barelybear

United Kingdom

she/her, INFJ-A
musicals
fantasy/dystopian fiction
piano
life goal = becoming fluent in le français
☕️
est August 2020
community ambassador alum :D
They tell me I’m 16 but I’m sceptical
the squirrel is back!!

Message to Readers

What do you think about the formatting? Do you like that I’ve put in stage directions/descriptions or do you think it would work better as a simpler script?

The Great British Brew-Off - the intro

February 16, 2021

FREE WRITING

12
Harry V/O: Here in Tytherington, in the beautiful heart of the British rural-urban hinterlands, takes place the nation’s favourite annual celebration of talent. Perhaps one of the most important, and yet underestimated dishes in the British repertoire (which specialises in the original theft of culture from other nations) is the simple cuppa. Across this magnificent wasteland, our fine public are settling back into the dents in their sofas, ready to watch this year’s competitors battle it out in feeble attempts to achieve mastery of this mighty drink. But who will really have what it takes to be crowned the revered Britain’s Best Brewer? Welcome to The Great British Brew-Off.

[Title music - Blackbird by the Wurzles. (Iconic)]

Camera pans over drizzly field, with a big tent and Harry, the presenter, in the foreground and a worksite in the background. Zoom in on builder scratching his butt.

Harry: It’s an unusually sunny day in Tytherington as the brewers make their way into the tent. This year, Berry and Saul have set one of their hardest challenges yet. They have decided on an unprecedented free showstopper. The brewers can concoct any tea of their choice, as long as it truly astonishes the judges. 

Cut to inside the tent. The judges are sat on thrones in front of the brewers, who are lined up at their workstations. Through the window, we see Harry running round from the front of the tent to a doorway. He can’t open it, so tries runs offscreen. 

Berry: We probably shouldn’t start without Harry...

Saul: Lazy tosser

There is a ripping sound, and Harry enters. He and Berry grin at each other while Saul scowls. 

Berry: Right! Welcome, contestants! We’ve brought the six of you here because you have proven yourselves to be some of Britain’s best amateur team-makers. In just a couple of hours, one of you will go home with a big shiny trophy! 

Saul: But first, we offer the mother of all tea challenges. Be warned, this will stress you, change you, and, if you are weak enough to let it, crush you. We will weed out the bad tea leaves.

Jenny (contestant 6) runs out of the tent, crying. 

Saul: Weakling! Weakling! We—

Berry: Saul! (beat) Right, let’s see these showstopper teas. You have one hour. On your marks, get set, brew!

Saul: Brew! I said it first. Hah!

Harry: I’m sure my contract says I’m supposed to do that.
Did we go back to our niche of mocking Britain in some form of satire?
Did we then get way too excited about it and completely forget about the murder mystery series we were supposed to be doing?

BUT IVE PLANNED THIS OUT AND ITS GONNA BE AWESOMEEEJEJEMMEME

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  • February 16, 2021 - 5:52am (Now Viewing)

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41 Comments
  • Nyla

    HAHA I love this!! "which specializes in the original theft of culture from other nations" LOLL and the buttcrack thing LOLL! I could totally imagine everything happening! I love how you have the dialogue and setting the scene! This was really fun to read!
    RE: Awww omg yes he so is and aww thank you! Hahaha, you’ll find one even better cause you got the accent!!! XD
    Ohhhh cool, I thought it may have and oooh that’s so interesting! Did you win or place or have they even come out with the judging yet? Regardless, I know you’ll have done/will do amazing!! And haha awww, I used to think so too until I read that they vomit in their hands so when they land on you, it’s with really gross hands!!


    6 months ago
  • A. Penderwick

    Re: Haha, it seemed like kinda a big deal, but I've only been here for a few months, so I wasn't sure what the proper reaction was. Congrats again though!


    7 months ago
  • A. Penderwick

    This is great! I really like the stage directions, because I think it gives it a little more depth(I don't know if that's the right word to use). It just makes it more interesting to read. Also, congrats on becoming a CA!


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Tysm! Lmao I was trying to keep them super posh, so it would be more of a surprise when they're american. (except you're glad it's not real because of retire and not the 20 metre megalodon?) Lol British accents are relatively easy, but I think Australian is pretty hard. And I'll be sure to notify you!


