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i still dream of you

est. 26.9.19

Message to Readers

Now Playing: "My Grown Up Christmas List" sung by Natalie Cole
"The Christmas Shoes" by NewSong

To See the Christmas Lights

December 25, 2020

    It's glancing out windows at the streetlight as if they're some sort of shooting star. It's plugging in Christmas lights and decorating the house just for the spirit of it. It's lying in bed at night and realizing that it's going to be Christmas day. I'll look at the sparkling star on top of the Christmas tree, whiffs of evergreen catching under my nose, and I'll taste the scent of the holidays on my tastebuds, and I'll hesitate. If this is Christmas, then why doesn't it feel that way? 

    Driving down the highway looking at tail lights like moonlit memories. It's always this drive, two hours in the car with the moon and stars as our only guide. It's country music on the stereo when we pass down those country houses in the middle of no where. I know this road; if I close my eyes, I can map out the distance from here to my home. I know where we are, the intersection of that school we never see students leave and the corner where that woman and child sell fruit. It's the same every time we drive by, only now, a single streetlight casts golden rays onto the intersection. In the distance, something twinkles. 

    The country houses on the hillside are covered with lights. From the typical red, blue, and green stringed lights to sparkling snowflakes, they decorate the houses, illuminating them in the night. It never felt much like Christmas to me this year, no matter how much I tried to fake it. I would hang golden ornaments and garlands, place a tree in my room with a red star that can't stay up, drink hot chocolate by the dying fire, all for the idea of it. To me, it didn't feel special. Yet, I look at those sparkling icicles and I feel the excitement burst within me. For the first time this year, I felt that burst of the Christmas that I thought I had lost. For the first time, I felt like everything would be alright. 

    Strings of lights decorated the fences of those country houses, running alongside us as we drove by. They chased us through the night, shining on us smiles as we passed by to the next. On that night, we would point out the houses with the best lights, oohing and ahing into the night air. In that cramped car with our luggage in the back and Christmas music blaring on the stereo, we looked at Christmas lights. 

    My father drove us through the ins and outs of town, pointing out the brightest houses for us. We took a detour from home, ending up at the opposite side of town. We drove from the courtyard of mansions to the narrow bumpy roads, staring at the houses in wonder. Decorated Christmas trees peeked from their windows, waving to us with their bright lights as we laughed in the car. Looking at them, I was reminded of a time long ago. I was reminded of the wonder I saw in those twinkling icicles, those smiling snowmen, those winking stars; I was reminded of that Christmas spirit that I had lost. 

    It's glancing out of fogged up car windows at Christmas lights as if they're what will make this year alright. It's plugging in the Ipod to the stereo and listening to Christmas songs. It's sitting in that backseat and realizing that this is what Christmas is. 
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it! And if you don't, happy holidays!! I hope everyone has a lovely day full of smiles and merriment! 


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  • December 25, 2020 - 2:35pm (Now Viewing)

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  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: write the world took it down? noooo, that's so sad; it was such a good piece... and my issue with my cuticles is that they're just super fragile. they're constantly inflamed and red, and it's usually the result of a cut or something that doesn't get fixed. then it starts bleeding and everything and i can't leave it alone. whenever i got my nails done in the past (i really didn't like doing that at all, but that's beside the point), my cuticles would bleed at the first little touch and it was miserable. that was a bit off-topic! but yes, your piece did its job so well and i'm sad i can't read it anymore.

    4 months ago
  • hi i'm jackson ;)

    re: hhhhhhhh i had to go and cover my face i was smiling so much of cOurse you can call me sunshine! can i call you mist/misty though? because i keep confusing your username wisp with the word mist in my brain, idk it seems fitting lol
    aa thank you
    dude aaaaa how are you so cool just "i'll always be here on this side of the screen to say hello" maybe i'll put that on my wall its a very nice little phrase
    Oh my gosh really??? im so glad!!!! i hope he comes home soon for you!! and im also glad that your holidays were good (did you get a favorite present?), and i'm glad you can write.
    my holidays were...fine, i guess. we didnt get to go anywhere to see family though, and i miss my grandparent's cat a lot. (he's 14, been around all my life, he's balding and a grumpy old man, he's still going strong and i love him with all my heart) I'm actually kind of glad though, that we didn't go see family, because I don't have any spare energy for other people these days and i'd probably make my mom mad lol
    and christmas, though I love it, is also a traumaversary for me, because last year i moved across the country on christmas morning... so eh, it was fine. i got presents so yay
    Happy belated holidays to you too!! how are you feeling about the new year coming up, do you do the resolutions thing?

