Some force applied that yanked my hand to pause, 
To scoop, a thought to get him off the shower floor. 

I thought that was the end for me 
And the fly.
But last night he’d come back to the side,
Crawled his way to the sink and I
Thought “Nice of him to drop back by.” 

He looked weak and numb and hungry
The fly. 
So who was I to deny the guy,
An off cut from the bathroom plant?
A tiny, withered leaf for a tiny, shaking fly.

The night buzzed by and come morning I saw 
My fly. 
Lying, legs up, on the side,
In the dark, no cries, no gasps,
Just him, the sink, the ragged plant.

And he had died
My fly.
I washed him down the sink in silence, 
Last night, I gave him a tiny leaf,
While he gave me his last goodbye. 
 
Mortified — I really wanted to put that in, but it just didn’t feel right anywhere, so have a footnotes rhyme.

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  • February 19, 2021 - 11:02am (Now Viewing)

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16 Comments
  • WrenBirdWrites

    I love this wow! Really great imagery and I love that it's not just "a fly" but that it's "My fly" and "the fly" and "that fly" It is specific to that one particular fly, and I love it.


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    I loved the rhymes and the story had great pacing! One thing- what is with you and flies? XD No but I loooove your imagery, especially the first stanze. Like "evaporating skin" wow!
    RE: Of course!! And haha loll, I didn’t even realize I did anything wrong until I heard sparks and then I looked and a side of the foil had caught on fire!!
    Mmmm yum, I will definitely try that recipe sometime and report back to you!
    And awww thank you!! I’m so glad you liked it! And thank you!! Have a great evening when you read this! :)


    6 months ago
  • WolfyPop

    This was really cool, I really liked the unique formatting and rhythm to this piece! I like it a lot ^-^


    6 months ago
  • Livsnjutare

    re: Thank you so much! You have a good day too! <3


    7 months ago
  • Livsnjutare

    This is so sad and so beautiful!! I never knew it was possible to make a poem about a fly, so moving for the reader. This is great, I loved it!


    7 months ago
  • Love, Rose

    this is beautiful


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Lmao yeah. She's awesome :) I mean I think it'd be cool but whatevsss. Haha and yeah she's so good! I love how she says legally blind. LOL I guess that's like the overrated "monay" and "a cuppa tea".


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Feel the WRATH! That sounds cool! Why yes indeed 0_0 Uh not really. I'd just say that's cool or somethin. Some people might say it but I don't lol


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    ahh gosh that's so long wow. i didn't realize it when i was commenting, srry lol


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: the "mhmm" at the end XD. but yeah...just thinking about it makes me nostalgic, it's like my second home. i wish i could send you pictures of it or something, but ig it's cool that you get to imagine it how you think it'd look like. it's hard to describe their house...basically there are gates, an outdoor garage on the right, and then a pathway up to their house. everything is sort of old fashioned, but not completely antique either. they also have such a beautiful outdoor area, there are two ponds, a pool on the uppermost level (they sorta have different "levels" of their back/front yards), a chicken coop, and a little playground they made for us when we were younger. i wouldn't exactly call it a yard or a garden but it's kind of a mix of both, full of flowers and olive trees and grape vines in one area which they pick olives and grapes from so they can turn it into olive oil and grape juice...they live in the provence-alpes cote d'azur region so olive oil and wine is big there. they don't do it professionally or anything, just when we visit, although sometimes before because of the season. (they couldn't turn the grapes into actual wine bc me and my brother wanted to try it so badly afterwards, so they had to resort to grape juice lol)
    when i'm there i appreciate nature the most, especially bc they actually don't have wifi at their house, my grandma forbids it XD but i don't mind.
    oh srry this rant doesn't have anything to do with ur actual comment, i was just having a little reminiscing moment and this is basically me thinking out loud haha


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ahh tysm!! i'm so grateful for that, idk how it happened in less than a month. ty for being one of my followers and WtW friends! ;)
    second re: wow, i really appreciate that. thank you for being so encouraging, it means so much :D
    third re: ahahahah "drug sniff dogs" i'm deaddd. but yes lol, not sure if u remember but i commented on one of ur pieces maybe 2 weeks ago? saying ur life goal was cool cause i was half french XDD. anyway, yeah i absolutely love it there...my mom's side of my family is french, and my grandparents live in a little town about an hour away from nice. there's a church, a bakery, a restaurant, a few shops and some nice town homes in the main part of it, like those houses that don't have any space between them, if yk what i mean. then there's a road that you can drive up a little mountain and my grandparents live along that, not too high altitude, it's only like a five minute drive from the main town but it's so beautiful. i just love going there and seeing them, so it was rlly sad when i couldn't last summer, especially since they live alone so they especially look forward to it.
    and yeah hehe my bday. i keep on saying this but it seems so crazy that i'm turning 14 when i feel like i turned 13 only a couple months ago.
    thanks again for ur comment! :)


    7 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Tell me why this poem about a fly brought tears to my eyes. this is wonderful.


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    NOO. WHY DID U HAVE TO MAKE ME SAD?! poor fly. hmph :(
    but seriously, this was really good. it actually happened to me once...i tried to save a fly caught in the sink when i was like 10 and then it ended up dying a couple hours later. this piece captured the feeling of it perfectly. i especially like-
    "I contemplated pulling the plug
    On a fly.
    Imagined how easy it would be to just sit by,
    Let the water crumble from the sky around him and
    Numb my mind as he is dragged down the drain." because it kinda has a deeper meaning to it, like the easy choice vs hard choice in life and the resulting guilt dilemma, at least how i interpreted it. overall, great job!! :)
    re: ahah sometimes it feels like we're melting in the summer. thankfully, i escape the worst of it most years bc i go to france to see my grandparents, where it's less hot, but i couldn't last time bc of covid. and yeah i absolutely love gingerbread flavored hot drinks...and autumn in general. it's great even without the bonus of the leaves, though it was so beautiful when i lived somewhere where that did happen.


    7 months ago
  • MadelineJane

    Err... sorry I meant, like, if I post comments on MY writing, you won't be notified. Sorry if that was confusing.


    7 months ago
  • MadelineJane

    Re: I am so sorry, someone told me that you won't be notified on any of the writing that I post comments on, so I would like to repeat,
    Thank you so much!
    I'm also SUPER thankful for your feedback! I'm so glad that people with more experience than me can point those little details out, and I CANNOT wait to edit this prologue! Thank You Thank You Thank You SO MUCH! (Sorry, I get that it's a little excessive, but I seriously cannot tell you how grateful I am!) :D


    7 months ago
  • MadelineJane

    OH MY GOSH THIS WRITING LITERALLY MADE ME CRY!!!
    GOOD JOB


    7 months ago