    7 months ago
  • Sophiascb

    re: lol I posted the next part to the story if you'd like to read it.


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: Hahaha, that's funny!!! My dad and my brother like to sing and it's like EWWWWW stahp, but my singing is WAY worse!


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Yep twas a good breakfast. All right, I look forward to it! Ach who needs sleep anyway?


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: i'm not gonna pretend i haven't done that before, XD. i didn't have my camera on so i didn't have to pretend to move my mouth....but desperate times call for desperate measures. (wasn't my fault my brother was talking to me about his roblox game or something during my lesson XD) ironic that you mentioned your sister walking in, because about a second after i remuted my brother goes, "are you still in class?" a moment later and they would've heard him...that would've been bad haha. i guess great minds think alike ;)...jkjk, ur the true mastermind here.
    oh okay! gn lol


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Aw ty :D And no problem, I mean it! You're a very talented writer ^^ Awesome! Oh funnnnn i hate maths :< LOL I should probably go eat brekky too :P


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: yeah XD, not to mention the fact that she had an aptitude to blurting out phrases like, "you have no life skills," or, "you're booksmart but you need to learn how to deal with things with common sense," or even, "how are you so immature?"
    lovely, isn't it? ;) oh and yes, 1 a.m. is bad, but try 3 a.m.
    this was last sunday/the early hours of last monday btw haha. why, you my ask? i basically forgot about my homework, which was pretty concerning because i've never just plainly forgotten. luckily my insomniac self was still up by then so after the realization painfully dawned on me *cue dramatic music*, i had to go and get my computer...and well, do my hw at 3 a.m. pretty brutal lol.
    we did have some labs at my school, tho they were probably a lot more basic than the ones u did because of middle school, but i still liked them.
    lol nooo not the cat XDDD. once we got my sixth grade science teacher to talk about her favorite brand of soda for a while...don't ask hehe


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! That is WAYYY FUNNNY! But lol, I get what you mean and YAY KINDRED SPIRITS and ugh this is turning out to be just one long sentence and is it bother you that I keep on commenting on your pieces, would you like me to stop, I'm kinda a talker sorry, if you wanna run away right now, I strongly suggest it before I make your ears bleed...


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ahahah yeah. i have a bad habit of ignoring extra credit work solely because i have bigger priorities, ahem, that one project you've had two months to work on and is currently due the next day...procrastination at it's finest ;)
    i'm really trying to work on that but idk if it's happening anytime soon lol. thing is, my homework always gets done, but sometimes it's pretty unconventional...like at one a.m. the night before (actually morning of), because i convinced myself i'd do it tOmOrRoW every day before that and it would lead me there. haha i like most of my teachers this year but if it were last year, your physics teacher would've been the equivalent of my finance teacher...she disliked me not three months into the school year. hint, same one i was telling u about earlier hehe.
    XDD the field trips sound like fun, sadly we don't have labs like that because i'm not in biology yet and my physics teacher is the kinda person that goes-
    "Alright guys, since you're my last class of the day I've gotten tired of presenting the material, so just look at a recording. Your homework is due tomorrow, it's posted in google classroom, and you can leave the meet now."
    yup. our google meets don't last longer than ten minutes most of the time..so forget about labs or cool experiments lol


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: Omg, ha, I didn't even do anything tho. But GO YOU, aren't reviews just so fun to write? XD
    And PUH-LEASE tell me if you're a kindred spirit cause I'm getting the FEELS. ARE YOU??? XD


    7 months ago
  • mindfruit (semi-active)

    BARELYBEAR! sorry lol, here's just a belated congratulations for becoming a CA! hope you enjoy your term :)


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: *gasp* Y-you-WHAT?! THAT IS THE MOST EVILLY GENIUS THING YOU COULD EVER DOOOOO! W O W! How can you possibly be so GENIUS?! XDDDD


