Peer Review by Cosmogyral (United States)

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eve

By: your local cryptid


FREE WRITING

i am not old enough to yet understand my aunt's calloused hands 
i figure she might not like it if her niece possibly turned nephew 
only for the fact that it implies i will complete my metamorphosis and become a man 

i wonder if the hunger inside eve's belly 
turned into some kind of modern day feminist ache 
or if maybe it turned into something more mundane 
like menstrual cramps or hang-nails 
 
if maybe the fact that i received a clock on my birthday 
alludes not to my own death 
but the death of something i have yet to understand 

i read my aunt's books of poetry on the kitchen floor at midnight 
drinking milk and ripping my fingers through the skin of an orange 
i was never built for love or perfection 
my broken fingers were made for building  

 


Peer Review

Just the title, 'eve', I thought of evening or the Christian mother of humanity.


For the first paragraph, to keep the delicate tone, how about you say "I will complete my metamorphosis however many times I need to ensure human." or "I will travel my metamorphosis however many times I need to ensure I am complete." Metamorphosis isn't just once, it is a grand journey to anyone and everyone. In the last stanza, I love the imagery, I love how I can see you so clearly working out the moves of the moment. It's lovely. This is lovely.


Reviewer Comments

This is a leisurely slow read, I wanted to savour it because it was so nice, and so warm. When I reached the end, I truly wasn't ready to leave.