anemoia (#words)

United States

WtW's resident "the cool cousin you see once a year, but the conversation you guys were having a long time ago picks up where it left off without missing a beat" (rosi)

Child of God
athletic nerd


Message to Readers


"napoleon's problems" (rewrite of champagne problems)

January 10, 2021



[Verse 1]
You signed the treaties for a reason
So you had Europe under control
Losing your pride or losing Russia
You’re not sure which was worse

Because you, lost Trafalgar in Spain
The Brits kept causing you pain
Five years, you lose your fame
Napoleon’s problems
Six years, Spain’s guerrilla fighters
Start weakening the Empire
Peninsular War became dire
Napoleon’s problems

[Verse 2]
You invaded Russia for a reason
They weren’t cooperating
Took soldiers, five hundred thousand
Barely a fifth of them remained

Moscow, you thought you’d take it
Went up in flames, you didn’t
Cold, hunger, and exhaustion
Napoleon’s problems
You had to leave, retreating
Victory beyond your reaches
And you couldn’t give a reason
Napoleon’s problems

The five great powers met in secret
Congress of Vienna, swore they’d keep it
Established peace and balance of power
Metternich said, “Well, it’s back to monarchy
How democracy, it failed in France
Don’t think we’ll use that idea again
And we’ll surround France with stronger nations 
Restore all the kings and queens”
With fair decisions, wise to the bone
You never were ready, but they made you go
And they had forty years of peace 
Across the continent of Europe
The Congress of Vienna worked out well
“A victory for conservatives,” they said
They restored the monarchies instead
They patched up the tapestry that you shred

And exiled you to a new island
No army to command
You’ll die a lonely man
With Napoleon’s problems
Five years, you were the greatest
Your pride claimed you’d made it
They won’t remember all of 
Napoleon’s problems

They won’t remember all of 
Napoleon’s problems
This was a project for history: rewrite the lyrics of any song with 10 historical facts about the Napoleonic Wars and the Congress of Vienna. I considered "Viva La Vida" (Coldplay) and "The Archer" (Taylor Swift) before settling on "champagne problems" (Taylor Swift). It worked out much better. 
This is all historically accurate, but you can dispute the number of troops Napoleon took to Russia. I saw several different numbers. He took a certain number of combatants as well as extra people, like aides and, I don't know, cooks and medics? I didn't do a lot of research. 
I can also play this song on the ukulele now!
Anyway, this was a lot of fun. Enjoy, and don't be afraid to sing it to the tune of "champagne problems" as it ought to be.


See History

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

  • barelybear

    Omg I LoVE it! Definitely getting Hamilton vibes, plus I do this for all my science revision lmao (ok but don’t knock ‘Shut up and dissolve with me’ bahah). I think the choruses are my favourite :)

    3 months ago
  • Saher Gole

    This is so amazing!! Especially the bits you picked up from the original- fitted just perfectly!
    RE: Thank you guys soo much! 'Refugee' is a really good read, do check it out.

    3 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    as a swiftie,i'm very proud.this is sooo good,also champagne problems is *chefs kiss* i can also play it on the ukelele so thats fun *tries to say it without sounding like she's bragging*

    4 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    re: also thank you <3 i just saw your comment on my soliloquy (i found out that is a fancy word for ranting poetry lol). i am trusting my savior that He knows best. plus, nothing may even come of it. lately its been pretty good. i feel like (on my end at least) it will be as normal as it can--bc it wont be the same-same after that card. its like im having this whole debate/argument with myself trying to figure out my confusion which is hard bc there is no objective view bc it is myself vs myself XD anyway sorry for the rant. i just wanted to say thank you for your encouragement <3

    4 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    re: you almost nailed it! i pictured them about 21 and 23 ish. i never really had it set but i had them in my mind as (young) adults. I am so so glad you liked the story! im sorry for killing them (not really lol) but it really means a lot that their deaths made an affect. that is my goal while writing my stories--to create a character that a reader will attach and relate to, and then tearing emotion in the reader. i sound evil but it is so satisfying XD thank you again for all your support. it means so so much <3

    4 months ago
  • ~ carolina ~ {formerly rosi willard}

    *breathes in the historical context and slight hamilton vibes*

    4 months ago