Anne Blackwood

United States

16
Christian
Theatre kid
Singer (soprano)
Poet
Twin (fraternal)
Spoonie
Disfusive
Highly Sensitive Person
Living oxymoron
Kindness Krusader: Blueberry cotton candy
XXFJ, Melancholic-Sanguine, ambivert

Joined 1/16/20

Message to Readers

Hey, so there have been a lot of well-meaning comments on this piece. And I appreciate every single one of you who's tried to encourage me. But there's something I think I need to address.
I say this with no spite at all, but please don't tell me that you can relate to my fatigue or other symptoms. Unless you have a chronic illness too (or some other major thing like that)... you can't. It's okay if you can't relate to everything about me.
And one more thing: I'm not going to "get better". Chronic illnesses don't just go away... Yes, I'm hoping for more treatment, but I'm already doing almost everything possible. I might improve a little bit, but my basic symptoms are almost definitely here for good. So when you all keep saying that you hope I will feel better soon... It hurts. Because I desperately want to get better, but it's just not healthy to keep acting like I will.
Again, I'm not mad at anyone. I just wanted to say this so that you know. Because I know you're all doing your best to support me just like I'm doing my best to support myself and others.

running out of spoons (message board?)

January 9, 2021

FREE WRITING

22

and i don't want to choose between health and
satisfaction; accomplishment
friends or future or function
this music is too loud
i think i'll turn it up
Three cheers for incoherent rants! Hip hip... Pain! Hip hip... Insane! Hip hip... Complain!

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  • January 9, 2021 - 11:59am (Now Viewing)

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36 Comments
  • one hundred forty-seven

    Re: Yeah. I'm not sure if it came through in the piece, but it was all me reminiscing; wondering if I'd lost my love for writing, or if I'd just been hiding from life for too long. It could be that my long confinement (I basically spend 21 hours of the day in my bedroom kid you not) that's making me long to just be free. "Writing" about wonderful things just isn't cutting it any more. I'm feeling the need to actually live life. It could be that I've truly fallen out of love with writing, but if I have, it's because I've fallen out of love with life. The latter will return, and perhaps the former will also. Only time will tell.
    Also, what did you mean when you said I don't owe you anything? I didn't catch your meaning.


    about 2 months ago
  • one hundred forty-seven

    Re: Yes, the piece is autobiographical. Thanks for the like and comment! I really appreciate the support!


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying: ah thank you so much!


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying:thank you<3


    about 2 months ago
  • Ezinne Clare

    Your footnote though


    about 2 months ago
  • Ezinne Clare

    Re: I was honestly very honoured to see your comment on my piece...and thank you. I just feel she's going through a lot mentally, even though she doesn't say anything. But thank you for your prayers..I appreciate you Anne!


    about 2 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: thanksss! ahaha, glad I'm not alone XD


    about 2 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Ty :D (and also, that's totally fine. I want you to know I'm here for you, in the ups and downs, and when you're feeling great and feeling crap. Even if we may not get better in this life, it will all come to an end. We can do it <3)


    about 2 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Welp, it's done now! I think it went well, but there's like 50 people auditioning, and only 16 get in, so I don't really have high hopes. I'll tell you if I do get in!
    (also, I'm so sorry you're feeling this. My sister has chronic fatigue, and I know how hard it is for her. She honestly struggles every day of her life, and it's horrible. Now, I don't know what you're feeling, but I have been sick for pretty much 4 years straight. And it really takes a toll on you. My sickness has ended in weight gain (hooray), and made it practically impossible for me to lose it (double hooray), so I'm sorry you're feeling like this. But, just think, in Heaven, it'll be all the better, because we'll all be healthy!)


    about 2 months ago
  • almost flora kane

    re: no, actually i had no idea what that meant until i just looked it up, sorry! i simply thought of it literally and liked the idea, so i'm glad i now know what "spoonie" or "spoons" might refer to:) hope you're having a good day!


    about 2 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Ayyyy I did my audition today! :D


    about 2 months ago
  • FastOceanLove

    New writer, thought sexist stuff at school was hard. Just joined this, read your message think I should just shut my trap now. You are SO AMAZING!!!!! I will never complain about being sent to the office for calling out my sexist teacher for calling on the boys in math, don't know if that's mean or anything or offensive sorry if it is. I love your blog just started following don't know if this is a good time but I'd love if you read some of my published stuff (though there's not much yet) :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: love ya too, Blue! <333 thanks for being an awesome WtW mom!


    about 2 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Re: Of course. You are such a pure human being! So glad I found you and followed you. Means so much to me when you check out some of my work.


    about 2 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Hey Anne I just wanted to say that you are so strong and an encouragement to me. Thank you for being real about your illness. God has a plan for you and you are already changing lives on here. If you ever need to talk you have a friend in me. I might not understand but I do care very much. I love reading your writing you are so very talented.


