MostlyBananas

United Kingdom

I'm a fan of strange stuff, fantasy, poetry and art, along with a ridiculous combination of music tastes and books. I don't really have a goal, I just love writing. I used to be here under the name Chips but that was years ago. I'm here now.

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Description; is there enough or is the dialogue taking up too much of the piece? I would appreciate feedback, because I'm not sure.

Jason

January 31, 2021

FREE WRITING

2
I opened the door to see Jason wearing a red cape and shoes. 
‘‘Oh. Jason.’’
“Hello Michael!’’
“Yes, lovely weather. Why are you wearing that cape?”
“What, this old thing? It’s for the carnival up on the park.’’
“Ah. I was thinking about going but uh…” I spilled my coffee a little. My favourite shirt. 
“Oh, bad luck! Well, don’t worry.’’ He winked at me and touched his nose in what was meant to be a jovial way. It looked more like he had a cold. “I’ll get you a new one,’’ he continued, not fazed one bit by his failure to be charming.
“Wha-you? A new one? By Poseidon’s beard, you’re always broke!’’
“Used to be, used to be. I’m being paid for my part in a little mystery going on at the carnival.’’
“The police wanted you?” I was too surprised to keep my horror of someone like Jason being elected to take part in a delicate matter. Luckily, Jason doesn’t usually notice things like this.
“What? Something wrong?” Unluckily, this time he did.
I recovered from my fumble in a moment. “Well, old chap, you have finally, it seems, done this town a service. You should come in, and we’ll discuss it a bit, over a...shall we say...a cappuccino?”
 “No, no. I can’t get excited on the job. Or before or after it, for that matter. Odd business, you know, requires clear thinking,’’ Jason moved his arms in and out and around his head to demonstrate.
“Well, come in anyway and we’ll discuss it over a glass of water.” 
We moved in through my ebony door and over to the living room table. I left Jason watching my clock with interest(it was a cuckoo clock, something Jason, despite his general failure to understand things, appreciated), and went to get us both glasses of water. 
“So, the crime was committed on Oak hill. An old woman had her bag stolen. The thief, once he had her bag, hit her over the head with it. The woman fell over unconscious, and a moment later the police arrived.”
“Right. So why did they take you on?’’
“Oh, that. I was the only witness.” He shifted in his seat.
I looked at him closely for signs of sweat, shiftiness, anything.
“You were the only witness?”
“Uh, yes. Yes I was. Thing is, I didn’t actually see it happen, exactly.” 
“Exactly?”
“I was in the tree, but I didn’t notice anything going on below,” he mumbled.
Jason looked down shamefully.
I looked at him suspiciously.
“Jason…” Jason whimpered like a dog being told off.
“Jason…” I repeated “Jason, were you with the mayor’s daughter again?”
Jason bit his lip and clenched his fingers. 
“She wants to marry me. She saw the crime. I need the money to get us a home, so she told me to come up as the witness and offer to help, and use the reward money,” He looked up at me and immediately relocated his gaze back to the table.
I sighed and rubbed my sinuses. This was so Jason.
“And the reward money?”
“20,000.” 
I gaped. I won’t defend my rudeness here. I gaped, stared, and tripped all over my words.
My hands were flailing on the table in surprise. 
“!” was about all I could get out of my mouth. It is, I think, the closest I can get to an equivalent to the sound/mouth movement I made. The “!” is a highly useful symbol. That digression aside, I gaped.
“Well, see, the woman is a millionaire, and she can offer quite a lot for that handbag without losing anything. We found out, just recently, that the bag is from a cheap thrift store, but she’d kill anyone who told her that.”
“Yes, that’s not a brilliant prospect is it-” the truth hit me like stepping on lego.
“Jason, there is only one millionaire in this town, and it’s the mayor’s mother.”
Jason was drinking his water, and evidently doing so to avoid my point.
Unruffled, I continued:
“The woman who was hit was the mayor, I would guess, and her mother is offering the reward money for her darling daughter.”
He finished his last gulp and panted for a moment. Eventually he nodded.
“Yes, that’s right. Uh, you see, I think Alicia did it, as her mother is against the idea, but her grandmother is all for it.” 
“Alicia being the mayor’s daughter?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. How badly is the mayor hurt?”
“She won’t be able to finish her time as mayor, being in the hospital and all that. So her mother is taking over for her, and knowing her, she’ll do her best to keep herself as mayor for as long as she possibly can.”
“Hmm. Will the police find out?”
“They don’t care about the culprit, they care about retrieving the bag. When I find it, I’ll get the money and that’ll be the end of my troubles.”
“My. A happy ending, eh?”
“Yes.”
We stared out the window.
“Right well, back to the real subject: what about my shirt?”
“You’ll have it tomorrow.” 
That’s about the end of it. He got the girl, I got my shirt, the mayor’s grandmother is 99 and still has the willpower to force the people to elect her and the carnival is finally leaving. Jason has invited me over to Alicia’s place (big mansion, technically her grandmother’s) tomorrow. Knowing Jason, he’s in trouble again. 
 
I am now pretty much just copypasting my writing from Google documents on to these for people to read, enjoy and review.

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  • January 31, 2021 - 1:33pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Yellow Sweater

    Re : I have done a couple collaborations! I would to collab with you if you want!


    3 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    Re: thank you so much! I have been working on my prose recently, but the farthest I have gotten is making characters. I can't seem to construct a plot for the life of me:)


    3 months ago