Peer Review by Ellington Stone (United States)

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dungeon

By: nolongeractive


FREE WRITING

Lost for you
It’s not true
Brighten the dark
Rain in the park
Do not disrespect your heart
Hearing what it needs, ignoring all its pleas
My feelings mean nothing
Life in a dungeon
Locked away in the dark
Can you let me go?
Can you let it go?

Is it wrong to show?
Can I freely grow?
Burned in the night 
Tortured by fright
Can you let me go?
Can you let it go?
Hidden in despair
I want you all to know?
Doomed in the dungeon
Alone
Like home

Am I worth nothing?
Because I’m hiding something?
Locked away in the dark
Can you let me go?
Can you let it go?
Is it wrong to show?
Can I freely grow?
Burned in the night 
Tortured by fright
Can you let me go?
Can you let it go?

Hidden in despair
I want you all to know?
Doomed in the dungeon
I need to know if the village will love me
‘Cause if they don’t, nobody will set me free
I needed to go 'cause I needed to know you don't need me
You reap what you saw, but it seems like you don't even see me
You say it to me like something I have any choice in
If I wasn't important, then why would you waste all your poison?


Message to Readers

Hey, guys! I hope you love this new song!


Peer Review

The vibe it gave off was super chaotic but also tranquil. There are parts where I imagined the song (if it's a song) speeding up and parts where I imagined it slowing down. I also liked the overall metaphor, I think it was worked in really well and seemed like good fit. I also loved how you added in a bunch of questions. I think this definitely added a layer of meaning to the story. It shows that the narrator is confused and going through something difficult. We don't have to know what that is to feel bad for them.


The only thing I can think is word-choice. There were parts that were somewhat vague, even though I kind of liked that. It just seems inconsistent. For example: "Do not disrespect your heart Hearing what it needs, ignoring all its pleas" This part is straightforward. "Burned in the night Tortured by fright" This part isn't as straightforward. I love every line, and I understand them all, but just an FYI. Other than that, it's really good!!


Reviewer Comments

This truly is incredible, well done!! You are SUPER talented, and I can't wait to hear these to music!! :)