Peer Review by Amber Lightning (United States)

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the sacrifice

By: alwayswriting

PROMPT: 25 Words

"Hide!", he screams at me.
After I close the door I hear a loud bang
and I feel something inside me die.

He was gone.

Peer Review

My favorite line is the second to last one, because it shows the narrator the person who just died have a strong connection, and makes the reader want to know how much he meant to them, and what this means for them now.

Like I said above, the third line indicates they had a bond, suggesting their relationship is deep and the narrator feels like they just lost one of them.

Reviewer Comments

The title in all lowercase adds a nice touch, you could consider making the last line all lowercase too.
Also maybe put the onomatopoeia italicized, but I like that it's in bold and the way it stands out in contrast to the rest of the paragraph. Same goes for the last line.
Awesome job overall, I love the intensity of this short paragraph, and it leaves the reader (at least for me) with images and questions.