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: lolll not the "But remember to find the time to relax!”...uhm, that's nice and all but the reason we won't be relaxing is because of your assignments XD. and like, why do they seem to want to give so much extra work on breaks? this year it's a bit better because my teachers say that "online school must be a lot of pressure on you and you need to relax," which is very reasonable, but *cough, cough* last yr was not the same. it was more of "even when you're not at school you need to maintain academic responsibility and blah, blah *insert five minute lecture*...so you'll all be getting packets over the break and a test the day you come back!!"
    also, WHY THE ENTHUSIAM?? they always sound so happy about it...do they find this fun or something? oh and the "optional stuff". *shudders* those "eXtRa cReDiT" assignments bring back bad memories XD. in seventh grade one of my teachers assigned a bunch of extra credit during winter break, but decided it'd be nice if she changed it to real graded assignments a couple days before we returned...with no warning except an email. except i didn't check my school email...u can probably guess how that one turned out haha. apparently most of the class saw it and i was just "irresponsible". that teacher disliked me ever since i went on this school trip with my friend and she was chaperoning tho...hehe. anyway, sorry for returning ur rant with another much bigger rant lol.
    hope you're having an amazing day too! :D


    7 months ago
  • Sophiascb

    re: thank you so much for the peer review of my work! It means a lot. Just wanted to say that I do plan to develop it into a longer piece and that I've posted the first bit on my profile. Thank you again!


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: SHHHHHH! LET NO ONE ELSE KNOWWW! It's super secret! XD


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: oh yeah the name is kind of interesting but cool too ig lol. it's hard to get to nationals tho...especially when you factor in the kids who have been doing this since elementary and are invested to the point where they go over to each other's houses for hours to study XD (during normal times). i'm mostly doing it for fun, furthest i've gotten is states but maybe i'll try harder when i do it in highschool. and haha ikrr, tHeY'rE eVeRyWhErE. like, during midterms week we had 4 midterms which are over two hours long throughout the week and on top of that my math teacher decided it'd be nIcE to give us a semester test for both of my math classes...oh and not to mention that my science teacher decided it'd be fun if we got a 60 question packet, still the same week...joy :D


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: OMG, nobody has ever asked you to be THE EVIL VILLAIN? SHAMEEEE. You are such an evil genius! How could they not see that? XD I'd love to be your minion, and of course Floofy Kitten would be happy to participate in any taking-over-the-world schemes. Just be sure not to interrupt Floofy Kitten's nap time or else, he will be maddddd. XDDDD


    7 months ago
  • Parisienne

    re: IK what you mean about primary school being the place to be - I miss when crayons were the only daily struggle in my life! Thank you for your comment and I'm glad you liked it baby sis <3.


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: *unsheathes sword* I hereby knight you as Knight of GENIUS! Yes, that is SO GENIUS; 25 words!!! Ahahhahha. Smh, some people are too smart for their own good. You know, I've been looking for an evil villain to be a sidekick to, and you seem just evil genius enough...mwahahhaha. Whaddya say? XD


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: i had sO mUcH fUn...i actually like math a lot, it's one of my favorite subjects but whoever thought 7:30 am was a good time to start an hour and a half long class is...just, no XD. and yeah, if you want to see exactly what i mean you'd probably find it if you searched up agloa.org on the internet...it'll probably come up on any browser but for sure if u have google


    7 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Re: Saw ur comments on coolgirl's piece, i think its fine to go to the 25 words one rn mindfruit did the same thing when he was lazy... *Realizes he probably couldve not said that* XD


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Replying: I KNOW, RIGHT???? It's a LOT of reviews, but you know what? I love doing them, so it actually is a GIFT for me. And YES, I TOTALLY GET IT. It's a little awkward just to jump in and be like, "ey, give me smth to review." That's why I ask for links and all that, you know?
    LOL, I'm not really planning on writing anytime soon, but I'll let you know if I change my mind. It is your job, though...so maybe just like scroll and randomly click one? Idk, lol, just pick one of the short ones. ^-^ Thanks for the offer!


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: i actually have to go to my math class in like a minute XD...but yep!! it's definitely fun, tho the competitions have gotten really hard recently. i've never played cricket nor rounders, but cool! and for the instrument i think i might give it a try next year!!


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Also, congrats on 100! That's awesome! And congrats on becoming a CA <3


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: What do you mean woah? Ofc I love it! Tysm! Aaaah tres bien! J'adore les chats!


    7 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    (haha I love musicals too! And I play piano/sing, and I'm learning French! Comment allez-vous?) Oh my gosh this is hilarious, I love it sm. Will there be more chapters? If so, can I be updated?


