useless :)

United States

hi!
idrk what i'm doing but
she/her
14 :)
pisces
est 1/22/21

Message to Readers

any feedback at all would be appreciated! :)

when i look back (1st draft)

February 2, 2021

[VERSE 1]
when i open my book of fractured memories
i can't see the joy of what we used to be
i don't get how i could have ever
loved you but i'll always remember
the way you laughed, and when you'd say
that it'd always be this way
you'd hold me tight, it got me so blind, but
you let go, and then i was falling through

[PRE-CHORUS]
the clutches of despair,
'cause you never truly cared, did you?
no you were never really there, it's true

[CHORUS]
and i don't know if this is something i'll regret
but what you did is something that i can't forget
so many words were left unspoken
it's for the best though, they were broken
and when i look back at it now
i don't know why, i don't know how

[POST-CHORUS]
i felt the way i did,
and i find i can't forgive
all the chances that i gave you
only so i could just be used

[VERSE 2]
although we were both in our prime
you can only ask so many times
for a twenty-seventh second chance
'cause when i care to take a glance
can you tell me why it is i only see
pages full of dumb mistakes and broken pleas
you never really listened, did you?
you let go, and then i was falling through

[PRE-CHORUS]
the clutches of despair,
'cause you never truly cared, did you?
no you were never really there, it's true

[CHORUS]
and i don't know if this is something i'll regret
but what you did is something that i can't forget
so many words were left unspoken
it's for the best though, they were broken
and when i look back at it now
i don't know why, i don't know how

[POST-CHORUS]
i felt the way i did,
and i find i can't forgive
all the chances that i gave you
only so i could just be used

[BRIDGE]
you should know that i am fine, but
we ran and tripped too many times
and you should know that i am through, 
'cause this time i won't stumble into, ooh

[PRE-CHORUS]
the clutches of despair,
'cause you never truly cared, did you?
no you were never really there, it's true

[CHORUS]
and i don't know if this is something i'll regret
but what you did is something that i can't forget
so many words were left unspoken
it's for the best though, they were broken
and when i look back at it now
i don't know why, i don't know how

[POST-CHORUS]
i felt the way i did,
and i find i can't forgive
all the chances that i gave you
only so i could just be used

[OUTRO]
i have one last question for you
please don't lie, i'll only see through
tell me why you had to let go
was i just a pawn in your show, ooh
Welp. I honestly don't know what to say. I cringed a lot while writing this...lol
This was my first time writing a song, so uhm yeah. It's pretty evident I don't have much songwriting knowledge, I didn't even know what a bridge was before this XD. Also, this song is supposed to be about love and whatnot, except I don't know the first thing about love...I think that showed ;) Also, this was a first draft so I'd really appreciate feedback. I'll try to do a review on a piece of yours if you do one on mine!! Even if you can't do a review, if you could write some feedback in a comment I'd really appreciate it. This was completely out of my comfort zone and I'd like to see everything I could improve on!! (Also, tysm to hold on to the memories and anonymous_123 for name suggestions, i think i like this one :))

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18 Comments
  • Nyla

    No way is this the first song you've ever written! I can sooo vividly imagine singing it- the rhyming and rhythm is just incredible and the whole story flows really well. Verse 1 really introduces the concept really well and "fractured memories" was so powerful. The last line really just brings it home. "and when i look back at it now/i don't know why, i don't know how" was one of my favourites because I could just soooo hear someone singing it in a slightly faster voice than the rest of the song. Anyways, I just absolutely love this and you definitely have to write another song!
    RE: Awwww thank you so so much!
    HAHA, thank youu, I’m getting better hehe :) But at the same time, all my titles just use words from inside the poem cause I’m that lazy LOL
    Of course!
    And aww thank you! I actually did, it’s called “Mist of Life” :)
    HAHA honestly that exact situation has happened way too many times to count lol- but haha glad I’m not the only one!
    Oooh that is weird but awesome that you were super energetic after! I was soo knocked out this morning- I had just got my new Invisalign trays in (I have to put them in at night because they can’t be taken out for like 13 hours when they’re new) so they’re putting a ton of pressure on my teeth and I just slept and slept and slept loll
    Oooh ok that’s awesome its’ normal! I thought it might be my subconscious saying something lol. LOL ooh that’s nice it was so normal though (hopefully you found out what it means or maybe it didn’t mean anything duh duh duhhhh?)- I don’t understand how people have such pleasant dreams. Mine are either nightmares, really weird, or I don’t remember! Lol I think the night just hates me haha
    Oh my yeah that is really weird, and scary yikes
    Hahah no it was interesting! Dreams are interesting in general lol
    Hahah that’s awesome! Ooh how cool, I didn’t even know what Starbucks was until I was like 11 (granted I do live in Canada and there just isn’t one around me lol) but I always got my hot chocolates from Tim Horton’s (the most Canadian shop ever!)
    Thank youuu!
    Have a fantastic [insert time here] as well! :D
    Also ooh here’s a would you rather: would you rather go without your vision or your hearing?


    5 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    It is wayyy better than my songs!


    5 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    This piece is just so out of this world, I cannot even get over it!! I love your views and I cannot wait to read your new work!


    5 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    This is so so so good. You are a natural at song writing. Please don't cringe at this because it is wonderful friend. I will be reading more of your work.


    8 months ago
  • jubileesong42

    Hey! This is awesome for a first song. I'm writing a review, just a second.


    8 months ago
  • remi'sgotinkstains

    this sounds like a song . . . well done!


    8 months ago
  • remi'sgotinkstains

    oh your doing the songwriting competition! I love this!
    re: yeah, I was reading back through to proofread and things and I noticed that line, and I was like, "hey you actually do have writer friends now," but it was what I'd written in the moment so I just went with it . . . of course I consider you a writer friend! Thank you for being my writer friend!! ;)


    8 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Re: Thanks! Yeah, I thought about that but I'll take your advice about that tomorrow when I must be forced to face in person school again :P


    8 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: no prob! and thx so much, indeed you are a milestone follower ;)


    8 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Ok, no problem! I think you'd sound fineee!


    8 months ago
  • beth r.

    oooh i really ike the message behind this! this is AMAZING for a first song!!
    re: omg that sounds hard- i would never let anyone I'm related to touch my hair lol


    8 months ago
  • doodleninja

    i loved the topic of these lyrics! you weave in the theme super well and tell a story throughout. the phrase of "for a twenty-seventh second chance" really stood out to me. wonderful job! :)


    8 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: XD Thank you so much! Ahh, you're so kind! <3


    8 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Thank you so much! No prob :D Hmmm it's totally your call, since you know what you want it to sound like and I don't, but personally, reading it as a poem, I think what you have now actually flows quite nicely. I'm not sure what it sounds like as a song, but from what I can see, I like the line as is :D


    8 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: Aww thank you! You are so sweet, I have to disagree with you about my singing voice though lol. XD


    8 months ago
  • only_a_mirage (bird)

    re: thank you! yeah idk what it is with the anti maskers, especially the ones who say they have a health violation...if you have a health problem during COVID DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE lol


    8 months ago
  • Lata.B

    I'm in love with the chorus, It's my favorite part but not to devalue the rest of this song. I love every line of this!


    8 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Yey :P This is amazing! I love "for a twenty-seventh second chance", that's a genius line! I'm really impressed especially cause this is your first song!


    8 months ago