Peer Review by Shivona (United Kingdom)

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Him

By: Charlotte_m


So I start up conversations,
But they just die away,
And everytime that this happens,
my confidence breaks,

But the tarot cards say,
That we'll end up just fine,
Yet I still seem to think,
She's the one on your mind,

And I wonder should I just give up,
On what we've made the past few months,
Should I turn away,
Forget about the mess we've made
or would you take my hand ,
And help me through my darkest days,
Cause I sit at home wondering,
If you feel the same

When I think about us,
i can't help but smile,
all these memories we've got,
Where you'd act like a child,

Yet I can still hear,
This discouraging voice,
it's making me question,
would I be your first choice.


Message to Readers

Please give me any feedback you can think of any lyric ideas what ever thank you x


Peer Review

I've mentioned it so many times but for real, this flow is so effortlessly perfect! And you've used key words like a smile, dark, home, and child to set the theme of the song, it works really well to put the reader in your shoes and allow us to feel how you're feeling - which is whole the point of a good song/poem!


Probably "I can't help but smile" Caz that's what a crush is! that's what young love is, it's not being able to control your happiness, like your emotions being at the mercy of someone else. This line is short and sweet but it makes me think and feel so much! V V relatable too XD


TBH it's hard to give any criticism on a SONG when you haven't HEARD it, I can only really see this as a wonderful poem, I can't even imagine what epic melody you've paired with it yet.
Like a poem I like it. It tells a bittersweet story in a simple and beautiful way.


AAAAAAAA KEEP GOING YOU ANGEL! THIS IS SERIOUSLY AWSESOMEEE ( I can't say I'm surprised!) I know this is what you're passionate about, songs are your future, and you're already so good at it!!!! Keep going! even if you have to create loads of different versions do it, then pick the one u like the most. You're so FULL of awesome song ideas I 100% know it - the proof is that fact that you came up with this in only one hour! BORN PERFORMER!


Reviewer Comments

I wOnDeR wHo ItS aBoUt ??
WhOeVeR iTs AbOuT I find it so hard to believe they could be thinking about anyone else when they're lucky enough to have such a beautiful, talented, strong, smart woman right in front of them. Your poetry is proof that you are amazing! ( not that we needed any more proof in the first place!) Keep going you're ~swag~