mirkat

United States

she/her│infp-a
est. 10/15/20

"take me with you, finished thing"
"too dizzying to love anywhere
but from a distance"

have an ineffable day!

<3<3<3

Message from Writer

thanks to paisley blue, rwong, wisp, and crystalline galaxies for all the love and support.

scribble chums with remi'sgotinkstains, useless :), and Starlitskies.

i think i'm a broken umbrella?

take a deep breath and
let tomorrow dissolve
into today;

// glitch

December 25, 2020

FREE WRITING

12

walk ahead/ ahead/ out of earshot/ out of eyeshot/ cause’ you can’t shoot me down when i’m out of sight/ and i won’t explode if i don’t hear you/ and your blatant lies/ and observations/ because it’s all too much/ too much/ when i can’t think/ and you’re droning on trying to make conversation/ rude i know/ but sometimes i can’t trouble myself to care/ and i know there’s something wrong/ with me when i run away/ away from you and your accusations/ and i know you’re just trying to help/ but i’m beyond help okay/ beyond the point of no return/ where i don’t know if i’m up or down left or right/
//
all that’s clear is that the sound coming out of your mouth is/ too much/ and the silence is/ deafening/ so i need to go away now/ away from my head and my body/ where i can let the tears of relief fall in the stillness around me/ and not feel the push of gravity threatening to turn me inside out/ ‘what’s wrong?’/ ‘nothing’/ everything/ i can’t even begin to describe/ or understand/ or talk/ or think/ not with the sound coming out of your mouth/ not with the countless ‘how do you feel on a scale of one to tens’/ no i need to be alone/ 
//
alone where the silence glides over my body/ smooth silk on my rough skin/ a filter in my head protecting me from the noise/ the noise going on and on unrelenting/ this and that i know it’s/ nothing but it feels like everything/ under the sun under the moon running rampant throughout the galaxy/ nothing and everything colliding in my mind/ until it becomes meaningless but somehow i’m crying/ and it’s not releif/ no this is deeper than that/ in my blood my rancid breathe the stale air that i choke down/ ‘how do i feel’/ how about a negative 10/ 
//
because i’m drowning and i’m incapable of screaming/ the water is rushing in too fast/ and coughing up the lies isn’t working anymore/ fine/ i’m fine/ but i never believe anything i think or say because it only ends in disaster/ disaster/ need to go away/ get away/ out/ out/ now/ closing in/ in/ and i can’t move/ and the water’s crashing in/ and i have this scream/ this scream that started long ago/ longer than i care to remember/ inside the marrow of my bones/ inside my mind/ my mind/ i’m out of my mind/ i need to get out of my mind/ 
//
the water’s flooding in/ i can’t hold on/ and then that blissful moment under the waves/ hair suspended above me in the murky depths/ i stare my future in the eye/ obscured by mist/ on the bottom of the ocean floor/ static in my ears/ steady clicks and dips of/ the gray space in between silence and the noise/ the noise/ but now it’s static/ and  i don’t know how to return/ but the ocean knows what she’s doing/ coughing me up/ i return to nothing/ and it is everything/ 
 
inspired by both of crystalline•galaxies pieces: "sensoryoverload" and "so this is what happens when your mind is full of Nothing and Everything all at once". i took components from each and weaved some of my own craft into it... but please check out the original pieces, they will blow your mind and you won't have any words for a while.
the reminder on tuffy's first piece is so important: it's okay to break down once in a while. all of this? it's a lot. being strong, being fine is sometimes too much and that's okay. glitches happen and sometimes it sucks but people are there to support you. 
it was so good to write this and get all my anger and loneliness and whatnot out of my system. i'm good now! i've got high highs and low lows and that's just the way it is. i've come to accept it, even embrace it, because it gives me perspective and i love that. so this is a long piece and a long spiel but there ya go! have a wonderful day and holiday season!
<3<3<3
 

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  • December 25, 2020 - 4:42pm (Now Viewing)

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18 Comments
  • Charisse Marison

    This made me tear up. It transported me to back when quarantine started and I ended up turning off my camera so I could cry. Thank you so much for writing this, I needed it <3


    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ok i swear i liked this already but... well, i'm here now, and believe me, it was just as amazing the second time! i don't have words, so. i'm sorry. but this is absolutely stunning and beautiful and i'm gonna cry! wow. love your work so much <333


    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Bsjdgvsjheby janxhienshirbdydyhd. Isbskdhhe xidnbdgdbcysh?!!!!

    Wowowowowowowowowowwwwwww.....
    This is indescribable.

    That first part was sad, and then it got worse and the pace seemed to just quicken as I was reading. It was so fast and intense, and the climax.... and then it calmed. This. Is. Amazing. Please, go find a competition to enter this in?!


