Peer Review by Coolgirl2020 (LOVE YA ALL) (United States)

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All the Ways

By: don't you see the starlight (#TS) (formerly anemoia by a thread)


FREE WRITING


[VERSE 1]
Heart pounds
Breath quickens
Thoughts tangle
And you're not even in the room

[VERSE 2]
Head spins
Body tingles
Focus blurs
And you're not even in the room

​[CHORUS]
You don't know you do this to me 
You don't see the secrets I keep
You don't know all the ways I ache

[VERSE 3]
Pulse jumps
Hands shake
Passion quakes
And you're not even in the room

[CHORUS]
I don't understand how much I want you
I don't know what I want to do
I afraid of all the ways I ache for you

[BRIDGE]
Anticipation waits
Desire awakes
Soul aches
For you

[CHORUS]
You don't know you do this to me 
You don't see the secrets I keep
You don't know all the ways I ache
I don't understand how much I want you
I don't know what I want to do
I'm afraid of all the ways I ache for you

[OUTRO]
And all I can do
Is fight these feelings 
These little fires you've started in me
I'm afraid 
Of all the ways
I ache for you

not for the competition. i'm just into songwriting right now. but speaking of the competition, check out my final submission (shameless plug): https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/215731/version/457377
A rough draft of what this might look like as song lyrics.
Added to and edited.
Apologies if I don't reply.

wow, why does that all sounds so serious? 
it's the periods. punctuation matters! XD

Message to Readers

this is def not final, so any feedback is appreciated. technical, lyrical, musical, etc. i have a vague melody for this, similar to Taylor Swift's "Dress" (i know, i know, i don't like to listen to it much because it's... intense, but this song has a similar vibe to it—just way more mild and toned down).


Peer Review

I think this piece is really lovely and even though it's rather short, I definitely enjoyed reading it! ^-^


I would love to know why you chose this specific title. It's a pretty fitting title, but I feel like "I ache for you" would be a better one. It's your decision, lol, I'm just a little partial to it because it sounds more romantic. XD


Reviewer Comments

I think this is a lovely song and I'm a little curious about what inspired you to write it. Anything specific?
You really have a talent for writing songs. Can't wait to read more! <3