Dmoral

United States

♕ | she/her | est. 2018
summer hiatus coming soon.

Message to Readers

capitalization & lowercase & puncuation intentional. rough phrasing & spelling typos not intentional.

btw, yes i'm doing fine mentally. don't worry.

I am the not enough girl

February 22, 2021

FREE WRITING

9
I am the not enough girl.

born to a family of visual humanities; the problem does not lie in genes skipping generations. no, not when there's siblings & they display the genes so perfectly; it was me lacking talent, the trait mutated out of me. so when there's a concert or art gallery, you'll never miss me; since i wasn't enough, even for considering.

I am the not enough girl.

every petal was a he didn't love me when there's a whole world of startling beauties; it's okay, really; i don't blame him for not choosing me. it was weird you know, that blissful feeling when those flirty comments were directed at me: with the first boy, i gave him an out, he took it far too quickly; with the third boy i told him, this was a to new for me, he got scared himself and left me; it was the third boy who was the utter wrecking, taking me home, smirking knowingly, texting me beautiful words constantly. it was the third boy who ripped my stitches of identity and read my secret-lined insides i hardly knew myself. it was the third boy who shattered me when he felt content, telling me broken cannot love broken and that i was just his healing test. it was the third boy who never truly cared for me properly or fully, lacing his fingers with the dream girl of every boy's heart; since i wasn't enough for any of them to stay or love anyway.

I am the not enough girl.

education is unbecoming, all the standardized numbing and average debating; so when the world picks its favorite letter, all the rest just blur together. without As they told me i held no future, by only passing i was just another tragedy taking up space for somebody more rewarding. maths were my personal disaster, i could've done so much better; at least, that's what they tell me. in gym, i wasn't athletic enough to be chosen first but just enough to avoid the awkward last; in science, i could figure it out slowly, try each piece of the puzzle together myself, but i wasn't ever learning fast enough; in history, i wasn't dedicated enough; in english, i wasn't conventional enough; there wasn't ever a second, when i was more than average enough.

I am the not enough girl.

signed my name in five yearbooks: my own, my favorite teacher (that hardly even knows my name), my sister's (after mom forced her), the girl from chemistry class who felt bad, & the boy from gym who just passed around his book since he couldn't care any less. there's not enough here for pity, i'm not a hero or villain in anyone's story; simply, an extra people'll hardly trouble themself with remembering. and if anyone finds themself their own not enough girl, i surely hope they at least smile with sincerity, then mockingly or with pity. since it's not her fault she wasn't ever enough, it's just the world trying to balance the nobodies, somebodies, and never-enoughbodies.

I am the not enough girl.
writing in first person and not second person for the first time in forever & i definitely can't remember the last time i wrote a prose so yeah. draft one of three probably. feedback of any kind appreciated.

and to all my lovelies out there, there's so much more in the world than appearances and heartache. & i just hope you guys see that whether it be today or someday.

here's another piece of mine, published months ago, but the message still important: poetry service announcement (psa): body issues

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  • February 22, 2021 - 2:24pm (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • Avril

    Wow such an important message. This piece is so poetic and the word choice is lovely. The line, "An extra people'll hardly trouble themselves with remembering" hit hard. Love this!


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: ahh thank you so much!! it means the world to me that you liked it. hope you're having a wonderful day!


    3 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    my word. beautiful as always, dmoral. i really want to go on and on about this piece, but i feel as if i would ruin it. everything about it is poetic (even though it's in prose), and the way it sounds personal but not too casual at the same time is what really made this piece for me.


    3 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    i feel so felt.
    seconding what anne said,you've always been enough,if not more than.
    i'm so happy to see in your footnotes that you are feeling more content.
    and dmoral,you DO have talent,don't tell yourself otherwise.


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    You've always been enough for us


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    I think i needed this—so thank you :)


    3 months ago