Peer Review by Mr. Colin E. (United States)

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online school

By: HeyThereRose


FREE WRITING

you push your head up away from the screen and into the light 
eyes heavy, neck aching in that non existent way
it's there again that feeling 
of having been submerged
for too long
too deep

you sigh and the breathe of a thousand things you should've done makes you want to hurl your phone -or yourself- at the floor

you toy with the idea for a moment, smashing glass, smashing bone silence.

but instead you place your phone down gently and pull a text book towards you, laying your head on it as if you could absorb knowledge that way.

for a second your eyes flicker closed and you look peaceful, for the first time in a while, like a child.




 


Peer Review

What delighted and surprised about me about this piece was how you described the internal frustration of isolation with online school. The words you used like "for too long, too deep", "smashing glass", and "eyes heavy", super powerful.


Aside from this being based on what appears to be a personal experience, when did you get the inspiration to write this poem? Did it come to you on a random day or was it a few months after COVID hit? Also, this is merely a suggestion, but as I mentioned in the comments, but perhaps you could go into detail about what the person misses due to being in online school. It'd really flesh out the frustrations just a bit more.


Reviewer Comments

Greetings HeyThere Rose, it's your friendly neighborhood Senior Peer Reviewer and I very much enjoyed reviewing this piece. I found it to be emotionally moving and quite relatable for anyone in these uncertain times the world is now facing. While there are some things that need to be improved upon, it's still a very good piece. I fully encourage you to keep writing and have a wonderful day. Top notch!