barelybear

United Kingdom

she/her, INFJ-A
musicals
fantasy/dystopian fiction
piano
life goal = becoming fluent in le français
☕️
est August 2020
community ambassador alum :D
They tell me I’m 16 but I’m sceptical
the squirrel is back!!

Message to Readers

Thank you so much for following me all of you!!
I love hearing your comments.
Is the Scottish ok? Feedback gah. Also are the characters distinct enough/too boring or confusing?
Thank youuuu <3

The Great British Brew-Off - the first contestants (100 followers squeeee)

February 18, 2021

FREE WRITING

6
Harry: So, shall we meet some of this year’s competitors? 

Shot of contestant #1, Chantelle chopping berries. 

Harry V/O: Our youngest competitor this year is Chantelle, a 20-year-old check-out woman from Essex. 

Saul and Berry come over. 

Chantelle: What are you looking at? 

Berry: Hi Chantelle! What are you making for us today? 

Beat as Chantelle fixes them with a rather magnificent glare that we could all learn from and use when our teachers set us three times the recommended amount of maths homework and — oop back to the script.

Chantelle: Tea. 

Saul: You’re pretty young to be a master brewer. What makes you think you have what it takes to win the competition? 

Chantelle: Just searched up Berry Merry’s favourite tea, didn’t I? Lemon matcha.

Berry: Matcha sounds interesting. I see you’ve got some blackberries you’re chopping there...

Saul: Yeah, what’s happening with those? 

Chantelle blows a bubblegum bubble in Saul’s face. It pops.

Silence.

Cut to shot of Saul and Berry at contestant #2, Maud,’s bench. The bench is empty.

They wait. 

Camera pans to see Maud hobbling on a zimmer frame across the tent. 


Harry V/O: Maud, aged 84, is our oldest contestant in the tea tent. She is a proud grandmother of 6 and in her spare time enjoys crochet, painting and dog fighting. 

Maud: Sorry, dearies! Just had to pop to the little girls’ room. 

Harry V/O: Wait. Dog fighting?! Isn’t that illegal? 

Maud arrives at her station and reaches for a cup. Her arm shakes, and moves as if through treacle. (Or perhaps like a teenager after that realise they have to get out of bed to do maths.) Berry lets out a sigh of relief as Maud finally picks up the cup.

Saul: Hello, Maud. Would you like to tell us what you’ll be making today?

Maud puts the cup back down to answer the question. Berry deflates, disappointed. 

Maud: Sorry, dear? I didn’t catch that. 

Saul: What are you making? 

Maud: Sorry, dear?

Maud begins to stretch her hand out towards the cup again. Berry gives a pointed look at the camera, then heads towards the bench of contestant #3, Connor. The camera follows, leaving Saul alone with Maud. 

Harry V/O: The next contestant is 34-year-old Connor, who lives in Aberdeen with his wife, Jenny, and two children.

Connor, naturally, is wearing a kilt. 

Connor: Ooh hullo! Hoo’s it gaun, Berry? 

Berry: Hi Connor! What kind of tea are you going to be having a go at?

Connor: “Havin a goo at?” Dae ye ken hoo importan this is? Haud yer wheest - am gonnae make a pure great scran. 

Berry: I see. But what flavour are you going to make?

Connor: Och, my cup a tea’s gonnae be all natural. A wee bit a water, and my favourite fizzy juice, Iron Bru. 

Berry: Ooh.. that sounds delicious. But are you sure it’s a tea? 

Connor: A unnerstaun what yer sayin, but dinny be worried. I’ve made it hunners of times before. It’s braw. 

Berry smiles and nods. The kind of stiff smile that you give to a teacher you will now have a vendetta against for the rest of your school career. The smile that you force through gritted teeth as you text your friend below the camera. The smile that wishes you could tell them not to do this dreadful thing that will surely result in — let’s not dwell on this. 

Camera cuts back to Saul and Maud. 


Saul: WHAT. TEA. ARE. YOU. MAKING. HERE?

Maud: No, I don’t think I do want to start a baking career. 

