Paisley Blue

United States

they/them | 6.2.2020
genderfluid | christian

the sound of rain

Message to Readers

feedback, please :)

i don't need you (please stay)

January 6, 2021

FREE WRITING

17
                               1.

you don’t haunt me, anymore; the yellow pansies
    in my garden have forgotten your name, but
        not your touch. and somewhere in there,

i think there’s a metaphor for forgiveness. lost love
    tangles around my ankles like linen bedsheets,
        dreaming of you when i can’t help but lament
            the loss of everything i thought i cared for.

there’s more than you, i know, but
    i’m still picking my heart up off of the floor;
    let me be, let me be, let me be. don’t 
        linger out of sight any more.


                                2.

have you ever seen the moon, lingering in the morning’s blue sky?
    it holds on to its throne as long as it can, but
        finally, it fades away.

i’m in the stage of fading; letting go tastes like waking up
    after a bad dream.


                                3.

and it’s when i hear (our song) that i am reminded
of all the memories we never made - no
dancing in the moonlight,
    talking until the sun comes up,
    no toothbrushes in the bathroom or
    reminding me to lock the door.

i mourn what could have been almost more than
what was.


                                 4.

my love - where have you been?
   
            and how dare you come back?


                                 5.

I lay, on my back, resting on a field of green. the clouds
    ignore my motionless form - they don’t mind
        being watched. the grass is soft, and
            whispers secrets to me.

my mind wanders above the blue sky, to a place where you
    dance, beckoning me to join you.

i’m sorry, i’m sorry - i’m stuck here on the ground. wait for me-
    
    wait for me.


                                6.

i hear your voice in my head, late at night,
    and the stars look down on my crumpled form
        it’s times like then when i can’t bear to stay strong
            it’s times like then when i’m full of regret.

darling, i know, i know. we’ve been down this road, and
    it ends with my broken heart. but hear me out -
        what if it could be different this time?

i guess hope is what makes my wounds sting. but tell me, love,
    when you see the moon, do you still think of me?
        because no matter how i try,
            i can’t seem to forget.

darling, i don’t need you.

                                        (please stay)

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  • January 6, 2021 - 4:00pm (Now Viewing)

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21 Comments
  • Caleb Urlacher

    re: thank you very much. I'll check them all out.


    4 months ago
  • Caleb Urlacher

    re: yes please. as long as they accept poetry that'd be cool :) thank you


    4 months ago
  • Caleb Urlacher

    re: i'm not even sure if that would make a clink now i'm curious.

    also did you ever get your works on other sites?


    4 months ago
  • Caleb Urlacher

    re: heck yeah lol. being rejected is a good thing. my favorite non-alcoholic drink (not that I've ever had alcohol to begin with) is egg cream. so i will clink my commemorative plastic pepsi center cup to that.
    and hope you are doing good as well!


    4 months ago
  • Caleb Urlacher

    lol just got rejected by a website that publishes. this is an epic moment because all good artists get rejected


    4 months ago
  • Melancholy Celestial

    ell, you never cease to amaze me, but this just reads..... UGHHHH I can't even words. I would pick a stanza to put here and rave about, but then I would have to Ctr-C Crl-V the whole poem. Nevereverever stop writing!


    4 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    "the yellow pansies in my garden have forgotten your name, but not your touch" iddndjhs beautiful.

    "i’m in the stage of fading; letting go tastes like waking up after a bad dream" this is so painful and powerful. this pieces is gorgeous and you should be proud of it.
    replying: awww thank you<3


    4 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    hey it's me! so for the #januarygifting after i read yours i was going to do mine when i replied but i wanted to do it properly so.your work is always so pretty and truthful and seeing your writing evolve over the time you've been here has been incredible.hopefully this year i can read more of your work.
    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for always being there for me and for always being SO supportive.you always make me feel better when i'm down about my work.your comments and support are so encouraging and so so so so appreciated.you're such a loving,kind,supportive and positive presence on this site.you bring so much happiness here,it wouldn't be the same without you.thank you for everything,angel<3


    4 months ago
  • sunny.v

    okay, here goes! januarygifting and my thank you comment? thank you for always inspiring to be better. the way you've always treated me as an older sister or someone to root for has saved me on more days than you know. you're always so, so kind, and im honored to have seen your writing grow, especially into something as lovely as it is now. i dont come here often anymore since i feel like many of those i used to talk to have migrated, and im a tad shy when it comes to being in a sea of new faces. nonetheless, you're always so bright and brilliant when i do log on. stay safe, please. and stay bright! love you always, as a sort of big sister to her little sibling!! <3 thank you for being you.


