Peer Review by Abby11 (United States)

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A Child's Secret Hiding Place

By: Ava Marie


FREE WRITING

The dark space was her sanctuary, her very own cave of wonders. It was here that she came up with her best ideas, it was here that she could escape. The walls, close enough to touch on both sides if she reached out her arms, gave a sense of security. In front of her hung the navy-blue blanket she’d draped over the rack in the spare room closet. The only source of light was from the flashlight she’d hung from the ceiling. In here she was isolated from her family, it was probably the only place where the bickering of her younger siblings couldn’t be heard. Blanketed from the outside world, her thoughts came alive. They danced around the room in the dim light. And she would watch them, from the comfort of the soft, grey pillow she’d stollen from her bed. Suddenly, she could smell her mom cooking downstairs, citrus and pepper drifting up through the vents. They were having salmon that night, her favourite. The food smelt so good; she could almost taste it. Although she wasn’t hungry, she couldn’t wait for dinner.  


Message to Readers

I wrote this for my writing class, as a show paragraph. Thought I'd share it with you guys to see what you thought. Please review!


Peer Review

I love the way the beginning brings out a childlike side of the character. I think a lot of people could relate to her and share the same sense of security in their own blanket-forts.


I would like to hear more about the salmon. It says that it’s her favorite, but I would like to know why. Does it have some type of symbolism? Or does it remind her of something?


Reviewer Comments

I love how this piece flows. The sentences fit together so well and the words capture you when you’re reading. The only part I was slightly confused about was when you brought up the food. Everything before that had lots of description and depicts how it made her feel, but the ending felt kind of rushed in that aspect.