Saul looks blankly at the camera. I think we might’ve broken him.


Broken him like a poor child in the face of way too many equations? 





 
If anyone reading this is Scottish, firstly sorry ahah. I did watch a lot of YouTube videos to try and get the accent, and I know you guys don’t wear kilts all the time. Only on Thursdays. 
Secondly, I had to put a Scottish guy in, for northern representation, and because of Julie in Code Name Verity (I cannot express how much I adore that book) 
Soooo I would love input on phrases you use in Scottish dialect (I tried aiming for Doric...) , and how to improve, to include in the next scenes! 

Loads of thanks to this website in particular:
https://www.myvoyagescotland.com/scottish-sayings#Eh

And um can we mention the 100 followers thing? I know it’s not just me because somebody commented saying well done (side note: awww <3). It’s kinda crazy that 100 strangers liked my work enough/were crazy enough/felt so bad because I followed them first that they decided to follow me! Every comment I get from all of you means so much to me, and I adore seeing everyone’s work! 

Also I’m not kidding about the maths. But hey, I suffer and turn it into art for you guys :p
(my overhyped brain just told me to add that my ratio of followers to following is 25:31*, in case you wanted to know lmao) 

If you know the gogglebox narrator, that’s exactly what I imagine Harry’s voice to be like. 

*yall this morning I claimed another three souls, so now the ratio has changed. Man I shouldn’ta waited until now lel. 

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  • February 18, 2021 - 3:28am (Now Viewing)

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26 Comments
  • Nyla

    HAHHA Mary Berry!!! Iron Bru is sooo yummy though! And haha I loveee this series! Oh my it's hilarious!! I love Connor!! And I looove how you keep describing things to math teachers and math homework, it's just so unique and really helps imagine everything going on!!
    also awwww your footnotes are so sweet!! Woohoo for now 127 followers!!!! Go Ellie!!!
    RE: Awwww you’re so sweet!! I’m so glad you liked it! And haha, I gave up on it too for the longest time, but the way I decided to pick my words was to plan out what the 6th stanza would be (the one where it’s just the end words) and then I started from the beginning!
    Ooooh niceee!!!! Ahh, it’s only been a few days but I already miss coffee- I just got Invisalign which is like braces and you’re not really supposed to have coffee with them :( but I think I’ve convinced my mum to buy me a frap from Starbucks! (Cause of all the pain I’m in from the Invisalign lol)
    And HAHA, awww that sucks! British accents are my literal favourite! They just sound so intelligent!! Awww, yeah, those accents are sweet too!
    Haha yeah! And hahah, who are the top 3 celebrities you would want to date?
    (Lolll, my 3 are all British HAHAH, but I mean Tom Holland, Zayn Malik, and Louis Partridge!!! Come on!!) XD
    And awww thank you!! Hope you’re having a good day!! :) (or well, I guess it’s evening there now)
    Also omg, I can't believe I forgot to acknowledge your name in the last comment- your name is Ellie?? That's sooo pretty!!! I love it! Is it short for anything or just Ellie?


    6 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: pretty accurate, iF i dO sAy sO MySeLf. oh and the land of nonexistent seasons, sucks for me cause i love the the multicolor-ness of fall and snow but nope. it's palm trees and sunlight all yr long.
    true, but sometimes it does last a while. and then sometimes the 5-10 minute rain showers occur every thirty minutes so it rains all day but inconsistently. for the past month or so tho, it hasn't rained where i live at allll :( i like the rain.
    yeah u should use that in a piece, it was actually rlly good lol. oh wow haha, 15 degrees is like around 60 farenheit i think? which means you're average high is our low. LOL 30 degrees is the end? welp. that's probably like in the 80s, which is our average summer temp XD. to be fair, it'd be the same for us if it went below 50. i'm one of the few who like cold weather...and doesn't like really hot weather, so i'm in the wrong place haha


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ahah in florida it's the opposite. (although i lovee hot chocolate) it's like 85- 100 degrees out in summer and varying between 70 and 90 for the rest of the yr so we mostly stick to cold drinks. tho we did have a 55-65 degree day this winter, that was nice, but it could've been colder. meanwhile, my mom and brother are like, "iTs FrEeZiNg" but that's 90% of floridians XD. thing abt florida is that it's a humid type of hot, so in the spring and summer we get tons of rain...but not cold rain. they're the kind of storms where it's like, completely pouring and then five minutes later it's clear and the sun is out.


