em wilder

United States

call me mirkat (or cordelia)
est. 10/15/20
14│she/her│INFP-A│old soul

i've always fallen in love with the ideas of people.

have an ineffable day!
i can't express how much i love it here...

<3<3<3

Message from Writer

scribble chums with remi'sgotinkstains, useless :), and Starlitskies.

thanks to paisley blue and rwong for all the love and support.

“there was a star riding through clouds
one night, & i said to the star,
'consume me'.”
― virginia woolf

“when i cannot see words
curling like rings of smoke round me
i am in darkness— i am nothing.”
― virginia woolf

"the moment was all;
the moment was enough.”
― virginia woolf

a writer's fate// you are but a scrap of bread// promise me you'll listen// heartbeat

January 21, 2021

FREE WRITING

14

come, sit. i’ll tell you a tale told in the gaps between my words. 

it starts on the bank of a stream, giggling along like a schoolgirl infatuated with her silly flights of fancy. now and again the sweet water comes to a dip in the riverbed, falling and rising with the wind that ripples the ever-changing surface. there is a tang in the air, inspiration and hope weaving through the proud maples and sprawling oak trees. the light filters through the canopy above and soon the sunlight is streaked with bits of emerald, crimson, and gold. all is thoroughly alive, from the bubbling stream to the air and even the trees, home to many a songbird belting out wonderful tunes.

and then you hear a whisper calling from the depths of the forest. it’s not like anything you’ve heard before. not the wind whistling through the trees on a stormy night nor the rustling of leaves when wildlife peeps up at you. no, this is deeper than that, full of heartbreak and longing. it’s a startingly melancholy wail of a soul broke into a thousand pieces and thrown over a sheer side of a cliff. this, my dear, is the sound of a struggling writer.

shh, don’t be afraid. it’s all right.

that’s what they tell you, but they don’t get it. because it’s drowning each time you can’t find the perfect word and fighting to stay afloat when you do. it’s banging your head against the wall when you can’t string sentences together. it’s having thousands of thoughts with no hope of making sense of any of them. it’s sweat and ink and brains splattered onto the floor. it’s cleaning it all up and swallowing down your shortcomings so that you can get ahead. it’s a race against yourself, a marathon with your mind.

and then it’s diving into the waves again, back into the salty air and windswept lands. back into the water, the danger, the threat. because you writers can’t stay away. you crave the shock of frigid water and the burn of molten lava. it’s a constant struggle with identity, with the need to suffer. to stay alive, to tell a story. to be original and unique when you know it’s already been done before.

it’s using words when there’s nothing else. forging sentences in the belly of the beast. wielding pens made of the strongest steel. fighting to make your mark on the world. smeared ink on foreheads, cramped hands, bony callusses forming from the millions of stories teeming within. it’s witnessing history before it’s even written. 

and the saddest part is that you can only aspire to see your name on a piece of cardboard shoved between the dreams and lives of others. that’s all a book is you know, dreams and lives that either end up well or don’t.

see, you’re doomed. doomed to a life of freezing and burning, of fighting to find the words, of daring to stretch the small minds of others. you are doomed to a solitary life even when you’re in a room full of people. you’re stuck in your head, waging a war with yourself. in a way, you are humanity boiled down to it’s purest form. 

and you thought you were to live in a dark garret room, pounding out novels and surviving on scraps of bread.

you got it all wrong, my dear. you are not an author of great novels, merely the bits of bread on which others dine. just one taste and they want more to satisfy their sunken stomachs. but there is never enough to go around. you have limits, my dear. you are the limits.

but nevermind all that. one day, my dear, your name will grace a piece of cardboard. promise me you’ll listen to your heartbeat. there are precious few a writer can trust, but heartbeats are one of them.
...


 
prompt by r.j. elsewhere. check out their amazing piece! many others have tried this prompt and i decided i had to add my two cents. kinda late coming to the party, but i loved writing this and i'm really proud of it (which barley happens with any of my works). so what do you say, my little scraps of bread? you like?

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  • January 21, 2021 - 8:52pm (Now Viewing)

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17 Comments
  • useless :)

    this is absolutely stunning. everything is so beautiful, and the ending...wow.


    about 1 month ago
  • Rose A

    replying: thank you and no problem. It's not a big deal because I always love reading your pieces. Honestly, you are such an amazing writer. And thank you for taking time out of your day to comment on my piece! :)


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: haha thanks!! :) really really glad you liked it!! and what volume of Mary Oliver's did you put on hold - it would be cool to read the same one lol :) fun fact about her - one of her biggest inspirations was Walt Whitman!! and i totally see that - they have completely different styles but the underlying messages are really similar. lots of nature and observations about life and people and all that fun stuff :)

    and yeah! i do have a typewriter, I got her for christmas :) i named her Jo after Jo in Little Women lol! i've been writing a plethora of short stories, but i haven't transferred many of them onto my chromebook yet. there's one that I've been working on a lot that i really am having fun with - it's already 12 pages long lamppp :) i feel so much more creative when i write on her lol

    i really want to read something of hers. do you have any recommendations for a good starting point - or shall i just dive in :) and you're so sweet - "you have the same aptitude for describing seemingly normal moments and turning them into divine happenings" this really hit my heart. i'm so glad you think of me that way :))) love you, mir!!

