Tushar Mandhan


'illegitimi non carborundum'

Message from Writer

I'm letting life hit me until it gets tired, the I'm gonna hit back. It's a classic rope-a-dope.
-La La Land


February 8, 2021



turn the taps off, the sink is flowing overly,
the dirty dishes inviting parasites to feed upon me.
tear the paper lockers, you hid under table
to find souvenirs from grandma’s fables.
wiped the slate clean, but you still own yearbook;
you read it alone annually.
packed uniform in coffer, but you stitched a button
on hankie like crown jewelry.
memories are pandora's box
you can't open without getting a scuff.
memories are schrodinger’s mate
if you touch, they fade away.
echo in head before you sleep,
get you rolling in your deepest fears,
ask to meet in darkest alleys.

your school’s name sash around your trunk,
spent a month on stage practicing, but it wasn’t enough
‘cause in field, philosophy battles spontaneity.
the day you walked in school, you did a fealty.
just like a little kid looking for someone to tie a knot,
waiting for mother, she came after performance was done.
packed your books taped in a cardboard box
you mention them in your talks.
memories fall like drops of rain
on windows of moving trains.
memories rise like sun
just to dusk when time comes.
stop you like traffic lights,
crave you in the midnight,
inspire to sit and write.

it’s like a folder in my laptop that i haven’t opened in years
but when do, i laugh at my old self.
days pass by; calendars change, memories are all i inhere
from my past mistakes.
where we once walked, someday someone would follow
we’d reunite at old homes to return what we once borrowed.
i haven’t met future, though i believe it’s enchanted
by our dreams and hopes.
there’re ghosts on my shoulders in spotlight,
and they’d only leave when i take charge of my stage.

did i make these memories or did they make me?
are they satellites around me or do i stay stationary?


See History
  • February 8, 2021 - 4:58am (Now Viewing)

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  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Re: tush thank you so very much. I really appreciate it. Yes why do we all always ignore our mental health. It is okay to not always have it together.

    2 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    re to comment on "the heart i'm breaking is my own": i haven't seen all the long pond studio sessions sadly :( but i wish i could have seen that!
    ahhh april 9th will not come soon enough! the 6 new songs... i'm sooooo excited! and the new album cover is a perfect nod to the original style while being totally modern and fresh and aesthetic
    ALL. TOO. WELL. please. please. and yes love story is even more romantic now

    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    Hey, here’s the song “A Beautiful Ache” with ukulele! I also just published it.
    Also I still get chills of joy reading your work and also I got one of my highly intellectual friends to read The Elegance of the Hedgehog and she LOVED it. She finished it in a day and a half, which impressed me since it’s not a light read.

    3 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    How are you tush?

    3 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Tush I had an idea. Give me a topic to write on :) I want to let some of my huge supporters do that. And see what happens

    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So good!!!!!!!!!!!

    3 months ago
  • happygiggles

    This is stunning in every single possible way. "memories rise like sun" beautiful. (:

    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you! No I didn't write the whole piece when I woke up; I just woke up with the first line "Where eagles fall" in my head.

    3 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Re- I'm planning to publish it by the end of the year (If I have everything set and perfect ) but your comment really gave me hope that it might really happen! Thank you so so so much! Sending lots of love<3

    3 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    This is beautiful. I am in love with your work Tush. I am so glad you and I have become friends on this wonderful site. Keep writing the world needs to experience you. Also I love how you ended with a question because it makes the reader's mind spiral into thought... very clever.

    3 months ago
  • Lata.B

    This is just so beautiful! Ok and the questions at the end just made my jaw drop. You have literally made such a gorgeous piece here. WOW.
    Re- Omg ok um THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS! They mean so much! Gosh, I have 21 notifications when I checked and half of them were you. I almost cried! You are so sweet!

    3 months ago
  • Jasmine khawar

    I don't know what to say. It reminds me of many things, it made me feel SOMETHING that I cannot describe. This was amazing!

    3 months ago
  • Ree Sethu

    this piece is just awesome! wow!

    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    WHOA. I WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE THAT FLIPPED MY MIND OVER, but i'm in english class. this is so... good. i need a better word. but the delicate stories you weave, the subtle rhymes, the ending, the concepts, the diction, the flow, EVERYtHING.

    3 months ago
  • Parisienne

    This is stunning. I agree with zirong, the flow and rhymes are so beautiful. You are a really talented writer! :)

    3 months ago
  • Zirong

    "memories are pandora's box/you can't open without getting a scuff./memories are schrodinger’s mate/if you touch, they fade away."

    "stop you like traffic lights,/crave you in the midnight,/inspire to sit and write."

    wow this piece flows so well. I love the rhymes, too!

    3 months ago
  • Tayyaba

    ""did i make these memories or did they make me?
    are they satellites around me or do i stay stationary?""" MAAAN YOU NAILED IT <3<3<3

    3 months ago