    about 2 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: *hugs* thank you. And thank you about the piece.
    I’m so thankful you’re here and I get the chance to have you as a friend, Blue.


    about 2 months ago
  • Emi

    Praying for you. You are honestly the strongest person I know and I am in awe of your courage, Anne.


    about 2 months ago
  • madeline3.14159

    please know that so man prayers are coming your way. <3 sending virtual hugs and chocolate.


    about 2 months ago
  • mindfruit

    Re: thank you! I just read your message board, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that this was referencing your chronic illness. hope I didn't offend you in any way. for me, I don't have any chronic illness, it's just that currently the whole choosing between accomplishment friends future or function is where I'm at. I've just been really busy and there's a lot going on in my mind rn lol.


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying: <3<3


    about 2 months ago
  • books4life

    re: oh no! i'm so sorry! i do have anxiety but i know that's not the same. you are an amazing writer and i always love reading your pieces! :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Oh, Anne! I’m so sorry if we’ve made you feel this way! I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I guess all I can say is that I’m always here if you need anything .... sending virtual hugs


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    oh no i'm sorry! i didn't mean to say i hope your illness would get better, because, like you said, chronic illnesses don't just disappear. i meant to tell you i hope you'd feel better, like, short-term. i hope you'll get a bit of a reprieve. i'm so, so sorry for saying something that hurt you :( love you, dear <3

    re: *hugs you back for a long, long time*


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    oh anne i'm so sorry.i didn't mean that i related to your illness's symptoms,i just meant that i know it's hard when things don't go the way you'de like.i'm sorry if that made you feel worse or offended.i wasn't thinking that you can't get better,i'm so sorry i didn't mean to hurt you.i'll think things through before i write anything next time.


    about 2 months ago
  • Zirong

    wow I really love "this music is too loud/i think i'll turn it up". This piece is lovely! :)


    about 2 months ago
  • birthdaycandles

    Re: Yes! It’s so entertaining reading childhood writings lol. I started writing a story when I was 8 or 9 about a talking cherry tree ahaha Please do see if there’s any of your old diary entries you’d like to share! I have a couple other old entries that are quite funny myself, maybe I might publish another after a while! They’re so much fun to read I think!


    about 2 months ago
  • books4life

    wow---this is simply relatable. feel free to pop in my comments & let the rants flow (i totally understand :) ) *why does that look like a double chin and not a smiley face and a parenthesis i---


    about 2 months ago
  • happygiggles

    This is gorgeous, and full of raw emotion! My heart goes out to you. It's completely okay to rant, it's much better to do that than let it all bubble and boil under the surface! Also- that last line, wowzers, I loved it! Music always helps whenever I feel down too xD

    I'm not sure which denomination of Christianity you are, and don't feel you have to tell me, I understand that some people like to keep that sort of thing private! I'm a Catholic and we, as a Religion, have great faith in The Virgin Mary, therefore I'll make sure to say a Rosary for you this week! I'll also pray through St. Julianna Falconieri, The Patron Saint of chronic illnesses , for you! (:

    Sending virtual hugs from about 4000 miles away! :D


    about 2 months ago
  • Rose A

    Honestly, this is relatable and wonderful at the same time. Great job as always. Hope things get better for you! :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    All my prayers, love, all my prayers. This is so emotional and I just-

    I hope it gets better <3


    about 2 months ago
  • abby.a

    "this music is too loud
    i think i'll turn it up" this HIT SO HARD. whenever i feel down i just blast my ears with music. does it help? well.... i like to think it does. this piece is so relatable. i hope your well, sending love <33


    about 2 months ago
  • mindfruit

    wow, I didn't realized I felt this way until I read this. great piece!
    Re: thank you so much mum!
    and here's a response to a comment from a month ago - ugh shame on me for not responding sooner...
    of course! and yep, I guess this is what it's like to have a guy friend ~shrugs~ cool!


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    *pray


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying: oh,then i'm so honoured<3 aww anne i'm so sorry,i hope things better.i can completely relate,when life doesn't go how you want,it can be so painful.i hope it gets better.i'm going to sleep soon so i will prey for you<3


    about 2 months ago
  • almost flora kane

    i love this, it's definitely relatable and my favorite lines are the last two. i'm such a sucker for a jam session with some music. plus, the title is soooo good. that's what brought me to this piece. re: thanks so much for the comments, i'm so glad you liked it and saying that it sounded poetic meant so much to me.


    about 2 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    i love this.hope things are good,i know things get rough.ohh okay lol i always see you commenting that you're bookmarking things on other peoples pieces and i was like why don't i do that? lol


    about 2 months ago