McK13

United States

Hi :) 14 she/her

I love...

-Poetry, Memoirs, Stories (and all literature!)
-Labradoodles, Family & Friends
-Basketball & Volleyball
-Listening to music, watching TV, and sleeping

Message to Readers

Hi! Thank you so much for checking out my piece! First, I just want to explain this piece a little bit. So yesterday, I was taking a digital survey and they asked me to choose only one for the race/ethnicity category. I got kind of angry considering the fact that I'm biracial. Anyways, I ended up choosing the "Other" box so I wouldn't have to choose between Asian/Pacific Islander and White/Caucasian but then I realized that I had basically given up on both halves of me and acted as if I weren't proud to be biracial. So in this piece, 50/50, I had my phone/the survey kind of become the lady behind the desk. Anyways, I hope that makes some sense!

Give me any feedback -- all criticism is very welcome, appreciated, and super helpful to me! Have a fantastic day :)

50/50

February 23, 2021

FREE WRITING

7
My racial identity has been classified as 50/50. 
It's a pain to have to fill out paperwork that only allows me to check one box
that says "Race/Ethnicity (Choose only one)" at the top.
The lady at the desk says "You look more brown than white, pick the Asian one". 
I step back for a minute, trying not to explode,
but instead of correcting her,
I simply composed myself, ignoring her comment that I should have addressed.
I should have been enraged, but I am just a teenage girl,
and who would I be if I were to confront a woman, a stranger who offended my simple being?
Wait, what? 

I should have advocated for myself and my family, 
but I chose an alternative as I released a breath to stay calm and turned to look at the paper. 
"She is trying to convince you to choose your mother's heritage over your father's", I told myself, silently in my head, "Don't let her. You are a 50/50 combo of your two parents. So why should you have to choose one over the other just because you look more like your mother? You are equally both. There's no such thing as which one you are most". 
So I silently picked up the pen to cross out those mistaken words, "Choose only one" to then fill in both the "Asian/Pacific Islander" and "White/Caucasian" circles.
But before I could, there she stood over my shoulder about to roar like a lion, tearing up its prey.  
My identity, culture, simply my birth and upbringing were hers to strip apart as she used her knife-like words 
to slice through my confidence of being a creation of the combination of both my mother and father. 

"Oh my gosh, just choose 'Other' and please, leave my office", she ordered like I was a malleable object, a small piece of clay she could sculpt and mold 
The lady reacted faster than I did even though she was in the wrong, using very inaccurate and harsh statements 
I stared down at the paper once more, only looking directly at the one circle at the bottom; "Other" it read
"No, do not do this.
'Other' is for people who do not know who they are.
People who are not proud of who they are.
You are proud of yourself and you know what two halves make up the beautiful you", I told myself again. 
Gripping the sheet in my left hand, I wanted to crumble it up and throw it in the trash can.  
I don't need to fill out this stupid paper for whatever documents they need to keep of me so I can become their accessory.  
But then I grasped the black ballpoint pen and filled in the "Other" spot without a word to the woman who persuaded me to not choose between a half of me
but choose neither of me. 
 
Now I was a mystery.
My bloodstream without a history. 
Even though I only know the birthplace of my mother
And don't have any clue about half of my ancestry 
I still know some things.
But now, no one knows anything about my identity.
I gave up on both halves of me.
I'm labeled as "Other" without individuality.
Just a blip on the radar without a name, a face, a culture, a truth, a past, a future.
I wasn't even a victim to some false idea or broken method. 
No, I was nonexistent.
Sure, it was just a small microaggression when the lady behind the desk tried to convince me to choose one half of my identity, but it should never have happened. 

The woman won.
I lost.
The paper won.
I lost.
The system won.
I lost. 

 

Print

See History
1

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

13 Comments
  • JACOB HOUSTON

    Re: Again, thanks so much!


    1 day ago
  • JACOB HOUSTON

    Re: WOW! Thanks so much, I am so excited for you to hear this.


    1 day ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: Of course :) Let's just hope the future holds better things xx


    1 day ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: ahh thank you so much! It means a lot :))) xx


    1 day ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: You do too. You deserve so much better than what you're receiving and I hope at some point people realize how rude they're being and they realize the impact of their words.


    1 day ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: Thank you so much! I've been trying to make the endings of my songs less boring and have them be a more interesting form of closure, so I've been playing around with different things :) xx


    1 day ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: Awwww thank you so much!!! You're so sweet xx


    1 day ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: Aww, thank you. :3:3


    1 day ago
  • Syzygy (#words) (J.A.M)

    Re: Well, it's super well done! <3


    1 day ago
  • Lizzie R

    I'm so glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this kind of crap. I'm part Syrian and it makes things difficult. Stay strong and always advocate for yourself. You're so strong, you just have to believe it. I'm sending love and support your way :) xx


    1 day ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Stay strong girl, I and my sister are biological sisters, but we look nothing alike, and since we're adopted people always think we're lying ( I also got bullied for having brown skin and squinty eyes) Because I also have some Asian in me, but anyways them hater can FLUFF OFF. :3:3


    1 day ago
  • Syzygy (#words) (J.A.M)

    Always advocate for yourself! (Me saying this as if I do, but I struggle to advocate as well) That last part about winning and losing was so SAD


    2 days ago
  • bunnybeige

    dude. literally i'm furious

    WHO SAYS THAT TO ANOTHER PERSON LIKE, W H A T


    2 days ago