    4 months ago
  • lochnessie

    HELLO MIR I'M ON THE BLOG
    and this is rEALLY REALLY GOOD
    LIKE REALLY


    4 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: okay, i'm finally back (terribly sorry about the long wait, i try not to do that too often).
    first of all -- wow. your comment made me so happy, like i can't even express how much it meant to me to hear those kind words. i'm so intrigued by the choice you made in telling me your favorite quote -- i hadn't really even payed attention to it before, but focusing on it was really interesting. i'm so glad you found it somewhat relatable as well, as i usually try to do that with my pieces while at the same time making it specific to me (something i also love to compliment others on when i see it done well). and it feels so good to have somebody to relate to so strongly with those feelings of mild depression (if you can call it that) and insomnia. it's like a warm, fuzzy blanket. i'm also terribly sorry about your confusion with feelings. sometimes, i personally believe that it isn't humanly possible to know everything about ourselves and what we're feeling at any given point. we aren't put here to try to figure ourselves out for hours on end, we're here to live and to experience and to take all of that confusion in our stride, seeing what we can do with it. everything in this world is confusing and strange and scary, but there's always really good things as well, and that's what makes the human experience so rich.


    5 months ago
  • Wisp

    Replying: I hadn’t even noticed that! But now that you say that, I realize that I do use that word a lot when I write comments. Just one of my mannerisms when it comes to comments I suppose haha, that and it’s my comfort word :))
    And no dearie! That wasn’t weird at all, it was actually really sweet of you to notice that and I couldn’t resist but smile when I read your comment. And I totally get what you mean when you said it made me sound more human than just this stranger on the internet.
    And your sweet words!!! Ahh, what a wonderful comment to read on Christmas Day!! You’re the absolute sweetest and you definitely brought a smile to my face! :)))
    Merry Christmas to you and I hope you have a lovely day today mirkat!!!


    5 months ago
  • rwong

    re: me? hmm pretty boring for me, just ate breakfast, practiced piano, ate lunch, and watched the new disney+ movie Soul with some friends over zoom (it's really heavy but reallllyyyy good!) celebrating hanukkah sounds really fun! i've never really experienced it but it's fascinating to me :) anyway have an amazing holiday season <3 <3


    5 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    re: merry christmas to you as well :) <3


    5 months ago
  • rwong

    ok i just hopped by to say merry christmas, if you celebrate!! if not, happy holidays <3


    5 months ago
  • rwong

    reeee: i'm guessing the reason is cause it has sex scenes/drugs/smoking?? if so, understandable but it's still good XD oh and i'm working through his books right now; the only book my school library had was "turtles all the way down" so i had to get the others from the public library so now a bunch are on hold and i can't read them until they say they're ready for pickup :( but yessss we needddd to nerd together and be weird/cool, i don't really know which ;D i'll definitely check out his podcast soon, but not yet!! i'll let you know when i do though.
    have an amazingggg day/christmas eve/christmas!! <3 <3 (p.s. i know we're back in lockdown at least my county is but are you planning to do anything fun?)


    5 months ago
  • doodleninja

    those last few phrases hit so hard, I LOVE IT "but the ocean knows what she’s doing/ coughing me up/ i return to nothing/ and it is everything/"
    wonderful writing as always!


    5 months ago
  • The Inky Writer

    I really enjoyed reading this. The format of the piece worked tremendously. Happy Christmas! :)


    5 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: thank you so much!! I feel the same way!! <333333333


    5 months ago
  • Wisp

    First, both wonderful pieces to take inspiration from and you totally did them both justice.
    Second, this is absolutely stunning dear! I love the slashes and the whole flow of it. You definitely captured that feeling of wanting to escape and just get away from it all, including getting away from yourself too. And this hits so hard, and gosh does it resonate. You've captured this feeling that I'm sure that most have felt in its truest and most raw state and gosh do you show that so well.
    "‘what’s wrong?’/ ‘nothing’/ everything/"
    "‘how do i feel’/ how about a negative 10/"
    "i need to get out of my mind/"
    The emotion and rawness in these lines are immense and gosh do you capture that feeling all too well. Such a lovely job and brilliantly told as well. A beautiful piece and I am infatuated with it so much so.
    Replying: Yes!! Let's continue throwing love back and forth!! And your comments never fail to make me smile too! That is absolutely true and I will smile so wide when I come across a familiar name from WtW. Gosh will I be over the moon happy. And enjoy yourself during the holidays as well!


    5 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    i'll also reply to your long comment eventually, i promise! i'm not up to it at this very moment, but keep a look out for that. i'm so glad you're okay now, too.


    5 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    oh mirkat, i don't think i can tell you how much this means to me. you've managed to capture the feeling of both of these pieces so well, and your footnotes -- dear, they're so gorgeous!


    5 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    i couldn't tell you the amount of times i've felt like this. it seems like far too many. i love your footnotes, by the way. very well said <33


    5 months ago
  • rwong

    woahhhh i really love how this is written like how there aren't really line breaks, only slashes, so its like you can't take a proper breath and you're running and trying but you just can't surface from the waves (nice extended metaphor and imagery there too btw!!) and it just perfectly mirrors the nature of this piece -- i love it!! i also love ur footnotes; it's a good reminder for us all!! anyway happy holidays and hope to see you around!! <3 <3


    5 months ago