Yellow Sweater

United States

Zinnia | she/her | bi | agnostic | 18 | WA

2021-2022 Seattle Youth Poet Laureate

Elitist Atlantic Subscriber (jk, but I do think the Atlantic does some awsome journalism)

I don't necessarily agree with my own assertions

Message from Writer

I like spaceships, temples, and tea.

Some of my favorite poets and poet-adjacent-people: Federico Garcia Lorca, Ocean Vuong, Annie Dillard, Italo Calvino, Arundhati Roy, Michael Ondaatje, Becky Chambers, Pablo Neruda... The list goes on.

I am on here way too much.

My book is out next June! It feels wonderful to be able to say that with such certainty!

There are so many excellent writers on this site, but if you are new and looking for a place to start, check out: Paisley Blue, aosora, wishtree, aismic, Starlitskies, R.j.Elsewhere, amaryllis, .. ugh there are so many more....

Building with Pebbles

April 18, 2021

Some time ago, when I was young but conscious, my parents showed me a picture of my first snow. I was wrapped in a green blanket and wearing a strawberry hat. My mom held me close to her chest, but my eyes were wide open. 

The present is always influencing the past. I like to think that I remember what it was like to be that little baby, enthralled and in harmony with the world around it, unremembering. I like to think I know what it was to be alive. But the truth is I only have my own preconceptions, my own extrapolations, taken from that photograph. I have only the desire to be desireless, to live in a world full of fresh snow.

My first authentic memory is actually of filling myself with desires, of becoming human. 

When I was two or three, I would sit on the porch, wedging pebbles into the cracks between planks. When the stones didn’t fit, I bruised the wood. To fill every tiny gap was the very first goal I remember setting. I think the emptiness bothered me. 

I would examine each dusty pebble before finding it a place. I would rub it between my oily fingers. I would hold it to my mouth. It smelled like determination. 

Children, almost awake, have a certain gluttony. When we are young we require things to make sense. And we are content defying logic to avoid uncertainty. 

I never mended my porch of imperfection. But I can still feel the ache, the tangible thrill of an impossible project, of methodical faith. 
I combined an old piece and a new piece! The first half is new the second half is old. 

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6 Comments
  • useless :)

    wow
    this is incredible! you were able to take such meaningful ideas and phrase them in beautiful ways..."and we are content defying logic to avoid uncertainty." so true.
    not to mention how you packed so many profound lines into one piece. i love the ending, too!


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    Wow this is so true- I remember doing the same thing as well with sticking the stones in holes. I love how you describe the rocks as smelling of determination, it really aids your case later on! And also these two pieces work so well together- I never would have thought one was originally different!
    Ooh also, if you have time could you check out my latest post called “Bubbles”. I’m not really sure what I think about it yet haha and I always trust your logic!


    5 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    WOW


    5 months ago
  • Sophiascb

    Bruh I'm actually obsessed with all of your pieces. You have such a unique voice that shines through everything you write. My favorite line- "When we are young we require things to make sense," because it's so true and I've never thought about that.


    5 months ago
  • elliem

    The second paragraph?!?! Is amazing?!?! You’re not kidding when you say you’re an intellectual, because...wow. You’re literally such an incredible writer; I’m shocked by each and every one of your pieces. Also, how do you just think of such deep and profound things, and on top of that, find ways to write them into such coherent, fluid words? I’m jealous as heck. :(

    Anyway, I hope you’re having a most wonderful day, and keep up the (amazing) writing! :)


    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    "when I was young but conscious,"
    "The present is always influencing the past."
    "I have only the desire to be desireless, to live in a world full of fresh snow.

    My first authentic memory is actually of filling myself with desires, of becoming human."
    "Children, almost awake, have a certain gluttony."
    So many stunning lines in an incredible piece... I'm in awe.


    5 months ago