United States

Message to Readers

Is there anything unclear? Do you think I should make it more focused on say a particular point?

going for the drowned rat kind of look

January 24, 2021


Fun fact: I love drowning,

in metaphor. A metamorphosis of breath, and the air swims in water until I have none left to give. They go up, to bed, to dinner, to Sundays roasted in hellfire and Mondays saturated in sin.

because I am 70% water and if I stay I will be filled

and popped from the inside out. How to wrap myself into a sphere, tiny globes of rainbows that will make me ephemerally Earth-like? Greedy fingers always seek the heart for riches, and at last, my empty innards will be missed, desired.

like tubs of shampoo bubbles

and aluminized plastic on trees, a poetic death for the one who was afraid of leaving quietly in the night. The water refracts light into kinds of itself, bending streams into golden ribbons that weave through salt and hair and weeds who reign free.


against the surf, and divided kernels of sand don't stand a chance. United, I am powerfully mute in the face of the moon's decree and wind's war cry. Seabreeze, I sink and sink and build shipwrecks by cramming fireworks in my mouth and wrapping my bloated body in curtains of bubble wrap, seafoam frothing as I wait for the inevitable explosion.
into a contented rage.

that is recycled. Eons and the same ions remain, remolded time after time. Evidence of a death obsessed over.
Kind of a work in progress at the moment... I don't think it has really a point yet? but lmk what you think :)

(The title is temporary for now, but it makes me laugh a little inside haha)


See History
  • January 24, 2021 - 3:45pm (Now Viewing)

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  • Starlitskies

    Re: Thank you so much for your lovely comment on my piece! And thank you for the idea as well! <3
    And y'know what I just realised... I probably came to your piece in the first place to thank you for a comment you made in one of my previous pieces, but then obviously, the entrancing semantics of your piece made me forget it. So thank you! :)

    8 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    I love this so much! and I love the format! There are so many interesting ideas and images in this piece. I think my favorite line was: "United, I am powerfully mute in the face of the moon's decree and wind's war cry. "

    8 months ago
  • Starlitskies

    I love this! You ask whether you should focus more on a single point: In my opinion, no. I think the fact that it is not focused is the most fascinating thing about this piece; Something that makes your words float off the page and start dancing and twirling in the air. It's so stunning! The metaphors so avid and breathtaking! God I wish I could write like this! <3

    8 months ago
  • rainydayz

    i’m loving it

    8 months ago