useless :)

United States

hi!
idrk what i'm doing but
she/her
14 :)
pisces
est 1/22/21

Message to Readers

Any feedback at all would be greatly appreciated! :)

the world is no longer a glass globe

January 22, 2021

FREE WRITING

14
we were told the world is our globe
ours to bend, ours to shape
but the globe turns into glass
so f r a g i l e

the harsh, cruel awakening of life
fills you with the immortal presence of doubt
infiltrates your soul
as the world c r u m b l e s
 
for the less fortunate
the globe doesn't slowly crumble
it shatters into a million tiny pieces
all at o n c e

we don't know which piece to pick up
which path to follow
there are a million fragmented realities
realities which could be m i n e

but

every time i try and pick one
i prick my finger
with the lurking dangers of life
which threaten my humanity

i don't want to choose
i want my world to be whole again
i try to pick up the shattered pieces of life
and make them one

but it doesn't work that way

i'm trapped in an abyss of longing
i still haven't picked which reality
i will make possible, because
society won't let me dream

i try my luck
i flip a coin
at least i have a chance
but the coin is two-sided

i see a shooting star
i can finally make a wish
but that wish has already been stolen
now all i can do is dream

dream of a time
so foreign now
it's a rare, pleasant thought
nothing more than a memory

it was all so simple
when the world was a glass globe
 
Hi everyone! So uhm, this is my first time writing poetry creatively, so ik this is pretty bad. It might take a while, but I probably (hopefully) will improve. I made this account kind of spontaneously, this literally popped up when I was searching for something else and I decided I'd make an account lol. Anyway, I'd reallyyyyy appreciate any feedback cause, yk, my writing poetry needs it lol. Maybe how to make it flow and how you incorporate such cool and meaningful similes in all your poems (I read a couple and so many of you guys are amazinggg). Thanks for reading if you are! :)

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17 Comments
  • Minvra

    Firstly, I would like this but for some reason it won't let me. Secondly, this is very relatable and the metaphor is clear. Hot glass is very bendable. The italicizes sound like the narrator's darker thoughts and revelations, but they still feel like they're breaking. It's a very meaningful piece.


    8 months ago
  • Starlitskies

    Omg this poem is amazing! I love the concept that you bring and the way you write about "realities" is so intoxicating. Such a powerful poem!
    Re: Nice to meet you too! And the username idea sounds lovely. Lmk when you change it so that I can change it in my message board as well.


    8 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Re: Thank you! If you have a stereotype I didn't list just comment on one of my pieces, I'm trying to make a part 2 because there are soooo many stereotypes and if you have an experience with stereotypes feel free to let me know and I'll add it to the part 2 I'm constructing. I'm a fellow newbie as well, but welcome, I'm Delphi (del-fee), and I hope to see more of your work!


    8 months ago
  • rwong

    woahhhh this is really pretty and amazing and dang you're off to an amazing start.
    hiiiii welcome to wtw!!!! i'm rwong :) nice to meet you. i know you've already gotten a warm welcome from everyone else, but i really hope that you'll find this place to be as close to your heart as it is to me. don't hesitate to ask me any questions if you have any—just drop a comment on one of my pieces!! see you around!


    8 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Wow. Um, im late to the party?! "the harsh, cruel awakening of life
    fills you with the immortal presence of doubt
    infiltrates your soul
    as the world c r u m b l e s"
    This is so beautiful!! I see you've gotten a warm welcome already, and I hope you enjoy this friendly community! I'm FantasyOtter12 (F'Otter, fo, otter, idrc) Drop a comment if you have any questions!


    8 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: of course!! :)


    8 months ago
  • U S E R N A M E S (W R IT I NG HIA T US)

    RE: Thank you!


    8 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: Aw, thank you so much!! It’s so nice to meet you! I’m Eden!
    Welcome to WtW! If you need anything, please just let me know! I’m here to chat also if you ever want to!
    Have an awesome day/night! God bless you!


    8 months ago
  • First Name Last Name

    re: thank you! and also HOLY CRAP I LOVE THIS the imagery of glass shattering and everything is awesome!! congrats on joining wtw!!


    8 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    hello, i'm Paisley! i just read through this and WOW you are off to a great start! welcome to wtw, dear!
    re: first of all, since you've just arrived, here's how to reply to comments on a piece - you have to go to their piece , like i'm doing here, and type "re" or "replying" followed by your response :) it's a bit of a hassle, but that's what we've gotta do! idk if you already knew it - if you did, sorry. if not, well, now you know.
    thank you for your kind comment! i'm very glad you liked my piece :) hope you're having a wonderful day! and happy writing :)


    8 months ago
  • almost flora kane

    i love this! such a cool analogy and topic. what a great first piece!! i can see you're very talented. welcome:) i'm flora kane. how are you?
    (i know that's not super helpful on the editing front, but if you want i'll try to get you a review.)


    8 months ago
  • Ren(hiatus)

    woah!! Amazingly done, bravo! Welcome to WtW!


    8 months ago
  • U S E R N A M E S (W R IT I NG HIA T US)

    This is gorgeously done! Welcome to WTW !!!!


    8 months ago
  • Dakota_Lyn

    this is good!! Its SOOOOOOOO much better than any poetry ive ever written. GOOD JOB! and welcome to WtW


    8 months ago
  • beth r.

    re: aw np


    8 months ago
  • beth r.

    "dream of a time
    so foreign now
    it's a rare, pleasant thought
    nothing more than a memory"
    I- wow. This is amazing- the imagery is gorgeous!- and welcome to WTW! I'm beth, lmk if you need anything


    8 months ago
  • nopenopenope

    ...Dude. This is so good.
    This stanza made me gasp:

    "i'm trapped in an abyss of longing
    i still haven't picked which reality
    i will make possible, because
    society won't let me dream"

    AND HAPPY WTW BIRTHDAY /FIRST DAY!
    I'm Rosi/Rosewall'd - your chaotic friendly neighborhood writer human..person.


    8 months ago