    ALSO MIR!!! 197 FOLLOWERS!!! dude..... i'm so proud!!! you're nearly at 200 and that blows my mind but at the same time it doesn't because you totally deserve each of them and ahhhh!!! :)))))) yay i'm so happy for you!! :)) cheers!!!


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Yay! My favorites are probably I Don't Wanna Love Somebody Else and Fall On Me but it changes depending on my mood.


    about 1 month ago
  • rwong

    dang so um this is really stunning like genuinely like "promise me you’ll listen to your heartbeat. there are precious few a writer can trust, but heartbeats are one of them." thats...that's the work of a master mir. and so how could ever think that i'd believe you'll write something not up to your usual standards?? that's impossible hrmph i refuse to let ever say that to urself >:(
    ohhhh going back to in person!! how is it??? i totally relate like i completely forgot how tired i get by the end of the day...i just wanna take a nap lolll but then theres hw and all that jazz
    aww well i mean like you could always be friends w them? maybe? idk some people are a lot nicer than they seem so give it a chance. oh but if you can't just remember we're all still here heh and i am proudly your friend :)


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you so much! Maybe if you write down "I will remember my dreams tomorrow" every morning you'll start to remember them. I've heard that helps train your subconscious to want to remember it. But most people don't dream quite as vividly as I do (I promise I'm not saying that to try to be ~quirky~), and others have more nightmares. So keep that in mind.


    about 1 month ago
  • rwong

    OMYGOODNESS HI MIRRRR I MISSED YOU!!!! sorry i just finished my pe workout and "rewarded" myself w checking wtw and i saw you on!! hiiiiiiiiii its meee shell hehe how have you been? <3 <3


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: oh that's super fun!! i miss being in person. actually, i have been able to do an in person theater class - super distanced and masked and there's only 10 of us in the room at a time - but it's just been absolutely amazing to get to see real live people again XD

    And as for reading - dude i'll totally check her out, thank you so much for the recommendation!! her works sound pretty neat - awesomesauce!! and yeah, writers block... its like, i have all these ideas but when i go to type them up they just fall flat. I have, however, been working on a few little short stories on my typewriter, so i think that's helped me a bit.

    stay mir!! (lol i live for cheesy stuff like that ;D )


    about 1 month ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: it make me so unreasonably happy that people are able to relate to the things i write. it never fails to astound me. having faith in a deity of any kind is slightly bizarre to me, and i recently started really contemplating why i've believed in this religion for as long as i have. like, i would love to believe that everything happens for a reason and that there's someone more powerful than us who's kind of looking after the world, but how plausible is it really? sometimes, religions just seem like ideas founded by people just trying to understand why the world is the way it is, without any real faith or evidence. but then there's also so much history behind them, so maybe it is true. then there's the fact that there's just so many religions out there, and any of them could easily be the "correct one." so much to think about... your whole thing about believing in the little things in life is so precious and poetic, i must say. perhaps it doesn't matter; as long as we live our lives in the most fulfilling way for ourselves, right? unless there is an afterlife or heaven/hell situation on the line. which brings me back to the beginning...
    i'm so sorry about your block! i hope it ends soon. i've been fine. just overthinking and contemplating my beliefs and morals a lot (not necessarily a bad thing!).


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    (Also. Just gotta say, this piece STILL gives me chills and I've read it probably five times... honestly every time I see it, I end up rereading it. So beautiful!!)


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: ahh mir I missed you!! :) and I know exactly what you mean about school and writers block—I've been waging a vicious war against them both myself.
    And thank you for the kind words—haha, I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that my words seem to be beating you up...? I'll tell them to back off, don't worry.
    Sorry, I'm in a weird mood. Just glad to talk to you again :) im really touched that you liked my poem so much!
    And no, I haven't actually gotten to watch the poet laureate yet!!!! I had school ;-; but my mom sent a video to me, and I have it pinned to my chromebook!!!! I promise I'm planning on watching it soon!!! :)
    But yes, I love obsessing over poets lol—one of the great joys of life!! Along with good literature and music that seeps into your soul.

    ...apparently I'm in a poetic mood lol, sorry for the weirdly metaphorical comment!! Missed you so muchhhh :))


    about 1 month ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    um, so this is fantastic? “ but nevermind all that. one day, my dear, your name will grace a piece of cardboard. promise me you’ll listen to your heartbeat. there are precious few a writer can trust, but heartbeats are one of them” i mean, talk about a powerful ending. absolutely stunning.
    also, how are you doing? i feel like i haven’t interacted with you in a while, and while i was here, i figured i’d ask.


    about 1 month ago
  • Rose A

    ........... wow. Yes, I do like it.

    I have to agree with all the comments below mine. Especially Paisley Blue. I'm not sure what else to say, mirkat. You've done a wonderful job.


    about 2 months ago
  • Zirong

    Speechless. I can only see pure talent.


    about 2 months ago
  • psithurism #words [Sunnydew]

    Oh man I don't even know what to say


    about 2 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    yes
    i like


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Oh man... I hope its not weird to say that I found myself in this. Like, to a point that I'm actually a bit stunned right now. It just... wow I'm at a loss for words. I'm not sure what to write other than... I found myself nodding along and... this is perfect. This is absolutely perfect.

    I need to go read this a couple more times.


    about 2 months ago