United States

Wannabe polyglot

~Old friends fade away; Starlight at the break of day; Never forget them~

Sanderson, Tolkien, Nielson, Messenger, Rothfuss, Sullivan

Message to Readers

I'm not the only one. I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. Everyone dies, so remember to live, and live well. I'm not gonna tell you to live like each day is your last, because that makes people forget the consequences of their actions. But remember that there are people out there who will think of you and miss you. Give them a good life to miss.

Memento Mori, Memento Vivere

January 9, 2021


"I'm sorry for your loss." That's what people say to you when someone you know dies. It's not my loss, really. We were close for a while, and we still write (wrote?) to each other sometimes. But she moved away three years ago (I cried then, like I'm crying now) and I haven't seen her since. I'll never see her now; at least not on this earth. It feels selfish of me to claim her as 'my loss'. I know some things about her: I know about the series she was writing; I know some of her favorite books; I know how much she loved dancing. Now I see the opportunity to know so much more that I never will. If only I had written more often... If only I had pushed to see her... If only... If... 
Why? What purpose did her death serve? Why this pointless sorrow for someone who should've lived many long years? She'll never get to hug her family, never dance again, never go to college. She won't even graduate middle school. 
I'll never get another letter from her about the next KotLC book. I'll never get to theorize about what happens next... I'll never drink another cup of hot chocolate with her and her family. 
I can't help but wonder when I'll get the next "bad news". Two years ago, I lost a friend to a car accident. Now I lost her. What if it's my family next? My siblings? My parents? Me? Who will cry if I die? My family, my friends. Out of the people I knew at school, which ones would remember my face, my name?
Did it hurt when she died? Did she know what was happening? Was she scared? Did her mom hug her and tell her it would be all right? 
I guess she's not scared now. No, it's the people left behind that death affects. Even the ones that haven't seen her in three years, like me.
I found out today that one of my close friends from when I was younger just died. I don't know why. She was younger than me, I think, by a couple of months. Maybe she was older. I can't remember now. It's funny how that happens. People move away and you think of them every so often until you either forget or something makes you remember. She never responded to my last letter. Maybe she didn't get it. Maybe she forgot, like I so often do. I have her email written on a little card, right next to her address, but I've never used it. I should've. Now I never will get the chance. I thought about writing a letter to her recently. Would she have gotten it before she died? Would it have made her smile? Most of you are complete strangers, but somehow that makes it easier to write about. It's a broken world we live in, where children die. I know I'm not alone in thinking that. 


See History

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

  • FastOceanLove

    You are not alone! You will get through this, so aunt died a couple weeks ago and I was sad for days, not knowing her well I didn't know if it was my right to cry, and my cousins, her kids, should have the right. But then I realized everyone can feel what they feel. I don't want to say I'm sorry for your loss, because it doesn't change anything and I was mad myself when people said that, but if it helps, sorry for your loss.

    about 2 months ago
  • In Which Yaya Writes

    I'm definitely not tearing up. Nope. This is so sad. I love how you wrote this so practical and do the point. It makes it seem so much deeper. I am sorry she died. But we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purposes. And I love that title. Beautiful.

    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    <3 my prayers to you, and to everyone who loves her and misses her <3 this is such a heartbreaking piece. wow. all my love <3

    about 2 months ago
  • Cosmogyral

    Death is natural is as natural as the act of living. It is in our nature to be selfish to the longevity of another's life. The loss of a person isn't personal, it is deep, and cutting, but not a loss, they just aren't there. You'll have memories, they'll be distant, and you feel like you are forgetting them, but that is the clouding of grief, because you still hear their voice, at every moment. And it is suffocating. No one after a loss is alone, they are lonely. Cherish her, and yourself.

    about 2 months ago