Peer Review by musicmaker (United States)

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Haven or Dream?

By: SittingByTheSea


FREE WRITING

where am i?
who are you?
did i die?
am i in heaven?

i look around.
what a sight,
what surrounds.
sunshine.

it's like a haven.
waterfalls and green grass,
flowers and blue lakes.
it's beautiful.

it's so pretty.
i stand up.
you're there,
like an angel.

"where am i?"
you smile.
"this is your dream.
it's been a while"

how is this possible?
it feels so real.
am i really able
to cross between worlds?

i rub my eyes.
i'm still here.
this is no lie.
am i immortal?

i trust in God.
only God can do this,
not me.
and i'm not God.

"no," i whisper.
"it's a trick."
you shake your head.
"you're really here."

"how?" i ask.
you look around.
"a memory for you to bask.
and you can have a good time."

i squeeze my eyes shut.
"i want to go home."
it doesn't work out.
i'm in haven.

you frown.
"why aren't you having fun?"
i listen to other sounds
instead of her.

birds chirp.
water rushes.
trees sway.
frogs ribbit.

you're right.
why am i not having fun
while i can?
so i run in the sun.


Message to Readers

ahhhh rhyming is hard


Peer Review

This is great! Leaving a little question as to whether it is heaven, a dream, or both is great!


A little more description to make it more desirable would be a good addition.


Reviewer Comments

Great work! I'm definitely following you!