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: lol sameee except it was soccer tournaments for both me and my brother. there was a concession stand at the fields where they had slushies, ice pops, candy, chips, granola bars, etc. and whenever me or my brother weren't playing, we'd just go there and buy snacks XD


    7 months ago
  • JonesyL123

    Hey! I just published more for my story "The Death Clock"


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    re again: Yass that would be so fun. I guess you get to do that as a CA; you have some vid calls don't you? Here's a great vid on how to do accents: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ouDcXRU-rs. When my fam was travelling around America in our RV my sister and I spent hours watching this vid and trying to duplicate them! There's no Australian one tho. My fav is the last one, Transatlantic; it's so fun to try!


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    re: lmao :P I think you'll be safe from the scots revenge...........BUT NOT MINEEEEEE!!!!!!!


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ahahah idrk why but that made me laugh so hard. the only one of those i actually go to is target tho. 7/11 is off limits because apparently "its uNhEaLtHy", and we never go to walmart. idk why but...yeah :(
    target on the other hand, hehe. we always get slushies when we go there...so a win win situation. i also just like going to the store, my mom doesn't tho...she calls it something like "another one of those stores full of junk and nothing you actually need". welp.
    also, i've realized in this comment i probably come off as pretty immature...like "ooh slushies" and stuff haha...but it's just the five yr old in me ;)


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: haha i've attempted to imitate both of those...most of the time i try posh english but my brother will just randomly go up to me and say (in the chav accent), "hey guys today we're going to learn how to get FREE ROBUX. all you need to do is click that link and put in your social security number, quick and easy, and you should get your million robux RIGHT away"
    lol whenever he does that he's making fun of this certain clickbaity youtuber who tries to scam ppl into getting "free robux" (my brother rlly likes roblox haha). but anyway, the guy happens to be english and speaks in a chav accent and since i've heard my brother say that a lot, i've tried to speak like that for fun occasionally XD. and oh i've never read to kill a mockingbird, but i think i can imagine what the southern accent's like lol


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Oh also, congrats on 100! You totally deserve it :D


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re; Lmao thanks. How I would pronounce it is "goood *accentuate the o's* dahy * like you're saying ayyyy* mayte. :P


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Aaaaaah this is awesome! I wrote a book for a comp on here and a guy had a scottish accent. I actually recognized most of the words! Luv it so much <3


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ahaha the accent...i don't think i have a specific one, it'd just be american ig. it's funny bc i grew up in nyc but literally didn't know what a new york accent was until after i moved XD. no one spoke with the typical ny accent, like the heavy "aw" sound and stuff, probably because i was in the city? oh i was actually practicing an english accent last year bc i didn't want to disgrace myself (too badly lol) at a play my friend's dad set up, where i'd be a pilgrim. i still do it occasionally...is it just me or when you hear other people's accents do you pick up on it? it drives my brother crazy because he thinks my english accent sucks, but i think it's improved XD


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: OMG NUUUU I WONT LET YOU HAHAH!!! XD


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: Lol, it's not that great here in America. We got stupid gun laws (a.k.a. no gun laws), bad environmental policies, and SnOw In fEbruARy and sUN in DeCEmebER.
    XD But lolll that does sound awful, when my bro and dad annoy me, I'm just like, "Ha! Amateurs. Everyone knows I'm the most annoying one here!"


