Syzygy (#words) (J.A.M)

United States

SYZYGY (#words)
Female (she/her)
Webtoon Geek ;)
Music Must-Have
Middle child and only girl :w:

Message from Writer

Hello Lovelies! Thank you so much for 200+ followers! It's insane how many of you I've had the chance to get to know. I LOVE YOU! I can't believe it has yet to be a year!

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Well, I have exciting news! Busssy.Beee and I are doing a collaboration! We're so excited to share "As Fate Would Have Us" with you, and we hope that everyone is excited too! Go check out the trailer!

I'm slipping, into the deep end
I'm in over my head, can't catch my breath
"Deep End" - Ruelle

Only in my Dreams Continued Again... | Republished after removing link because admins -.-

December 22, 2020


I sat at the building's edge, looking over the city below. A bitter wind whipped through my hoodie, chilling me to the core. Beside me sat a radio that played I Wanted to Leave by SYML. I dabbled my fingers in the puddle next to me. I wasn't sure where I was, but the place was vaguely familiar to me. But something was missing. No, someone was missing. Was I too late? Did I screw up? I surprised myself by keeping my breathing calm. A beautiful feeling of acceptance and melancholy swallowed the peaceful chaos of the morning streets below my dangling toes. 

Still perturbed, I stood, staring down at the taxis on the falsely small street between skyscrapers. Was this New York? Houston? Richmond? D.C.? Philadelphia? I didn't know what Toronto looked like, but could it have been Toronto? I'd never been deep inside a city before, only ever trimming the busy outskirts. Philadelphia was the only one I'd even gone a ways into, and this didn't look like it. Was it made up? A city my brain fathomed from my depiction? 

I stepped away and instead looked up at the morning sky. The sky was filled with vibrant shades of red, orange and pink, promising rain. Red at night, sailors delight. Red in the morning... I trailed off. Great. Yet another dreary day laid ahead in my dreary life. I felt oddly hollow. Lately, my heart was bursting with overwhelming love and hope, but... now I was back at the start. But... why? And where was he?

As if my thoughts summoned him, which they probably did, he said, "I certainly hope you're not allowing yourself to freeze up here on purpose."

I didn't even bother turning around, just used my toes to turn the radio off. "I'm fine," my mouth said even though my mind was saying quite the opposite. You are far from fine, it said. You could almost hear an eye-roll in it. Get over yourself already.

"Law is law: If a woman ever says they're fine, it's a downright lie."

I shrugged, finally turning to look at him. His usual beauty was haggard that day, and my thumbs itched to swipe away the bruises under his dull eyes. He wasn't looking too great, and by his grim face, I doubted I was either. "What happened?" I finally asked, my eyes struggling to actually look at him, but focusing on the city scene to his back. From what it seemed, he was doing the exact same thing. 

"I'm not sure, love. One moment we're gazing at the stars, and the next we're setting the world on fire."

"Was it my fault again?" I questioned hesitantly, biting my bottom lip to swallow the feelings squeezing my sore heart.

There wasn't a reply. My gaze drifted to his, which were pained as he looked at me, glossed with tears. I hated that. He was normally the light in my life. I felt like there were too many tears lately. Of course, my own eyes welled up and I had to pinch away the bitterness in my throat. "Are you okay, love?" I asked him, and despite my efforts to give him space, my feet shuffled forward until I was a breath away from him. 

"Oh love, I messed up," he whispered, burying his face in his hands. Immediately, my arms were around him, holding on tight. I couldn't decide whether it was for my comfort, or for his. After a second, his arms surrounded me, and he instead buried his face in my hair. His body shook as he cried silently. I suppose it felt like a bitter-sweet scene from a movie, but... it was so much more real than that could ever be. 

I leaned back so I could look up at him. Reaching up, I took his face between my hands, wiping his salty sorrow away with my thumbs. "It's okay, love. I understand. We all mess up. Heck, I do. All the time. We've fought before, this isn't any different."

"But it is," came the muffled reply as he sucked in air. "Because it never would have happened if I hadn't encouraged it. It would never..." He paused, his breathing short. I ran my hands through his dark hair until he could find a steady rhythm again. 

"Encourage what, love?"

"He's gone because of me," he choked out, gulping and pressing his knuckles to his eyes as tears spilled. "My- My brother is gone. I told him off for talking bad about you when he's never met you and..." He hiccupped. He went into so much detail my brain struggled to process it. He let it all off his chest though, even admitting that he'd pushed me away, and purposely caused a fight to get me to go away. Claimed he hadn't wanted to see me again and then... well, the rest was history.

I didn't even remember fighting about this. Was that why I felt so empty? Because he'd tried to end it, whatever this was? I mean, I didn't see him the other night, but... My brain hurt thinking about it. "You're feeling loss," I said. "It's uncool what you did, but it's reasonable. Death is a normal part of life, love. It's just a matter of when at this point. You couldn't have known what would happen."

So we stood there at the building's edge, holding one another and looking out at the rising sun. The whole scenario only last fifteen minutes before I began to go cold. It sounds like a lot of time, but when you're there, it's so short. Not nearly enough to comfort the ache in one's soul. Leaning back one last time, I pulled his head down so I could give him a kiss on the forehead, and then on his nose. "I'm sorry. I wish we had more time tonight. And I.. well, based off how my nights are going, I may not see you for another day. We'll see. I hate how little our time is here. In the long run, this could end so very soon, too." I squeezed his hands. "But... I'll miss you the moments we're not here. And I can't wait till I see you again, but this might be an extensive goodbye. At least, for now."

"Okay." He kissed my cheek. "This is not officially a goodbye. I know for a fact you'll be back. But..." He tapped the space right above my heart. "I'm in here until then. Just like you're in mine."

I smiled lazily at him before everything faded out.

*     *     *     *     *

I blinked, glancing at the clock as I rubbed my eyes. Only an hour? 12:30 - 1:30? I admit that was awful, even for me. 
I wanted to Leave - SYML

Oh, P.s. My cat says hi. Well, the one in my lap says hi. He actually likes when I'm at the computer lol. The other one is bored with me and napping. I mean, I suppose it's early in the morning. Who's to blame her?


See History
  • December 22, 2020 - 6:45pm (Now Viewing)

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  • aiyanna

    Tell both of your cats I said hi, lol. This is really good by the way :)

    2 months ago
  • Crookshanks

    Re: Thank you! :)

    2 months ago
  • V-Rose

    Here's a new chapter for Never Really Real!

    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: I hate that :(

    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Didn't you just link a song? -_-

    2 months ago