SunV

India

she/her

est. 11/10/19

history has its eyes on you.

Message from Writer

lavender's green (dilly dilly) lavender's blue,
if you love me (dilly dilly) i will love you.

the end of our days (Sequel to Jupiter and Saturn)

January 30, 2021

FREE WRITING

5
jupiter, i love you so
why won't you love me too
jupiter, i love you more than all the stars in the sky

more than all the planets in the galaxy
jupiter, how can't you love me
I have chased after you for 800 years
i have fought the planets so i can be yours

jupiter, please come back, stay with me,
don't go away, i won't agree
we were meant to be

jupiter, the stars are watching, they know that we belong
the sun is shining, the planets are moving
they are making way for you to come


saturn, i love you so
i know you love me too
you are prettier than all the stars in the sky

all the planets in the galaxy
bow down for you and me
saturn, i have tried to wait for you
all the planets know that i belong to you

saturn, i wanna come back, to stay with you,
but i must go away, even if i love you so
know that you're my home

saturn, i can see the stars, glaring at me as i move away
the sun is blinding me, the planets hate me
for leaving you in this state

but please saturn, you must understand
i cannot come home


it has been written in the stars
i can see it written in the stars
we're simply two halves
waiting to be whole once more

but saturn, i have a lot to do
jupiter, please, i love you
800 years isn't long if you survive
800 years is too long without you and I

and once i come back,
we'll watch the universe collapse,
and once you come back,
we'll watch the skies turn to black,
we'll witness the end of time,
while it slowly leaves us behind


jupiter, it's fine you can go
i'll be waiting for you
sometimes, if you feel afraid

listen to this song i wrote
take in every single note
i'll be here, floating in the Milky Way

till the end of our days


 
saturn
jupiter
both


So, this is a song based on the great conjunction that occurred in December. I originally wanted it to be my submission for the songwriting competition, but it sounded too childish, and I felt it was better left a poem. Hence, this was born.

I would love review on it!

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  • January 30, 2021 - 9:48am (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • remi'sgotinkstains

    and I agree with hold on to the memories; a way to make it sound less "childish" would be to take out a few of the saturns and jupiters


    3 months ago
  • remi'sgotinkstains

    love the last stanza!!! unfortunately, i've had this peeve against Jupiter since I was a little girl . . . but I still loved the poem!!! ;)


    3 months ago
  • Shivona

    AH I am so in love with this, the images you create with this?? and the beautiful autonomy feelings!? Just wonderful, you have so much talent and passion!
    PS thank you sm for commenting on my post, you're amazing! means smmm :)


    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    Or maybe replace a few of the names with darling?


    3 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    This is so so so pretty. More than pretty. This would be a beautiful song, like sleeping at last vibes. I don’t think it’s childish at all. But if you do, one way to make it more “mature” or maybe more general is to take out a few Jupiter and Saturn mentions and leave it more vague. So at first, it could sound like any two lovers talking.


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Omigosh thank you so much! *tries not to cry*


    3 months ago