Anne Blackwood

United States

16
Christian
Theatre kid
Singer (soprano)
Poet
Twin (fraternal)
Spoonie
Disfusive
Highly Sensitive Person
Living oxymoron
Kindness Krusader: Blueberry cotton candy
XXFJ, Melancholic-Sanguine, ambivert

Joined 1/16/20

Message to Readers

I edited the chorus and verse 1.5 a bit, added a second half to verse 2, added a two-part final chorus, wrote a bridge, and removed the original bridge-thing I had.
Should I change the chorus back to the first version?
What do you guys think of the two-part chorus at the end?
I'm not entirely satisfied with the bridge. Do you guys think it should go in a different direction (and which one)?
And finally, should I keep the segment labels (verse 1, bridge, etc) in or delete them?

Tell That

February 12, 2021


[Verse 1]

He wants to buy me shoes and a diamond ring
There's heart beat-beating through everything
I know that I should break this link
But I can't convince myself...

He is dangerous and so far gone
Wants to fly off-limits 'til we forget the dawn
We are writing a deadly song
Don't think this is ending well...

[Chorus]

But tell that to my heart
And my dancing feet
Tell that to the sparks
The way he looks at me

Oh tell that to me
Could you tell that to me

[Verse 2]

I feel fireworks like warning shots
And fill my eyes with forget-me-nots
My safety net is getting caught
I should say I hate his stare...

Driving off the Earth, sun in our minds
Leaving flames in our wake 'cause we're love blind
Tasting youth in the pain we find
This is a treacherous affair...

[Chorus]

But tell that to my heart
And my dancing feet
Tell that to the sparks
The way he looks at me

Oh tell that to me
Could you tell that to me

[Bridge]

Catch a comet
Let it fly
Stand upon it
Tell the world goodbye

Take me dancing
On the moon
Don't speak of landing
We can't be doomed

[Chorus, quieter and distorted with reverb]

Tell that to my heart
And my dancing feet
Tell that to the sparks
The way I feel so complete

[Chorus, normal]

Tell that to my heart
And my dancing feet
Tell that to the sparks
The way he looks at me

Oh tell that to me
Could you tell that to me

Don't tell that--
I had no plans to write anything for this competition. Ever since I embraced poetry as the form of expression that works best for me, I haven't been inspired to write a full song (just the occasional little voice memo). But this song was tickling my mind for hours before I finally got it out.

Note: I do not recommend ignoring red flags or incompatibility just because you really like someone. This is just a fun song.

*See message board in the first draft for personal background.*

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23 Comments
  • happy butterfly

    replying: ahhhhhh im so excited,i really hope it happens.cause then i could talk to you more about my life,since im scared to share too much on the internet.
    i treasure our friendship.even if we dont meet,whish is very sad and i try not to look at it that way,im still going to treasure this friendship forever


    3 months ago
  • McK13

    Wow!! This is so wonderful, honest, and lovely :) absolutely love these beautiful lyrics!


    3 months ago
  • GraceWritesTheWorld

    Re: Thanks your da best! <33


    3 months ago
  • ~wildflower~

    This is great!
    Re: thanks for your feedback! I’ll work on that...


    3 months ago
  • chocomangop1

    great vocabulary and usage of words


    3 months ago
  • abi's pov

    first, this is really good! ooh, everytime i read your work i can js see the talent, thought, and effort you put into it, and that is beautiful! the bridge is super cool. good luck [not that you'll need it ;)]!

    second; re: thank you for your comment! ik i haven't interacted w/ you as much as we used to, but that comment rlly helped me; i didn't realise how much i needed to take a deep breath until you reminded me, but i felt a lot better about a lot of things after i did, so thank you; you made my day a lot better. anyway, i'm getting too sappy now lol. uh, yea, ty :) you and your writing is absolutely phenomenal.


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: <3
    Ooh, it sounds really good! Thanks so much for the recommendation! I’ll have to check it out! :)


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: oh, wow! Yeah, I’ll definitely pray for him (and you too)!


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: aw, well, good luck figuring everything out! :) And he sounds like a nice guy, so I hope you can continue your friendship in a positive way! :)


    3 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    this is so incredible!


    3 months ago
  • that one rat from ratatouille

    ANNE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! <333


    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    THIS LINE "I feel fireworks like warning shots
    And fill my eyes with forget-me-nots"
    this expresses such a powerful feeling with eloquence and raw emotion


    3 months ago
  • remi'sgotinkstains

    re: thank you! it means a lot to me. really. thank you.


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: thank you! And awesome, you did a great job with this song!! I really like the headers: they add nice clarification! I love this version the most (tho the Tag in the second draft is really cool too)! And congrats about convincing MB to come to the Zoom too! Hope he enjoys it!


    3 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    i absolutely love the second part of verse 2!!!!
    for the first part of verse 2
    "My safety net is getting caught
    I should say I hate his stare..." i really like the second line,i do think you could make this better though,maybe adding another line between the 2 or after or changibg the first line?
    i really like the bridge although,from more of a songwriters point of view,the bridge has a lot more potential.stars,comets and the moon are a used commonly in art (i myself guilty) sometimes its nice to have something different so its not repetitive. i hope that made sense
    sorry if this was a bit too harsh,i just want to help! also this is just my opinion,the song is already great<3


    3 months ago
  • books4life

    oh my goodness this is so good! LOVE IT :)


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: 1) idk if i saw the old version, so i'm not sure i could tell you which i like better...
    2) the chorus at the end is wonderful. love love love it :)
    3) personally, i really liked the bridge, but i'm sure it would be lovely however you write it :)
    4) i like them labeled, but that's just a personal preference. you could go either way!

    hope that's helpful :)) all my love!!! <33


    3 months ago
  • Parisienne

    Ooooh this is so good! :)


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    okay this is SO GOOD

    oh wow this is a winner, anne

    :() SO GOOD *eyes bug out of head*


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    And I think you should keep all the verses in this song! It’s so beautiful!


    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: Aw, thanks! :) And I’m so sorry you weren’t feeling well! I hope today is better for you!
    I’ve been selling Girl Scout cookies, for one thing. And attempting songwriting. Speaking of, this song is gorgeous! I love songwriting, but it’s really hard, and you did an amazing job here! I love all the gorgeous imagery!
    What’ve you been doing recently?


    3 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Yea I totally agree with SunV, you should keep it. I love this!! Haha I was actually singing this when i read it!


    3 months ago
  • SunV

    This is beautiful! And I love the two part chorus, keep it!


    3 months ago