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: oh yes my LiTtLe 12 year old brother can be quite embarrassing. yep...twelve XD. it really was funny after...my proctor didn't directly point it out but she told me to make sure nothing was distracting me next time lol. XD that must've been awkward for ur sister...online school stories are endless. one day my brother hadn't realized his mic was on and he was eating chips...so everyone in his class heard some nice chip-crunching asmr for a couple of seconds. i've had my fair share of google meet embarrassments as well, but they're hilarious after hehe


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: np, and this is unrelated but back to what you said earlier...siblings WILL be the death of me. yk how i was talking about that deca program before? well, i was taking an exam for it that was proctored and it's for the state conference so it's pretty important...but my brother decides to go in my room during it and start playing a yt video while singing some song he made about my dog. after he noticed i was ignoring him he decides to walk to my desk with computer in hand, youtube open, talking about some minecraft thing. i tried ignoring him but eventually had to tell him to stop because i was taking a test. then he goes, "uR dUmB aNd UgLy aNd i hOpE u fAiL"-lovely :D
    and the cherry on top? both my mic and camera were on...because they had to make sure ppl weren't cheating. they heard it all. welp. not like that'd make an impact on how well i did but my proctor probably thought we had an...interesting sibling relationship after that lol.
    okay sorry for this weird rant but this happened like 30 minutes ago XD


    7 months ago
  • JonesyL123

    I think you are the most British person I've come across on this site hehe, this piece so realistic I love it!
    RE: Thank you so much for your comment on my piece "The Death Clock" you seriously made my week! It's so uplifting when someone writes a comment!


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    REplying: OK, A HUG IN ORDER! Poor thing, losing your stuffed animal AND stubbing your toe! *virtual hug*
    And ARE YOU SPYING ON ME? *glares* How did you know I'm writing it on a post-it note? *suspicious*


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: Ok, first, YES NEVER WATCH THOSE.
    Second, that's cute! One time, I had a little bear and I dropped her and someone stepped on her and I never saw her again. *heart breaks* *sniff* still hurts...
    Thirdly, YOU BETTER NOT! EVIL GENIUS! I'm still trying to remember who wanted reviews and who didn't and who didn't want reviews and it's all just melding together and I'm terrified I'm gonna forget someone...


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: OMG YOU TOO? WHAT ABOUT TRUE GRIT? AND THE QUICK AND THE DEAD?


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: HA! My dad makes me watch creepy old western movies. *shivers* Nightmares galore...


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: np! hmm...well ya see, i'm probably not the right person to ask because all my pieces sound the same lol. i'm working on expanding my genres too...but i think both of the ideas sound cool. i'd be so looking forward to reading the first one XD, but i think the other one could be really good as well. for the second one, if it doesn't come as naturally because it's not comedy, and since it's the symphony around us, i'd say going outside would make a difference. i've been completely uninspired and then have gone on little walks, made some observations, and then thought of analogies and metaphors to use for a poem, and it really does help. every time you think of something just write it down in a notebook or on ur phone or something and then piece together the poem that way. that's what i did for one of my pieces, it's titled when day becomes night or something...i forgot the name lol. it's not like a really good poem but it did work for me. also, it helps to read poetry from genres you aren't really familiar with. even if you're not crazy about the genres, find poems you do like and take inspiration from there, and then just experiment. try stuff out and it doesn't have to come together all at once, find whatever style's most comfortable for you when you write other genres. (that sounded super generic but oh well)
    *bows* thank you for your time, and listening to my extremely unhelpful advice :D


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: lol yeah. and nope, last night i actually got sleep yAy...i live on the east coast (in florida) so it would've been 3 am.
    XD i love this!! and the italicized text just makes it better...i need more pls hehe.
    ALSO...CONGRATS ON 100 FOLLOWERSSSS :DDD...you're really talented and absolutely deserve it!! (ahaha idk if you followed me first or not but dw, i would've followed you even if you didn't)
    hope ur having a great day too!! :)


    7 months ago
  • Parisienne

    Doing Britain proud, well done for the tea and Weetabix contribution to English patriotism! Better go have my scone. Hope you're having a good day lil sis <3


    7 months ago
  • Parisienne

    You are so funny!!!! 'I know you guys don’t wear kilts all the time. Only on Thursdays. ' you have no idea how much that made me laugh lol. I wanna watch this show!!! :D


    7 months ago