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~your local angst-y Christian girl~


soli Deo gloria!

Message to Readers

i missed my angst XD

just some ramblings :)

wrecked i am

January 9, 2021



sometimes i like to joke to myself
that if i ever get married
it would be proof God is real
    (i'm convinced i need a miracle)
sometimes i like to laugh to myself
"*insert random obsession* fills a void in my heart"
of course that would imply
there is a void
    (don't we all have one)
sometimes i wonder to myself
    some people like giving hugs
    some like giving gifts
    some serve, some spend time
still others
sit there quietly hoping their friends can feel their love even if they can never voice it because they're too afraid of judgment and what if it sounds too weird what if they don't feel the same way as you do you never know the right words to say anyway so why even speak in the first place it wouldn't sound right you'd write a poem but who does that these days this is stupid just stay quiet hopefully your silence speaks volumes of how you really do appreciate all them.
you would smile at them forever.
sometimes i like to beat myself up
just a few bruises
maybe if i'm the one to push me down
i won't let others do the same
maybe if i can scar this skin enough
nothing else will hurt me 
how no one has ever bullied me
except myself 

I want to breathe, I hate this night
I want to wake up, I hate this dream
I’m trapped inside of myself and I’m dead
Don’t wanna be lonely
Just wanna be yours

Why is it so dark when you’re not here
It’s dangerous how wrecked I am
Save me because I can’t get a grip on myself

-translated lyrics from "Save Me" by BTS


See History
  • January 9, 2021 - 9:58pm (Now Viewing)

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  • nolongeractive

    This piece is just so out of this world, I cannot even get over it!! I love your views and I cannot wait to read your new work!

    25 days ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    She sat on the hillside, running her fingers along the blades of grass. The sky was covered in bruised clouds, threatening to dump rain on her. But she didn't really care. Searching the ground, she found a clover and picked it, twirling it between her thumb and forefinger. It was a three-leaf clover. How uniconic. But after a while of staring at the plant, she notice something odd. A sequence of letters and numbers were facing her.
    But out of the corner of her vision, she noticed two figures approaching. Two boys, looking like complete opposites of one another. Each boy holding a piece of her heart. But how could she ever decide which one held more? She frowned at the clover, and then back at the boys who faced her with anger. Whoever said clovers were lucky obviously lied.

    about 2 months ago
  • anonymous_123 [Child of God]

    I think that we are our own biggest critics. This really proves that. We are. This is such a beautifully, true, and honest piece! Great job! I know I’m a bit late to reading this!

    2 months ago
  • In Which Yaya Writes

    Replying: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! I've always loved the idea of "being an outsider yet still being let in," so it was about time I wrote something about it :).
    XD haha ok. No problem! I love your writing!

    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    re: no, i get it, it can be really hard to be consistent. and you don't have to be. but i'll for sure welcome you whenever you feel like being here. and thank you! it comes from taylor swift's "New Year's Day," one of my favorite songs from reputation

    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    this is beautifully angsty and painful.
    re: THANK YOU! when i saw your name i was like, "DOODLENINJA!" i haven't heard from you in forever

    3 months ago
  • In Which Yaya Writes

    *sighs* Is it wrong that this made me worry about you? Anyway, this is absolutely amazing. The first one is kinda funny and light but it progressed to really sad. Great piece!
    Replying: Thanks! That book means a lot to me and I'm glad I did it justice.

    3 months ago

    phew. this is really good- three hits hard in a good way. "you would smile at them forever." my heart cried a lil at this, ya know? I totally relate and the simplicity was the perfect way to put it.

    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    hey i just found myself back here and reading this again was still as amazing as the first time. especially three and four - both of those hit hard. :)) just wanted to say this is beautiful, every single time i read it :))

    3 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: thank you so much!! I put a lot of effort into it, so I’m glad that you like it!! :D now I just need someone to sing in in Korean for me!
    And yes, it’s such a neat song! And okay, cool! I’m kinda still trying to decide, but maybe Jin? Although Suga and Jungkook..... I’m still trying to decide for sure. How did you pick?

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Heyo! What up? I just wanted to tell you thanks again for the BTS song recommendations; I listened to several of them already and I love Life Goes On so much! Also, do you have a favorite BTS member?

    4 months ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    The moon was at it's peak, casting long shadows through the woods. Lulling whispers reach your ear from the depths of the trees, but you can't quite make out the words. Out of the corner of your vision, a flicker. A flicker of darkness dancing along the abandoned hunting path next to you. You nock an arrow, sighting before releasing. The shadow yelped and darted away, but something remained pinned to the ground via your arrow. You scurry closer to see what it is. It's a piece of a dark brown cloak. At first it seems ordinary, but when you take a closer look, you realize that embroidered into the cloth is a link

    But what mysteries might it reveal unto you?

    4 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: Sometimes I forget my username when others ask if im ARMY XD

    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ahh so good... love this <3

    4 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: YESSSS ARMY(im guessing) BTW loved your footnotes:3:3

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: ah, thanks so much!!!

    4 months ago
  • ~rain~

    iii definitely is so me... calls me out as well... lol. i have heard some BTS songs, not very many tho.

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: oh wow! That’s interesting! Thank you! Yup, I’m still working on my knowledge a bit... I’m curious: how old are the BTS members?

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: haha, awesome! Thank you so much! Actually, I’ve not listened to those! I only found out about BTS recently, so I’m still trying to figure out more about them. And their names and stuff too... XD the only ones I can remember right off are Suga and RM (am I right with those?!) I’d love any info in them if you’re willing to share! Thank you so much!
    And I love Dynamite! It’s so fun and upbeat!

    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Ooh this is really good. iii totally called me out lol.

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: thank you!!
    And haha, really? Wow! If I may ask, do you have any favorite songs of theirs? I’m taking suggestions, XD

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Wow... this is so well written and kinda heartbreaking...
    I also love the BTS reference in the footnotes! *smiles because she is a recent ARMY and still trying to figure everything about BTS out*

    4 months ago