Peer Review by ANSON REYNOLDS (United States)

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Transcendentalist Sidewalk Chalk

By: Zinnia123


FREE WRITING

I have a flower petal fetish. I like things broken, spilling out desperate perfume. I’ve taken to doing transcendentalist sidewalk art, trying to mend my perversion. But I can only decorate what has already been destroyed. 
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I grew up in a pseudo-liberal hippy commune, full of old people who stopped smoking pot when the seventies came to a close. Now they rely on drum circles and potlucks and community gardens to ease their addiction to utopia. 
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Some lovely spring days, I think we humans fragment reality with our uncomfortable rhythm. But when write, I realize the universe would be rhythm-less without our presumptuous categorization of moments. When I close my eyes, I don’t dream of Upstate New York, I see London: angular city blocks, hidden allies, aching feet, and dirty white facades.  

As I said in my bio, I don't nessasarily believe my own assertations:) 

Message to Readers

I would love if someone could read for flow (of ideas and words).


Peer Review

Every. Last. Bit. Was. Increíblemente. (Me flexing w my spanish vocab XD) I loved the title, and from the first line, I swear to the top of the Mad Hatter's headwear I was in love.


I read for flow (we love message boards :)) and it seemed just fine (read: fantabulous), the only place where it felt jumpy was at the end where it jumped from being this beautiful, almost metaphysic ramble into a describing London in a very literal/Dickens-esk way. I think this piece could a) make that ending work b/c it's so weird, and by that I mean it totally throws off the aforementioned rambling and metaphysic vibe. Which is good, IF you want people scratching their heads and saying "What the heck just happened?" *incoming rant* Scratching heads is totally a good thing though. I would encourage you (that sounds so washed-up-middle-school-english teacher-esk) to find a better head scratching inducing ending. "Dirty white facades"- those are your last three words. Are you describing a building? A person? A race? There is nothing wrong with any of those, and I don't have any problem with the last three words. The miss for me is in the three descriptions before it. Excluding "angular city blocks"(I absolutely adore your use of angular, btw), the descriptions feel run-of-the-mill, which is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT THIS PEICE IS! THIS PEICE IS FREAKING EXEMPLARY. PERIOD. And that is why I'm going on the whole mini rant about two tiny little adjectival phrases.


Reviewer Comments

I think we should be friends.
:)