    7 months ago
  • nopenopenope

    ngl I WHEEZED when i read this.


    7 months ago
  • Starting Anew! (still Coolgirl though)

    Hi, how are you?
    I'd love to review three or more of your pieces. Will you let me know which ones you'd like reviewed? Thanks! <3


    7 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    YES OMG I LOVE BAKE OFF

    Re: ooohhhkay this is SUPER late, sorry bout that. My area is getting hit by some major snowstorms rn an the power keeps going out.
    hmmm.... you mayyyy be correct about my secret identity.... i'm sure my username is a pretty big clue XD


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    oh wow i didn't realize how long that was lol


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: thank you!! and yeah haha, we have those kind of things, although in middle school sports and activities are toned down a lot and less competitive so no football or marching bands yet.
    for cheerleading, nope lol, the only sports i play are soccer and track...i also like tennis but just started so i'm not that good at it. and oh i LOVE skiing, but sadly florida is the land of nonexistent snow and hills and everything you need to ski so welp, i've only gone once
    hehe...my go to outfit since march has been leggings/sweatpants and a t-shirt on weekdays (tbh, it's been pajamas more than once but for that you have my 7:30 am math class to blame lol) and then sporty stuff on the weekends. my style is basically whatever's comfortable despite my mom's protests.
    also, that's really cool! sadly, i'm not very musically inclined, like i love to listen to music...but i have absolutely no singing talent and have never tried playing an instrument lol. maybe i will in highschool though!
    the clubs i'm most involved in are agloa and deca...the first is a club for like strategic games? ig lol, idk what to call them...the different sections are equations, linguistics, propaganda, and social studies. the second is a program that goes along with my finance academy. i'm super glad i get to do that...since i'm thinking of pursuing a career in business (maybe) although i still have high school and it might change.
    that's pretty much all i do for extracurriculars...not much but my schedule's already overloaded XD. it'd honestly be really interesting to spend a day in school in the UK to see the difference


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: yup! so basically, we have pre-k (which stands for pre-kindergarten and is ages 4-5), elementary (kindergarten through fifth grade and ages 5-11, although it includes sixth in some places), middle school (grades 6-8 and ages 11-14), high school (grades 9-12 and ages 14-18), and then college, which typically starts when you're 18, although sometimes it can be earlier...depending on if you choose to graduate hs early or have a birthday that just passes the criteria to be in the grade you're in. and that's cool! next year i'll be switching schools because of hs, and we had to apply to the choice programs we wanted. getting into a choice program is the only way you can go to a highschool other than the one you're zoned for (in my county at least because of capacity), which is typically pretty easy but most people's first choice is what they really want to get into. it's a lottery and although i'll probably get into one of the two we're allowed to apply for, my first choice gets a lot of applicants so it's pretty unpredictable. i'll find out in march so i'm pretty nervous lol


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ty! and yeah, like when i was 10 i had a friend who's brother was a freshman in hs and i remember thinking he was just so old XD. now i'm entering high school next school year ahhh. even now, 18 is so foreign, i can't imagine myself being 18...but it'll happen and then i'll probably remember how i felt about that too. but like you said, that'll happen when it happens and for now we just have to live in the moment. easier said than done, but i try haha


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: thank you!! i'm not sure whether i'm excited to turn 14 or not...i feel like I turned 13 only a couple months ago, lol time flies but i'm still looking forward to it! and yeah, for sure. you'll do great tho :) (about being a CA)...and np!


    7 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    omggggggggg yessssss
    "Berry and Saul"
    THIS IS TOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD XD


    7 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: thank you so much!! as for applying, thanks haha, but i don't think i will. i have a while on here so i definitely will sometime, but not in may i think...for now i'm happy with writing and posting whenever and not having responsibility XD, tho that might change in a couple months so u never know ig
    also, this is gold hehe...like parisienne i cannot express how much i love it ;)


    7 months ago
  • Parisienne

    Can't abide a posh British accent, its sgone not scooooone ahah :D


    7 months ago
  • Parisienne

    I can't even describe how much I love this. Satirising Britain at its best. I approve *sips tea* :D
    re: *massive grin right back at you* xo


    7 months ago