    4 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: alright, i'm so glad it was at least somewhat genuine! and he said he almost cried with happiness when he read it, so i guess that's a good sign... hehe

    4 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: your comment just made me indescribably happy. wow. ok. you were waiting for this version?? that's actually so flattering. i was too, trust me. but nothing was coming to mind so i just decided to sit down and write what i felt. i tried to make it... genuine enough, but i'm still not sure it came through.
    anyway! i've sent this piece to the -- ahem -- the person it was about, and i'm very nervous about it. but very excited. he kept asking to see my poetry so i was all "why not just give you one about yourself?" and here we are now.
    sorry for rambling, haha. thank you for everything as well.

    4 months ago
  • birthdaycandles

    Awh this has some beautiful imagery. I especially love the end part with looking out of a fogged up window at the lights, it definitely brought back some nostalgia.
    Also, I was looking back at WhisperofGray’s profile the other day and saw your comment on her last piece. That’s so great that she inspired you so much! I’m sure she would’ve appreciated that so so much. It feels like she was on here just yesterday but it’s been over 7 months now... she is always remembered though, and I’m still hoping to this day that she will one day return.
    I hope it’s not too late to wish you a merry Christmas but if it is I’ll say happy new Year!

    4 months ago
  • hi i'm jackson ;)

    wow, this is beautiful....it's exactly how I felt about Christmas this year too.
    and agh your comment was probably the nicest thing ive heard in weeks dude it made me feel good, thank you so much! ike i cant even express how thankful I am for your existence, my depression has been getting BAD bad again. so thank you so, SO much for your comment, it made me smile. and if you call me jackson, can I call you wisp? anyway i really needed something nice today, im sorry for not responding sooner.
    oh my gosh im so sorry about your grandpa...i truly hope he gets better. and im glad wtw is brightening your day...i know its been a week but still how are you? are you holding up through the holidays?

    4 months ago
  • rainydayz

    thanks for bringing christmas to life even after christmas!
    re: omg thank you so much. sorry it took so long for me to respond i’ve not been in here recently but i’ll definitely think of things i’d like to learn about you for your dust jacket if you haven’t done it already. merry belated christmas

    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    Re: thank you so much, Wisp. Your comment made me so encouraged!!!! Have a wonderful day! <3333

    5 months ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    wow, i feel like we had almost identical christmas experiences this year. we looked on ksl to find different houses in the area that had really elaborate decorations and drove to a different one each night, and for some reason, it just felt... right, you know? like it's a new kind of tradition that only this year can deliver. it was downright magical.
    i'm in awe at this piece, wisp. you've managed to capture such a specific feeling, and i was able to relate to it so much. i don't really know what else to say! i feel like i'm getting a little glimpse into your life, and being able to relate to it is such a cool feeling. i hope you had a great holiday!

    5 months ago
  • mirkat

    "Driving down the highway looking at tail lights like moonlit memories."
    "It's glancing out of fogged up car windows at Christmas lights as if they're what will make this year alright."
    these two lines! actually all of it-- so warm and cozy but also bittersweet and nostalgic.... the imagery is amazing and i love this! listening to "these memories" by hollow coves as well and the combination of your words and the melody is almost perfect.
    re: okay just want to point something out in your last comment that made me smile so much even tho it isn't funny in any way: you used the word "gosh" exactly four times. i don't know, it's just one of those weird pieces of information that somehow i find interesting? makes you seem more... human i guess and not just a random person on the internet..... you must think i'm out of my mind but it makes me smile just thinking about it partly cause it's such a random piece of info and partly because somehow that makes me happy? well i will stop talking about.... that and focus on how sweet your comment was! i love getting comments from you because you always make me think more about what and why i wrote what i did and i see it all from a different perspective which i love. alright: thank you, merry christmas, stay warm, farewell for now!

    5 months ago
  • pyrrhic

    WOAHHHHH the descriptions are just out of this world. i'm totally blown away. this is insanely good. "I was reminded of the wonder I saw in those twinkling icicles, those smiling snowmen, those winking stars; I was reminded of that Christmas spirit that I had lost." i can relate to this line so much. very well done!
    re: i was actually awake for about thirty minutes before i remembered that it was christmas lmao... it was a tad bit awkward! happy holidays! <33

    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you so much! That comment warmed my heart.

    5 months ago
  • rwong

    woahhh these descriptions!! merry Christmas, wisp!! <3 <3

    5 months ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    Merry Christmas!!! :D

    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Wow, I love how effectively you transported us to your world! Merry Christmas!!

    5 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender


    5 months ago