crystalline•galaxies

Switzerland

tuffy
she/they
infp-a | 4w5

Message to Readers

well, this did better than i expected. thank you all so much for your kind comments!

day·dream /ˈdāˌdrēm/ noun

February 19, 2021

FREE WRITING

22
1. pleasant thoughts that distract from a situation

fingers drum against my desk. up and down, up and down. perhaps they reach for my pen and click it occasionally; in all honesty, i have lost track of their location. 

i have lost track of most things, it seems.

thoughts float through my head, coming and going as they please. sometimes they take the form of dancers, moving gracefully to the beat coursing through my earbuds; other times, they become villains wearing big black combat boots that stop through puddles with reckless abandon. my hands lift on their own accord, swiping through the air as if trying to paint the images that flash in front of me, and i can feel my face contorting into various expressions aligning with the moments fluttering in my mind. it is pure bliss, pure ignorance, pure serenity. 

my schoolwork lays unfinished in front of my unseeing eyes, but there will be more time later. for now, i sink deeper into the fantasies i have created, feeling freer than i ever have before.


2. unwarranted thoughts that grip the attention and never let go

fingers run up and down the seam of the quilt, getting faster and faster and faster until numbness spreads into my hand.  back and forth, back and forth, backandforth. i know where they are and what they are doing, though i cannot control them lest i implode upon myself.

everything is vivid. all of it.

the near-hallucinations flash violently in front and inside of me, unnaturally unblurred by the tears that fill my eyes. they mutate from one horrid  delusion to the next, shoving files of perverted and grotesque scenes into my overwhelmed mind and cackling into my ears. i feel my voice crying out in desperation somewhere next to me. my body curls up, trying to protect itself, but the thing destroying it is on the inside, so it screams louder. i finally force myself to stretch out, take a shaky breath, and lay facing the other side of the bed, gritting my teeth as the dreams continue trample through my head like a herd of unruly bison. it is pure horror, pure torture, pure disgust.

my pillow lays unused in the middle of the night, stains of tears and snot soaking through to the feathers. i do not know when i can finally return to it, but for now, my phone is in my hand, my fingers anxiously darting around to find something to distract the fantasies and make them leave. 

Print

See History
  • February 19, 2021 - 10:20am (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

14 Comments
  • Wisp

    Replying: Aw dear, don't even mention it, I love reading your work and picking them apart. They always have so much to tell and they always have me thinking. Haha, well whether it was a theme or not, you managed to create such beautifully poetic pieces from them, and I found that so insightful honestly. Of course my dear, I'd do it time and time again, over and over once more. Love you hon <3


    3 months ago
  • Wisp

    The way you capture the two sides of daydreaming; the serenity, calm, and beauty and the horror, the nightmares, and sights that make you want to scrub your skin raw is just beyond words. Because I agree, daydreaming isn't just escapism, it's realism covered in the veil of fantasies. Sometimes daydreams aren't dreams, but the nightmares of the day and you capture that concept in such a wondrous manner. I honestly wasn't expecting the way you took this concept, but the fact you wrote it the way you did is just a lovely thing. It makes the reader stop and think, makes the reader wonder what is happening, because you show us reality, not just what we want but the simple truth. I find that recurring pattern in your writing just so soothing and comforting and I love it so dearly. Beautiful piece my dear.
    Replying: Yes! Yes! I'm back! Ahh you're so so sweet my dear, honestly I missed you all too so it's nice returning. I've been alright, a little bit more stable enough to return and all haha. You're just a sweetheart and the fact you took time to actually read my dust jacket, oh my gosh, I'm beyond words honestly. That thing's just so long. And that's so cool that we have so many similarities! Makes us feel closer in a way huh? Anyways hon, I've missed seeing you on this site and I hope all's well with you!


    3 months ago
  • mirkat

    re: life just keeps going, you know? it's all the same until it isn't and even then it's just a distorted replay... writing and music and nature keeps me going. i really need a purpose in life. reading other's writing makes me happy though and i am so lucky to be able to read your pieces.
    <3<3w<3


    3 months ago
  • Blue Jay

    Super relatable. It describes it so well, I love the ballerinas vs. Combat boots analogy. It just is so beautiful and the imagery and word choice is just so good. Amazing work


    3 months ago
  • mirkat

    i am awe-struck wow everything is so real and electric and vivid and beautiful and this is so relatable. and what shell said about the two definitions... this is really strong writing and reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of yours about the turmoil of thoughts and needing to be left alone. i forget what it was called but this has the same feel to it-- a whirlwind. i also really love how you described your thoughts as dancers and villians and the imagery is amazing. and wow, paisley had a perfect summary of this piece. and hey, how are you? i miss talking to you. hope youa re good.
    <3<3<3


    3 months ago
  • rwong

    oh wow tuffy this is amazing. like really truly amazing. the stark contrast between the 2 definitions, the vivid imagery...i'm at a loss for words right now but seriously this is amazing and i really love it <3 <3 sending all my love, shelli


    3 months ago
  • løne wølf [semi-hiatus]

    wow!! i love the formatting of this piece, showing the positive and negative sides of the word. it's heart-wrenching to read how "daydreams", a seemingly innocent word, can be twisted into something so evil that taunts our minds. all the vivid descriptions, breath-catching word choice... you did an amazing job on this!! <3

    re: thank you so much for your kind words! :)


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    this, honestly, tore my heart into pieces. wow. i can relate only too much.... it's terrifying, when your mind twists even your fantasies to make them haunt you.

    love your work as always, wow <33


    3 months ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: Thank you so much! I sat down wanting to write a song that people could relate to and I drew from my personal experience with being stuck in my head and thinking of so many negative thoughts. And while not everyone has depression I think a lot of people can still relate to it. I appreciate your kind words so much! I am doing okay I think. Thank you so much :)

    This is amazing omg!! I love the way you gave it multiple definitions and described them so well. The way it leads up to the ending of not wanting the fantasies anymore is just beautiful and so relatable. Thank you for sharing it :)


    3 months ago
  • wallflower

    This is amazing! It is so beautiful and the idea of the constrasting sides is amazing. :)


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Oh my.... this is heartbreaking! The first one was gorgeous and peaceful, and the second was so intense and vivid!
    Re: awwwww, thank you so much, Tuffy! :) I hope you’re doing well! I’ll still be praying for you! :)


    3 months ago
  • ~wildflower~

    The way you’ve written this - with the two completely conflicting definitions - is so unique, and I absolutely love it. This was a pleasure to read!


    3 months ago
  • astrea

    re: i agree


    3 months ago
  • lucyyyy

    I love this a bit too much.. such a beautiful piece!


    3 months ago