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Message to Readers
Just putting this back out here, I think it's easy for things to get lost with all these awesome submissions coming in!
My impression overall of the song is that it's about a friend who struggles with their mental health. Super powerful and impactful lyrics - I'm in awe of this song!
There are a lot of beautiful lines in this. In particular, I love the descriptions surrounding the phone from the first verse -- "I can't let go cause I'm scared if she falls I'll be the first one the ambulance calls" is very powerful and beautifully describes painful feelings.
I honestly think this is great as it is. If you wanted to do a little more, I would rework a few of the cliched lines like "when the world tumbled down" -- it's okay to use cliches but it can be even more impactful to take the same idea and try to tell it in 100% your own words.
Such a beautiful idea and execution. I love the book 'Looking for Alaska' so I very much appreciate the reference to that in the chorus. You're incredibly talented!
Thank you so much by the way for your review of my work <3