    4 months ago
  • ~wildflower~

    Re: wow, you have a typewriter???! That’s so exciting! I’m curious: what do you do with the pieces once you’ve typed them up? Are you planning to make a book or share them in some way, or just basking in the pure joy of the typewriter at the moment? I can’t blame you for not publishing here as much - I’d definitely be the same if I were in your shoes.
    I’ve actually stepped away from wtw a bit lately too. Recently I’ve started to feel like I’m writing and publishing solely for the compliments and gratification, so I’ve been trying to get back to the core of why I write by distancing myself a little.
    I’m going well, thanks! I’m mid way through my big summer holidays break from school at the moment and it’s been really refreshing to have a break and see some family who I haven’t seen for a while. Sorry for the drawn-out response!! I’m glad your new year’s started well <33


    4 months ago
  • mirkat

    re: thank you so much-- i'll put some of those on hold at my library. can't wait to read them! and thanks for your comments!
    <3<3<3


    4 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    i love the formatting on this! it looks like clouds. and that ending? wow, you sure know how to craft a build-up. i'm in awe of this piece.
    re: thank you so much for the kind comments! i didn't specifically choose greek for any reason, i just found the word "eleutheromania" and it had ancient greek origins, so that's what i decided to use. and i'm absolutely fascinated by ancient greece, i suppose.


    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Ooh this is such a gorgeous vessel of quiet aching (harsh pain).
    "and it’s when i hear (our song) that i am reminded
    of all the memories we never made"
    I'm such a sucker for that concept that I literally wrote a whole song about it in 8th grade, but you've written it more effectively in one stanza than I did in every line.
    "the clouds
    ignore my motionless form - they don’t mind
    being watched."
    Hmm there's something about that that I just adore.


    4 months ago
  • mirkat

    re: hey ell! yeah, mir is fine! only my mom and one of my friends call me that and it reminds me of sitting in the garden at my old school and talking with the corn husks (wow that sounds so weird when i type it out like that... i just mean that me and my friend would hang out there and in the late fall and winter the corn in the garden would be dried and it would tussle in the wind and i guess mir makes me feel sentimental). anyway, yes call me mir! and no, i haven't read much poetry, just leaves of grass and half of slyvia plath's ariel which was okay... i don't really like slyvia plath's style but she did have a tragic life that really influenced her poems. i also just finished reading the poet x which is a novel in verse... it made me cry and laugh and think. i highly recommend it-- i think you'll love it. it's so impactful and i finished it in one day. anyway, thank you for recommending mary oliver! i read a few of her poems online just now and i really love her style. you can tell there's something beyond the words and i think each one holds a different meaning depending on your perspective. do you have any other book recs?
    <3<3<3


    4 months ago
  • xx carolina xx

    re: ppst thank u it's a manet painting i luv yours too


    4 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    Re: omg ty XD <3


    4 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    this is
    S T U N N I N G .
    "and it’s when i hear (our song) that i am reminded / of all the memories we never made - no / dancing in the moonlight, / talking until the sun comes up, / no toothbrushes in the bathroom or / reminding me to lock the door.
    i mourn what could have been almost more than / what was."


    4 months ago
  • mirkat

    "and somewhere in there,/ i think there’s a metaphor for forgiveness. lost love/ tangles around my ankles like linen bedsheets,"
    "i’m in the stage of fading; letting go tastes like waking up/after a bad dream."
    "i mourn what could have been almost more than/what was."
    these lines just made me scream inside-- in a good way! like i felt the emotion and it made me restless inside but i loved it because i could feel every single word. so impactful! personally, 1 is my fav because it kinda highlights inner struggle more than the rest of them. 6 is the perfect ending... 2 and 5 i didn't breathe. overall this is amazing-- i don't even know how you craft these words... reading this felt like jumping into a cold pool almost. you brace yourself but nothing can prepare you for the cold shock of the water. then you get used to it slowly but surely but there is still discomfort. the end just made me ache. and i love how you focus on the multitudes... like our old walt whitman said "do i contradict myself? good, i contain multitudes." or something like that, that's not verbatim! alright love have a great day!
    <3<3<3


    4 months ago
  • rwong

    also this piece is BEAUTIFULLLL omygoodness the metaphors and descriptions are on point and it's so full of heartbreak and emotion. i echo everything abby.a said, but i think my favorite would have to be number 1, because the descriptions are chilling yet so full of longing at the same time.


    4 months ago
  • rwong

    re: yea i can see mirkat being a full range of purples. like how she can be super serious and have a deep conversation with you but also really light and funny and humorous, at the other end of the spectrum? she's awesome though, regardless :)
    have a great day!!


    4 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    OOOOOOOOOO i love the formatting! it's so unique, and it adds a lot to the story! the emotions are heat wrenching and so well done. i feel like i can see through the narrators eyes, like i am experiencing these emotions myself- even as someone who never really has. i think personally, my favorite was number 5, just because with the italicized parts it adds a lot of inner turmoil and almost an urgent feeling. it really helped add a change of pace! this piece is genuinely terrific! well done :]


    4 months ago